What are the rudest/funniest things people have ever said to you?

[Janeyjacke]

Mine were a friend in high school (we were around 15) "You'd be so pretty if only you got your teeth fixed."
I have a long European surname, and my first name has 3 syllabes. I phoned up about a job once, told the guy my full name. He repeated it to me as a question, and then laughed down the phone at it.

Told by my abusive ex partner several years ago that I was 'nothing', and a 'parasite'. I had done nothing to warrant this.

Not really rude but just amusing, when I was 27 a friend's partner told me that if I wanted to have kids I'd really better hurry up 'with my age'. Would be interested to hear others.

“You have such lovely, hairy arms. In Russia we know what that means.” [to be read in a Russian accent]

Oh and ex 'd'h once said to me ( because I was too fat) well you don't look at the fireplace when you are poking the fire do you? This was because I asked why he bothered to have sex with me if he thought I was so horrible and fat.

He also held up a copy of Elle magazine and waved it in my face saying this is what real women look like.

Suffice to say I'm now happily married to current Dh for 15 years and he doesn't say things like that. ( I've also lost six stone ).

Ex Dh who I share a grown up child with said recently via text message - I am sad that I didn't know what I had and I messed up our relationship.

Ha! Karma takes a while to happen but he is still single and lonely and nearly 60 whilst I have just turned 50 and look the best I've ever looked with a lovely husband so 👌🏻

I taught at a big boarding school for most of my twenties. I loved working there.
Another teacher there had a daughter, a few years younger than her, who qualified as a teacher and applied for a job at the school, but didn’t get it. (I wasn’t involved remotely in the interview process.)
I commiserated with the mother in the school canteen at lunch and said I was sure she’d get another job.
‘Well I’m actually quite relieved she didn’t get the job actually.’
‘Why, because it would be weird to work in the same place as your daughter?’ I asked, with a smile.
‘No, my husband and I were just worried she would end up being like you.’

Yep. That’s actually what she said, a fellow teacher I had always had a perfectly friendly relationship with.

'He has arms as big as monica's but his is muscle'

Said by my husbands step-dad when I was 18 and had just left all my family to move to my husbands (boyfriend then) home town. I had no family no friends and felt totally alone. He was an insufferable rude abusive cunt and I'm pleased he's dead

Daughter was a few years younger than me!

I was at my eight month old's bedside in PICU on life support with RSV induced respiratory failure and this man and adult son comes in-introduced himself as a minister and friend of my husband's family-I recalled he attended the wedding 8 years prior and he just kept going on about 'how much weight I'd put on since my wedding and how different I looked' Yeah I was eight months post emergent c-section and constantly in/out of hospital with our critically I'll baby (husband was at work) Never thought I could hate anyone more then and there. I so wanted to take the pair of them and toss them out of the building that moment

Told by exH, when I was asking him why he was so obsessed with the OW, “well, I suppose it’s because I’ve never been in the company of an attractive woman before!” Cheers for that. Still hurts 30 years later. 😥

A male colleague said that with female best friends there would always be a pretty one and an ugly one-yep, he told me I was the ugly one!

There aren't many "funny" examples on here. Some awful comments. [Sad]

When l was about 15, my mother had seen one of the neighbours hanging her washing out, and remarked to me "Well, if SHE can get a man, there's hope for you...."

After my mother's remark of 'if SHE can get a man, there's hope for you'.... l did. Get a man, l mean.
My best friend's older brother who ended up being a very well known musician. I'd always had a problem with my weight (school doctor put me on a diet at 10!) but when l clapped eyes on him l went on a diet and got my hair cut. He came home from working away and asked me out. Before that l think l'd always just been his little sister's friend. My mindset still hadn't caught up with my 'new' (size 8) body and I was still in 'fat' mode psychologically.
Until one night when we were having a romantic evening, and he said "Listen to me, there's nothing wrong with you, you're gorgeous, you're the same shape as my guitar and l can't keep my hands off either of you."
Nor could he. It was funny, but sweet, and it still makes me smile nearly 50 years later.

