I've only just seen this post.
I'm autistic. I have two DC who are both autistic.
I am spectacularly comfortable with needles. Have absolutely ZERO nerves even for injections which are known to be a bit more painful. Had to have my blood taken last year and a cannula and they struggled, I had needles hanging out of my arms everywhere!
My children though are about as terrified of the idea of needles as you could ever get. Literally petrified. They are both 12 yrs old, and there is absolutely ZERO chance of getting a needle near either one of them.
They won't have their COVID jabs. They're now home educated so it matters less as there's not the same huge exposure as at school.
I have no clue how I'm going to get them to have they BCG etc. Nurses won't pin kids down for injections and there is no way they would consent.
My DS had a really unpleasant rash in December which wouldn't go. I posted about it on here. There were some concerns it was systemic so GP asked for blood tests. I had numbing cream. Absolutely no chance. He refused, got very very very upset about the idea.
As it happened, the rash magically disappeared - thank the actual fuck.
If you don't have an anxious child, especially one who's autistic, you have no idea how bad things can get.
Yes, getting that upset over such a small thing is irrational. But anxiety is often irrational, and anxiety can be a very big part of autism.
Suggesting kids just need to suck it up and get over it is a very ableist attitude - it sounds like OP has done really well to persuade her anxious child that this is going to be OK.
Re your ex, honestly it's not the worst comment ever but it's just a bit bloody annoying and thoughtless, especially if he knows your DD will be anxious.
I think the thing is with an autistic child that so often you're juggling lots of things, trying to anticipate problems and smooth the path because when things go wrong there can be a long-term impact. A bird squawking suddenly out of a bush at my son aged 3 has given him a overwhelming fear of birds - to a ridiculous degree - and a complete refusal to walk past certain things. I love birds. I'm a birdwatcher. Parental behaviour is not the cause of an autistic child's phobias. We know how the smallest thing can cause the biggest tsunami of distress, and we're used to having to plan, anticipate and manage things that most parents don't ever have to consider.
If your DC aren't like this and don't need this level of support just to get through the most basic things, then you're lucky - but you have no idea what it's like, or how bloody hard and unrelenting it is.