Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to the sham wedding?

202 replies

fedoratheexplorer0 · 08/03/2022 20:24

Dh's childhood friend David is getting married this autumn to the mother of his children Laura (not their real names). I have met David only once and Laura not at all.

We received a save the date card a few days ago and I told Dh I won't be going due to the fact their whole relationship seems like a joke.

David and Laura have been on and off again for the last 14 years.
They get together and a short while later he leaves her for another woman he has met and when that goes tits up (as it always has) he goes running back to Laura and she takes him back every time. This has been going on for years now.

Last year he married another woman he had known for only 4 months. It was a very small wedding with only around 8 guests so we weren't invited (thankfully). The marriage lasted less than 6 months due to an affair and when they separated he again ran back to Laura. He has been back with her around 18 months now and although he is a prolific cheat he hasn't actually left her for someone else (as of yet).

Dh is very annoyed at me for saying I don't want to go because it's his childhood friend and he says we have to.
My argument is, Dh goes for months at a time without hearing from this friend and the wedding is a joke and won't last so what's the point?
David has never managed to keep it in his pants and he won't start the day they exchange rings.

So in your opinion Aibu? Should I just go for my Dh?

OP posts:
TabithaTittlemouse · 08/03/2022 20:53

I really like wedding cake and I don’t get out much so I would go.

WhyMeLord · 08/03/2022 20:54

Will it be a good party? Personally I’ll turn up to anything with a bar, a buffet, and a disco. If you think you a DH will have fun then why not? What’s to be gained by not going, you’re not going to save Laura any heartache when it all goes tits up.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/03/2022 20:54

Hmm, two minds here.

David is an arsehole and Laura is a doormat, but marriage could offer her some legal benefits.

"Dh is very annoyed at me for saying I don't want to go because it's his childhood friend and he says we have to."
Nobody 'has to' attend a wedding, bar the bride and groom. Your DH just really really wants to attend. His childhood friend is an arsehole (I'll gloss over that you can tell a man by the company that he keeps since you say he barely keeps David's company). David may be an old friend, but it doesn't sound as if he is either a close friend or a good friend. Just an 'old' friend. Is he even that, though? Is he maybe just someone who your DH was friends with long, long ago? In the past? Over and done with?

I'm guessing that your DH is more attached to his childhood that he is to his childhood friend. David just gets to occupy the rosy glow of DH's memories of childhood. Attending David's wedding has far more to do with DH's childhood than David.

I think I actually would attend this wedding. Not for the couple, but for your DH. Let him have this. I doubt he will want to attend David's (inevitable) third wedding.

tkwal · 08/03/2022 20:56

The wedding may be a triumph of hope over experience but I'm always in favour of being optimistic. Maybe the short lived marriage to Ms Right(for now) has finally made David see the error of his ways and that he'd been with the really right one all along.
This could have been written about one of my cousins, he married twice before he realised he had known his perfect match for years. 12th Anniversary just passed

Hoppinggreen · 08/03/2022 20:58

@DrSbaitso

You're not going to affect the outcome, except perhaps by making it worse. Just go and enjoy the free food.
I agree I would be getting a new outfit and enjoying myself (unless logistics are difficult) I Love a good wedding and dont get enough chances to dress up these days
Viviennemary · 08/03/2022 21:03

Their relationship isn't any of your business. How has he managed to get divorced so quickly. The timings don't seem to add up.

Amandasummers · 08/03/2022 21:04

I wouldn’t!!

Queenoftheashes · 08/03/2022 21:05

I’d probably go for a laugh but I think you can say you don’t want to go as the guy is a cock. It’s really more about how annoyed your DH will be. I’d probably still go but would want compensation in the form of lifts home from nights out or something

Ballcactus · 08/03/2022 21:05

@Acheyknees

Tell David you can't make this one but wl make an effort to attend the next
Excellent 👏🏻
WhatNowwwww · 08/03/2022 21:05

@Acheyknees

Tell David you can't make this one but wl make an effort to attend the next
The last friends wedding I went to, the groom was sitting with a few of us, luckily not the bride (second wife). We were talking about how nice a day it’d been and he said yes it had been but next time he’d like to have a marquee. Shock It had to be pointed out to him that he really shouldn’t be planning his 3rd wedding! Hmm
Regularsizedrudy · 08/03/2022 21:09

How is David able to get divorced and married again in such a short time? If it’s a decent do I would go, eat the food drink the wine and judge from afar.

Ellaraine · 08/03/2022 21:10

You don't have to support their marriage or decisions but you could go to support your DH. David and Laura's life doesn't affect you. Go and have a good time.

Brefugee · 08/03/2022 21:12

maybe she wants to marry him to give her some security?

knittingaddict · 08/03/2022 21:12

@ImInStealthMode

The time scale since his last wedding seems quite short; if he married in 2021 is he even divorced to marry Laura?? Don't you need to be married a year before you can even start the process of divorce?
I thought so. Both my brother and cousin had to wait for a year to pass, but that was decades ago.
rwalker · 08/03/2022 21:14

I'd go wouldn't bother me due to the fact there is no way on gods earth she doesn't know what he's like .

Nobody knows what going on could be a number of things she's happy to have a ring on her finger and he can shag who he like or this could bit the one that works judge all you like but you never know the full story thats between them .
Could even just be a tax dodge .

Darbs76 · 08/03/2022 21:14

Why do ‘we’ have to go? Your husband can go on his own if he feels strongly about attending and can make excuses for you such as a prior commitment. I wouldn’t want to attend either

Dontbeme · 08/03/2022 21:15

Maybe the short lived marriage to Ms Right(for now) has finally made David see the error of his ways and that he'd been with the really right one all along

Maybe but I hope that Laura has agreed to marry him and then take him for every penny he has for all the years he has fucked her over. (I may be too invested in this)

GreenClock · 08/03/2022 21:15

I’d go for DH’s sake.

Laura is better off married unless she’s independently wealthier (although in fairness, if he were after her money he’d have married her before now).

I’ve been to weddings where I wasn’t keen on the bride or groom. I still enjoyed them and hoped for the best.

Viviennemary · 08/03/2022 21:17

He got married last year. This marriage lasted less than six months. So he then went back to Laura who he has been with for the last 18 months. Confused ConfusedConfused

jytdtysrht · 08/03/2022 21:18

You and your dh could just treat it as a night out?

80sMum · 08/03/2022 21:19

The timings don't seem to be right.
David met someone last year and got married after having known them for 4 months?
He left his wife after 6 months?
Yet he's been back with Laura for 18 months?
Doesn't add up!

Cindie943811A · 08/03/2022 21:19

Maybe Laura feels hasn’t had much choice but to accept him back as she needs his financial support for herself and the children.
Maybe she now has a cunning plan and will wait a while then throw him out and take him for all he’s got.
Go and have a good time at David’s expense and keep your DH happy

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 08/03/2022 21:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WouldIwasShookspeared · 08/03/2022 21:21

Id go to celebrate the fact she'll have legal protections and not be left totally screwed when he leaves her again. There are benefits to being married if you had children with the toad and took a career and pension hit to raise the children.

You don't need to see it as a romantic story.

5128gap · 08/03/2022 21:22

I'd go if my DP wanted me to. I wouldn't ruin an occasion for him because I disapproved of the relationship choices of two near strangers that had nothing to do with my life. You don't need to make a gesture for Laura, she's going in eyes open.

Swipe left for the next trending thread