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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't say this to a child!

494 replies

UndertheCedartree · 07/03/2022 17:20

I spoke to the doctor this afternoon about my DD who has Long Covid. He wants to do a blood test to rule out any other causes of the symptoms.

I am separated from her dad but he was over at my house after picking her up from school. I spoke to DD alone about the blood test. She burst into tears but I explained they can put numbing cream on your skin so it shouldn't be too painful and promised her a muffin from the cafe. Along with a cuddle she calmed down. We came downstairs and I told her dad she needed a blood test. His response was 'Oh, I bet you're not looking forward to that!' at which point she burst into tears again! I don't understand why he can't think before he speaks!!

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 07/03/2022 17:24

nothing wrong or thoughtless about the comment.
you're unreasonable thinking yours was much better.

MurmuratingStarling · 07/03/2022 17:25

I don't think he meant any harm tbh. The child seems very easily traumatised it they burst into tears from that fairly innocuous remark. Hopefully she'll grow out of it.

DrSbaitso · 07/03/2022 17:25

Well, I can make a guess at why you're separated.

Yes, it was a stupid thing to say, but was it a surprise? Is he usually very emotionally aware and evolved?

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/03/2022 17:26

@fallfallfall

nothing wrong or thoughtless about the comment. you're unreasonable thinking yours was much better.
Mine calmed her, his scared her! So yes, mine was better!
OP posts:
Tlollj · 07/03/2022 17:26

How old is she? Does seem a tad dramatic on her part.

inappropriateraspberry · 07/03/2022 17:27

Depends how old she is. 12+, his comments t shouldn't be that upsetting. If you get, then he should have been more careful.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 07/03/2022 17:28

I don't see anything wrong with his comment tbh.

Yours however assumes a painful interaction that can be made better whereas often blood draws can be totally painless (I literally had one recently myself). I think your daughter was just overly wound up by the whole situation and it's wrong of you to place blame on your ex.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/03/2022 17:28

@MurmuratingStarling

I don't think he meant any harm tbh. The child seems very easily traumatised it they burst into tears from that fairly innocuous remark. Hopefully she'll grow out of it.
Yes, she is very sensitive due to circumstances. No, she may never grow of it. It wasn't innocuous. I suppose I'm not explaining how it was said. It was said in a very exaggerated way as in 'ooh, that's going to hurt a lot!'.
OP posts:
MissSmiley · 07/03/2022 17:28

In my experience it's best not to tell them anything about it until about 5 minutes before, then be honest and tell them it will hurt a bit but not for long.

It's not a competition with your ex, you're both trying to do your best, but not getting on will do your DD more harm in the long run

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 07/03/2022 17:30

Mine calmed her, his scared her! So yes, mine was better

But whatever you said to her originally made her cry. I'd assume he didn't know she would react that way. Did you give him time to reassure her once he'd realised she was worried?

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 07/03/2022 17:30

A lot of it is luck IMO. Another day, another set of circumstances, another child, it might've been taken as an empathetic comment validating the anxiety and reluctance many people can feel about a blood test.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/03/2022 17:30

@DrSbaitso

Well, I can make a guess at why you're separated.

Yes, it was a stupid thing to say, but was it a surprise? Is he usually very emotionally aware and evolved?

No, he has form!

The worst being when I was in hospital with Covid, he gave his opinion in front of the DC that I might die!! He says he just doesn't think and is pretty apologetic when I point it out.

OP posts:
Whatterywhat · 07/03/2022 17:31

But you had the advantage of knowing about it, he didn't.
Give him a break

FawnFrenchieMum · 07/03/2022 17:31

I think it’s a pretty standard man response. I don’t think it’s too bad tbh, although my daughter would probably react the same. I thought it was going to be something really bad, like I once had that and it went wrong and I was bleeding for weeks and admitted to hospital or something!

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/03/2022 17:32

@Tlollj

How old is she? Does seem a tad dramatic on her part.
She's 9. She's never had a blood test so very scared. No she wasn't being 'dramaric', those are her genuine feelings. As I said above she is sensitive.and probably ND.
OP posts:
Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns · 07/03/2022 17:32

Was this your first time speaking to a man? Wink

CarlCarlson · 07/03/2022 17:33

Your child sounds overly sensitive

MissyB1 · 07/03/2022 17:33

He immediately gave her the idea that having a blood test is something to be feared. Why couldn’t he say something positive? Why do adults insist on passing their fears and anxieties on to kids?
He sounds clueless.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 07/03/2022 17:33

she is sensitive.and probably ND

Has she inherited the ND?

BeanCart · 07/03/2022 17:35

I really don't think it's that big of a deal.

JustWonderingIfYou · 07/03/2022 17:35

Tbh I wouldn't have said any of the rubbish you said. You made it a massive deal, that needs tears and muffins and cuddles. I'd have just said on the way to the drs "you're having a blood test, it's not a big thing. You've had them before when you were small".

I'm convinced people who make a drama llama about needles have inherited it from their parents.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/03/2022 17:36

@ChiefWiggumsBoy

I don't see anything wrong with his comment tbh.

Yours however assumes a painful interaction that can be made better whereas often blood draws can be totally painless (I literally had one recently myself). I think your daughter was just overly wound up by the whole situation and it's wrong of you to place blame on your ex.

I often had blood tests as a child. Some were very painful however the numbing cream really helped me. Even as an adult most of the time there is some pain. I don't believe in pretending it will be all fine when it could well hurt her. She would rather be prepared. I however told her how we could mitigate the pain and that it would be ok. He just gave her the impression it will really hurt!
OP posts:
TrashyPanda · 07/03/2022 17:37

Try to be matter of fact with her - it’s nothing to be scared of, it’s a tiny little needle etc. don’t suggest that it is going to hurt.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 07/03/2022 17:38

@MissSmiley

In my experience it's best not to tell them anything about it until about 5 minutes before, then be honest and tell them it will hurt a bit but not for long.

It's not a competition with your ex, you're both trying to do your best, but not getting on will do your DD more harm in the long run

I have to prepare her or her anxiety will go through the roof!

I get on fine with my ex. I dealt with the situation over WhatsApp so not in front of DD. All sorted.

OP posts:
MurmuratingStarling · 07/03/2022 17:40

@UndertheCedartree

It was said in a very exaggerated way as in 'ooh, that's going to hurt a lot!'

Yeah, but you said he said 'Oh, I bet you're not looking forward to that!' NOT 'I bet it's going to hurt a lot. Confused Are you just exaggerating things now to suit your argument? You did ask if YABU and many posters are saying yes you are, and you're saying ' er no I'm not because..... ' and adding more info on! What was the point of posting this if you're just going to say to anyone disagreeing, that they are wrong?!