What are the rudest/funniest things people have ever said to you?

[Janeyjacke]

Mine were a friend in high school (we were around 15) "You'd be so pretty if only you got your teeth fixed."
I have a long European surname, and my first name has 3 syllabes. I phoned up about a job once, told the guy my full name. He repeated it to me as a question, and then laughed down the phone at it.

Told by my abusive ex partner several years ago that I was 'nothing', and a 'parasite'. I had done nothing to warrant this.

Not really rude but just amusing, when I was 27 a friend's partner told me that if I wanted to have kids I'd really better hurry up 'with my age'. Would be interested to hear others.

My toxic boss
Why on earth do you speak with that awful accent ? ~ erm, because I'm Irish??
Watching you eat makes me want to throw up ~ she has massive issues with food.

Knobhead.

I had a friend tell me once I had a lovely shape (figure) but there was just too much of it! It actually cracks me up even tho it was rude because it’s very true 🙈😂

The husband of one of our neighbours bumped into us in the park. I was 39 weeks pregnant. He kept saying how fat I was. Over and over again!
Like, omg you’re enormous! Yeah I know, I’ve got an actual human in there. His poor wife was MORTIFIED.

I used to work as a PA in a chambers in London after university…. I’ve always spoken nicely and my welsh accent was very soft…. On my return to a Christmas party after I left for teacher training, one of the barristers said to me… gosh:… “you are quite common and we never knew it!” My accent had become stronger after working in a valleys school for a few months! Rude!

A bloke once said with such feeling "I wish I could find a fit bird with your personality"

I had similar as a teen from a male friend. "I wish I could have your personality in X's (pneumatic blonde he knew) body"

It was funny because it was SO rude, plus I actually had a boyfriend, while he was single and, to say the very least, no oil painting and neither I nor X were interested in him (even as defective half-humans).

Another friend said to me "Your sister is better looking but you have a more interesting face." Thanks.

At school, a girl I barely knew "you know, you'd be really pretty if you weren't so fat" I was 5ft 10 and a size 12, anyway, didn't matter if I was fat or not, she should have kept her ugly mouth shut. Sister in law "My sister's put on loads of weight and doesn't have much money, so I told her I'd ask you where you buy your clothes from". On explaining to Mil that, due to Dhs chemo, he was now sadly infertile, but we were overjoyed to be starting the adoption process, she asked how her son felt about the fact that his wife (me) couldn't have children and wondered if he'd have still married me 2 years earlier if he'd known I was infertile. On telling Fil that we'd been matched with a gorgeous little boy "but just whose child is this that you are bringing into our family?" As if they were sooo perfect!

In France once I was getting my hair done and the stylist told me that they could do my eyebrows for me if I wanted to as mine were pretty bad and uneven!

MRSAHILL well done on the adoption my only grandchild is adopted. ALL the family (both sides) adore him.

Mother to me aged 14…I brushed my hair and she said don’t know why your bothering it’s not like anyone will look at you

Mother to me aged 16.. you’ll never get a bf looking like that .. I was wearing jeans and t shirt!

Ex Friend to me aged 24.. you’re quite pretty when you look down

A girl i was at school with who was a huge bully and had a lot of her own issues used to tell me I had a long body and short legs and was 'out of proportion'.
There was nothing wrong with me, she was just rude and nasty. She later developed an eating disorder and I think she had always had her own mental health struggle

And 16 at school… Violets pretty bet she has a lot of bfs…. Then .. not with an arse like that came the reply… talk about down to earth with a bump!

@janj2301 thank you. It was many years ago, my son is now 22. My side of the family were overjoyed that we adopted and welcomed him into their lives exactly the same as they would have done with a birth child. It sounds like you are a very loving grandparent too.

I heard through the grapevine that my SIL referred to those of us still at home (mam/ dad/ me as I was the youngest) as The Good, the Bad and The Ugly. My brother didn't ever really see eye to eye with my dad but adored my mam. I think you know which one I was. It made me so sad at the time. Thankfully as I blossomed I was often told I was very attractive- not that it matters as I'm clever, funny and have a great life. Bitch.

I still don't know what a work colleague meant when she asked me if everyone in Canada dressed like me. Ok I'm from Canada but it's not like I was wearing a seal skin coat decorated with coloured porcupine quills and had feathers in my hair! I probably had on a pair of casual trousers, a blouse and might have been wearing a silk scarf - so nothing too radical.

Weirdest line was from a guy a friend set me up with. Turned out that despite being about 10 years older than me he still at home (fine) and worked in the family business (still fine). They were undertakers (getting a bit weird) and then he asked if I wanted a tour of the place and wanted to know what it was like to lie on a marble slab. (& I'm outta there!)

I'm a bilateral hearing aid wearer. I have very little (profound loss) in one ear, and minor loss in the other and have had hearing loss since birth. However with my one good ear I've muddled along quite well and it's not always obvious the hearing in my other ear is so bad. Someone once told me that I speak very well for a deaf person 🤣

I work with children so regularly get asked rude things like ‘are you pregnant’ (been asked that a good few times). To be honest there are too many rude things kids have said over the years for me to remember but mostly I just laugh about them because they’re kids and even if they’re deliberately trying to be rude (rare) it’s annoying rather than soul crushing.

About a week after giving birth I saw an ex colleague and he looked at my stomach completely shocked and asked if I was already pregnant with my second 😂

Don't think he fully understood that it takes a while for a bump to go down and also you can't be 20 weeks pregnant a week after giving birth

I did laugh

A work colleague rabbitting in about class ( they were obsessed) looked at me and said “ well you’re middle class because of your job” Never been so insulted in my life. I’m working class, always have been, always will be.

I had a fwb who was my best friend and I stupidly fell head over heels for him (which he knew), you know how the story goes. We were lying in bed chatting and I was so happy after a lovely day together, for him to sigh and casually say "I really wish I liked you" - I've never been so crushed and it still hurts to think about now almost a decade later

Another one that's a bit more light-hearted and funny, in a changing room with DD years ago and she announced in the lull of noise, like they always do, very loudly -

"Oh mummy, your bottom is so wobbly it's like white, lumpy jelly!" And giggled.

Cheers kiddo 🤦 🤣

We’d just told my seven year old daughter that we were expecting a new baby. She was so excited and would tell the news to anyone and everyone. We were in the supermarket and she told the woman behind the till. The woman didn’t respond to her at all, but looked me up and down, and said with a sneer, “Did you WANT to have another baby?!”

My ex ( who was 5 years younger than me) telling me I was past it, over the hill, etc
I was 27 😡
At primary school in the days of end of term tests and class places.
I came 8th out of a class of 40.
My dad said; are you some sort of dummy?

A 'friend' told me I looked like a beached whale.

Funny, for years I didn't see her for the abusive bully she was.

Our first house we were on our very last room renovating it.
It was the living room. All fresh plaster, new fire had gone in, we were painting it and had ordered new carpet and furniture. All on its way.

Our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks.
DHs “friend” came round and said….”it’s a good job your not having that baby, you couldn’t bring a kid up in this could you” while looking round the room with disgust on his face.

Cunt.

My mother, to me, when my university boyfriend was on his year abroad for his languages degree: “he’ll find himself a prettier girl than you; girls in that country are beautiful”. And after a look of disbelief mixed with outrage from me: “what’s wrong - I’m only telling you the truth!”.