When I told my DM that my company were making redundancies 'they are probably picking who they want to get rid of'. It was actually voluntary redundancy but she didn't know that

katseyes7 Oooh tell us more!

My ex-H told me that I should make more effort in my appearance because “It’s like having a Porsche in the garage, all covered in dust and crap.”

Reader, he still wonders why I divorced him.

(Reader, this wasn’t even close to why)

My mother told me when I was pregnant and unmarried that maybe if I rode a bike and miscarried, it wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen (with the implication that she would be relieved)

This was somewhat blunt, not rude, and funny too: when DP and I were living in Spain a few years ago, I was reasonably fluent in Spanish. Got into conversation with a woman I hadn't met before and was surprised and gratified when she said "I'd have thought you were Spanish" . . then she added "until you opened your mouth."

From a man at coffee after church service - do you know that your face has got very fat?
I just said yes.
It had, as had the rest of me due to the medication I was on.

A colleague organised a pub quiz. The team I was on came second. Someone who was on my team was telling another colleague about it and said how I'd answered most of the questions and carried the team.

Colleague "oh, I'm surprised by that..."

MIL when we told her we were having a baby ‘but I don’t want more grandchildren, I have enough, do you have to?’.
And 20 years of comments about weight. I was tiny when I was first with DH but it didn’t stop her then, she also used to buy me clothes in enormous sizes or size 6 (to diet into apparently).
DH always makes comments about how I must miss her, can’t say I do.

Someone at my old job when I clocked in:
“Oh you look rough, are you not wearing makeup today?”
“…I’m fine and I definitely remember putting makeup on this morning…”
“No you can’t have done you look really pale”

Look back and laugh now, I was in my early 20s, she was an tiny wrinkly old thing who lived off cigarettes and other peoples misery

One of my cousins has children who have a genetic syndrome (similar to Downs, but not Downs).
When my mother and l were at their grandma's house, grandma showed us some photos of her with the eldest (he was about eight or nine) making cakes. Covered in flour and icing sugar, and looking as happy as Larry, bless him.
When l was driving my mother home, l remarked how lovely the photos were, and how happy the bairn looked.
And she replied, "Well it's nowt to brag about, is it?"
"What?"
"That laddie. He's not a full shilling."
I was disgusted, and told her so. Considering that when l told her my (now ex) husband and l were divorcing, she said "Is this because YOU don't want a family?"
I lost my two babies. I wonder what she'd have said if l hadn't, and if l'd had a child with some kind of special needs?
That's genuinely one of the nastiest, cruellest things l've ever heard.

When we moved from London to a tiny village, my DD started reception in primary school. One of the other Mother's came up and instead of saying Hi, I am so and so. She said, I heard you chatting to your DD and you definitely need elocution lessons. First day at starting school. We moved to am affluent area and it never surprised me. 10 years on and I can actually sniff out the snobby Mothers a mile off. Thankfully I have met some lovely local friends and plus having a thick skin helps.
A friend said to me I wasn't pretty enough to be in the in crowd. I didn't know there was an in crowd at the school gate. (Another thread all together) I was 40+ at the time and barely slept, put on lots of weight with my DC's.
I lost the weight and the same friend said. I won't want to hang around with you anymore. You look normal and slightly attractive

@WouldIwasShookspeared

Just remembered another one from parents .

I was the clever one and my sister was the pretty one. In so many words.

Aka, you're an uggo and your sister is as thick as pigshit.

Are you my sister? I got exactly the same from mother just the othe way round! Am I missing something?

Internal job interview. My boss pointed to my skirt and said 'you're not going in that thing, are you?'

Wearing a short skirt, boy said 'you look like an umbrella with two handles.'

My girl cousin 'I would want your face but I wouldn't want your figure.'

“Ditch the formula bottles and breastfeed so you can loose weight”
“ your house is very messy since you’ve had a baby”

I'm a nurse in mental health, and a patient who was pissed off with me told me 'you've got a fanny like a building site'. This was about 7 years ago and I still laugh when I think about it! 🤣