What are the rudest/funniest things people have ever said to you?

[Janeyjacke]

Mine were a friend in high school (we were around 15) "You'd be so pretty if only you got your teeth fixed."
I have a long European surname, and my first name has 3 syllabes. I phoned up about a job once, told the guy my full name. He repeated it to me as a question, and then laughed down the phone at it.

Told by my abusive ex partner several years ago that I was 'nothing', and a 'parasite'. I had done nothing to warrant this.

Not really rude but just amusing, when I was 27 a friend's partner told me that if I wanted to have kids I'd really better hurry up 'with my age'. Would be interested to hear others.

A cashier once complimented me on the beautiful behaviour of DC. Just when I was glowing with the praise she said to them: You are such kind boys to help your granny like this!

I was dressing myself after sex with my boyfriends once and he proceeded to poke my belly roll and tell me I could feed Africa.

I was a size 8 at the time! 😂

Just remembered another one from parents .

I was the clever one and my sister was the pretty one. In so many words.

Aka, you're an uggo and your sister is as thick as pigshit.

Boyfriends was not meant to be plural..

My sister is, for the record, very intelligent.
Sadly I am indeed foul as a pit ass.

MIL: Have you lost weight?
Me: Yes, thanks
MIL: I didn't say you looked good

Bitch from hell.

That I must have gone to private school as I'm from an area with a bad reputation and I'd done okay for myself / didn't sound rough/ was in the same orbit essentially as this person.

Then there was my bully of a colleague who was telling me how her neighbours were actually okay even though they were English, from Wigan iirc.
The look that crossed her face as it dawned on her that I was English too .. it was a truly funny moment as it came as no surprise. She'd always been a total arse so I was hardly going to be offended. In fact it showed she was accepting me into her tiny universe. Which was more terrifying🤣.

My friends little girl.. ‘When I am really old I hope I look like you’ I think there was a compliment there somewhere!

Similar theme of cross cultural stuff: French female colleague telling me I wasn't looking too bad for an English lass. She was clearly expecting me to be very grateful for her approval ratings. 🤣

This is one that I said, aged about eight. At a medical records office with my dad, who was a GP, to the woman handling the records: 'I suppose you don't need to be very intelligent to do your job, do you'. Shameful!

I once told a woman Darcey was such a lovely name for a girl! But her cute little bundle turned out to be a boy so I really try to be careful with name comments since then.
I'm know I've said ruder things too but I currently appear to have blotted them out of my mind!

Both from MIL who we have been NC with for many years, and when we were dating:

"Sleaf is as fat as lard" (when talking about some lard in her fridge)

"I was as slim as Sleaf used to be" - when she was talking about how slim she apparently was after her pregnancies.

From my younger DB and DF years ago: "You and Mr Sleaf look like sumo wrestlers"

From a taxi driver:
"You've got the same problem as me"
Me: "what's that then?"
"We're both cuddly"

From an old boyfriend: "I was watching a programme the other day, one of the girls looked like a supermodel and the other girl reminded me of you"

Dr (my GP at the time) telling me I needed treatment for cervical cancer, aged 23. Started telling me nuns don't get it so I must have slept around. I had slept with 3 people at that time.
Next time I saw him he apologised and told me I wasn't a whore but I wouldn't have got it if I was a virgin. (his words) This was 1989 and I was naive and too in awe of a doctor to stand up for myself. 33 years later his words haunt me, but he is dead so ...

I was told by one girl that I didn't fit into the friendship group because I don't swear much or sleep around! I don't think she likes me much, I don't like her either, but I put up with her because she's friends with the rest of the group and I love hanging out with them. I think this might have been her attempt to kick me out. It didn't work though (literally no one else in the group cares about those things) and karma has bitten her hard since then......

Arriving home from the hospital after giving birth to my first baby, greeted MIL on my doorstep and I got, 'we're not here for you, we're here to see the baby haha'.
She probably doesnt remember it, but I surely do.
Also a couple weeks later we were expecting guests, I was told to 'go and make myself pretty' 🙄

I was told by someone that once she’d got to know me she realised I wasn’t as miserable as I looked! To be fair I’ve got quite a resting bitch face and we became pretty good mates.
MIL’s husband pissed me off recently when he was talking about her Philippino colleagues. He said ‘Well, I can’t tell them apart, they all look the same’ I was fuming at the racist arsehole, as was DH but this guy couldn’t seem to see the problem.

Why are so many MILs so rude?

Probably not the rudest but I always remember being behind two giant trolley-fulls in the supermarket and the lady saying "is that all you have?" to my bread and milk. Then said "what a shame, let's hope they open another till."

MIL "Well, whatever else you are, at least I have to be grateful for the 3 grandchildren you've produced".

Was in a German department store (Germans aren’t known for customer service) with my husband and tried on a padded gillet. Employee comes over and says serverely “that does NOT look good on you” but offers no alternative or customer service. My husband and I start getting a fit of the giggles and can’t stop laughing so have to leave.

When I was 12 I had a blonde bob and round glasses, I was walking home from school and a bloke across the street shouted “The Milky Bars are on me!” 😂

In a supermarket, age 36 with newborn DS in a pram - a woman came over and said “ah is that your grandchild?”!

The day I passed my final exams , phoned my parents to tell them

I'm now a Registered General Nurse

Dad said - see if you'd tried harder in school you could have been a Doctor
Mum said - You'll want to buy your own silver buckle for your belt , you're that fussy we'll leave you to it

So I did , 30 years later I still have it although I now wear trousers and a tunic every day 😂

I’m blind and one of my sighted friends honestly thought he was paying me a complement when he said: It’s a shame you are blind as if you weren’t, you’d get loads of birds! :)

My daughter’s consultant- former consultant- made a joke about my daughter, to my husband, that he might not be her father. He then suggested that I’d been drunk so wouldn’t know. He went in to sexually assault me a year later. I guess it wasn’t really a joke

My SIL once said to me. ( I'd put weight on and quite a lot and was divorced in my 20's with 3 young kids so was feeling quite vulnerable at the time ).

''What happened to you? You used to be so pretty and now you have a neck like a bullfrog'' .

I suppose it's kind of funny looking back but I have a very fucked up relationship with food from being starved and abused as a child and it just really stood out to me 🤷‍♀️

Not because of that remark but lots of other things we are no longer in contact ( I don't speak to my bother either ) but yeah, she was an awful person.