What are the rudest/funniest things people have ever said to you?

[Janeyjacke]

Mine were a friend in high school (we were around 15) "You'd be so pretty if only you got your teeth fixed."
I have a long European surname, and my first name has 3 syllabes. I phoned up about a job once, told the guy my full name. He repeated it to me as a question, and then laughed down the phone at it.

Told by my abusive ex partner several years ago that I was 'nothing', and a 'parasite'. I had done nothing to warrant this.

Not really rude but just amusing, when I was 27 a friend's partner told me that if I wanted to have kids I'd really better hurry up 'with my age'. Would be interested to hear others.

My son once asked me what it was like, living in Victorian times. He was genuinely interested!

Someone I dated when I was 21 - "You're just not intelligent enough for me. I need someone on my intellectual level"

My late dad when I was about 15, about my then 4 year old sister "She's worth a million of you to me"

MIL: you've got a lot of weight to lose havent you planet

To me, 12 hours after I'd given birth to her grandchild 😳

Also, I hadn't even got any weight to lose really as I'd been so ill with hyperemesis during the pregnancy i had only gained a stone and barely had a bump 😞

I will never understand what possessed her to say that, was almost 13 years ago and I've never forgot it

MIL was being really rude about a family member who had gained weight, she finished the conversation with "She's nearly as fat as you are Pellew". MIL is very good at 2 for the price of 1 insults.

"How? How do you know that? How?"

When I beat 2 extreme public school boys at Trivial Pursuit - and the last question they picked was a quote from a poem. Which I knew because 1. It was Kipling's "If" so not exactly obscure and 2. Even people from state schools can read dickhead.

Stuck with me because the absolute shock and horror. Like his tiny little world view made no sense anymore.

Also stuck with me because - in your face suckers.

I came back from a few years of living abroad and met up with one of my best friends .We had met when we were younger and worked together as nurses , both of us got married around the same time , had our children etc .Shortly after returning we met up and she informed me that she wouldn't have much time for me as a friend anymore as she "now moves in different circles' She had married a doctor and felt she had moved up into a world that I was no longer part of .She actually never called me again.Still hurts .

I'll always remember when I was 12, a girl in my drama class leant over to me and whispered 'I think me and you are the fattest in the class'. That hurt. SO much. I don't know why she wanted to do it - but to be fair I was chubby.. she was morbidly obese though. And still is.

FIL said DH and I were genetically incompatible after dd was born (unexpectedly) seriously ill. I will never forgive him.

My mother-if I never have had you then I could have broken up with your father and been happy

Fucking joke-what about my Brothers?and they are still together and we are all adults

I don't have any to add but these are all just rude and nasty, not funnyhope you've all managed to remove these people from your lives and are happier for it.

go with funny... used to go to gay clubs in late teens, as I didn't have to worry about harassment, pick up lines, but could have fun and dance all night. Had a boyfriend wasn't looking for hook ups. genuinely wanted to dance.
one time i did go bit overboard with makeup a bit and a guy come up at the bar with the line:
"honey you are so gorgeous you can only be a boy. Want to f*ck?"
Best pick up line ever and I spit my drink laughing. He was not offended and we ended up being party going friends for a while. He was loads of fun :)

My Mother told me she'd tried to get rid of me when she found out she was pregnant but unfortunately she'd left it too late.
She also told me I wasn't clever enough to go to Sixth Form (but bragged to friends when I got a place then got into Uni)
Father told me I was too fat to ride a horse one day when I was 10 and we were at his friends yard.
Partner told me I must be stupid if I couldn't drive a manual car and easily get my license ( I should learn properly in a manual car not auto)
Partner putting down my job and saying I can't be tired as I only work p/t (yes, two bloody jobs plus I do everything in the house and all life admin for us and our two dc!)
Mother also said, when my partner left me that it was only a matter of time before he found someone better looking.
She also thought I should abort when I told her I was pregnant.

So sorry to read some of these stories, family can be so cruel

Years ago, I was wandering around a tourist attraction with 10 week old DD in a sling under my raincoat (it was raining).

Some random woman came up to me and said "Oh, you have a baby there. I just thought you were fat." I was quite bemused, said something noncommittal and walked off.

Rudest (and inappropriate) : my doctor telling me I would be fat when I’m older as my mum and grandmother are both overweight. I was 22, (5 foot 6) , 8 stone and had a really bad relationship with food (borderline eating disorder). That comment always stuck with me.

A bloke once said with such feeling "I wish I could find a fit bird with your personality"

Was it planned?
By a colleague who is now my line manager 😄

Yes, it was actually - I'm aware of what might happen when a male and a female have sex.

“I used to think you were thin, Bubbles, but it’s just your ankles and you’re clever at hiding the rest, aren’t you?”

Hair and makeup artist when doing me for a professional photo spent 40 bloody minutes contouring my nose then huffed loudly, picked up a chunk of hair and arranged it halfway across my face, covering my nose, and said, “Don’t suppose we could do something like this…?”

I dated a much older man whilst at university. He told me that one of the reasons why he was attracted to me, was that I had a mind like a man! 🙄

This is already a really depressing thread

I’ve always worked when DCs were small apart from when on maternity leave. When I started my maternity leave with DS I went to pick DD up from school, usually it was my Mum or our lively childminder. One of the Mums said ‘are you on maternity leave? Now you can be a proper Mum for a while until you go back to work’

Lovely childminder although she was quite lively, the DCs loved her!!

Ex DH

"You're suddenly not attractive now your ill, I don't think you'll ever be pretty again"

A former friend described me to someone else as having a face like a slapped arse but she’s alright once you get to know her. Cheers mate!
There are others that were far worse from other people, but I’ll keep it fairly light!

"Are you sure you're not still pregnant?" Whilst she poked my belly.
From DP's nan one week after id given birth when she was meeting the baby for the first time
Was literally the first thing she said to me as i walked through the door!