What are the rudest/funniest things people have ever said to you?

[Janeyjacke]

Mine were a friend in high school (we were around 15) "You'd be so pretty if only you got your teeth fixed."
I have a long European surname, and my first name has 3 syllabes. I phoned up about a job once, told the guy my full name. He repeated it to me as a question, and then laughed down the phone at it.

Told by my abusive ex partner several years ago that I was 'nothing', and a 'parasite'. I had done nothing to warrant this.

Not really rude but just amusing, when I was 27 a friend's partner told me that if I wanted to have kids I'd really better hurry up 'with my age'. Would be interested to hear others.

I told my sister I was pregnant with a little girl and she replied “oh wow, you’d have been a shit royal wife. Henry VIII wouldn’t been gutted” then told me how she was so pleased she’d had a boy first so he could look after her subsequent daughters. She still only has one child.

Had friends round for bbq-as it happens the night before I gave birth-so obviously heavily pregnant and I was wearing a top I really liked.

My friend said to me "you do not look as cute as you think you do in that"

I had the MIL look me up and down with pity two days after giving birth and saying "Oh dear. Don't worry you'll soon lose the weight". I wasn't worried. I was a size 10, up from an 8. I had terrible morning sickness for the first 5 months of the pregnancy and didn't put much weight on. During my pregnancy she commented on how small my baby bump was and kept saying that the baby would be small (which she wasn't, 8 pounds). MIL has always been overweight. I was so flabbergasted at her rudeness that I didn't say anything, but I would now I'm older and wiser.

My overweight sil (this is relevant!) told me to 'sort myself out' when my youngest was just a few months old and was quite seriously ill, taking up all my time while my dh was on nights so it all fell to me. She always has been a complete bitch though

An acquaintance laughed when I told her my new baby's name - a proper, head back, belly laugh. I raised an eyebrow and walked away. She was an up herself cow as well!

My step dad used to say to me "How did something so ugly come out of something so beautiful?" And laugh while cuddling/canoodling with my mum, quite randomly, like watching TV and things, and my mum would laugh and then tell me off for not having a sense of humour if I got upset, still says the same if it's brought up now.

Despite splitting from my step dad she's not much better, after splitting with my ex who was a nasty piece of work, she said "Well, I always did wonder why he wanted to go out with you, he is quite attractive"

I mean I'm no oil painting but aren't you supposed to think your kids are beautiful no matter what?

And they wonder why so many girls and women have issues with self-confidence

An ex-bf when I asked him why he was with me: 'Because you're available'. Not after that, I wasn't. He also told me I had 'mediocre breasts'. Ugh, total wanker.

Rudest - DM when I phoned to tell her I was having a missed miscarriage "was the baby planned...(it wasn't)...ah well it would have been so much worse if you were losing a planned baby"

MIl - who has form for opening her big gob without engaging her brain - said “Chen, your hair is looking a lot better these days. It didn’t look very good for a while but I put that down to your mum dying”.

I once got told I was “really annoying but in a sexy way”?!?

These aren't funny they are really sad.💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐to everyone who has been hurt by cruel and vindictive comments that say more about the speaker.You are all better than them.

When my grandmother's dementia got quite bad she lost any filter.

I once wore blue nail polish to see her. She took hold of my hand and said "that polish makes you look like a corpse"

God love her.

My mil….

1. On my, what are you wearing?? Errr…. Trousers and jumper!
2. I’ve never known anyone so disinterested in me.
3. Did your mother not teach you how to bring up children? ….. I’m not often lost for words, but after 30 years I’m at minimal contact.

My Mil told me (after she’d had a bit to drink) that she thought girls who lived “in sin” with their partners without being married were “loose” and that their parents had failed as parents and they should be more in control of their children. I was living “in sin” with her son at the time. According to her the shame was only born by the females. Oh the shame

A random man once told me I would have a perfect figure if I had larger breasts and had I considered implants? I was speechless, but I wish I'd said you'd be perfect too, if it wasn't for your miniscule penis and tiny mind.

I was in the early months of dating my then boyfriend (no DH) and we went out with his mother for a lunch which included the long term partner of her ex (he had died), my DH's dad. It was getting cold and my MIL asked to borrow some clothes; when I offered some, she said loudly (for the benefit of the ex I think) 'oh no, I couldn't possible borrow yours; you're MUCH bigger than me and they won't fit'....[hmmmm]. I think I was a size 10 at the time and they would have fit no problem.

Another classic from DH's aunt this time (runs in the family, eh?!) after a life changing illness: 'You need to be who you were; he loved you then'... like I'm no longer lovable because my life has been torn apart through unexpected illness?!

@Frankola

When my grandmother's dementia got quite bad she lost any filter.

I once wore blue nail polish to see her. She took hold of my hand and said "that polish makes you look like a corpse"

God love her.

My aunt said similar to my gorgeous sparkly dark blue nail polish - "Dead people have blue fingernails". She didn't have the excuse of dementia though

My Sister in law, walked 10 miles to tell my DH and I, that our wedding was the worst day of her life! 18 years later, I still grit my teeth when I have to see her.

@mumsiedarlingrevolta

Had friends round for bbq-as it happens the night before I gave birth-so obviously heavily pregnant and I was wearing a top I really liked.

My friend said to me "you do not look as cute as you think you do in that"

I had a date say I wasn't as hot as I thought I was. I am, though. And I bet you were cute in the top...it's negging- all about them, not us. Bloody stuns you in the moment, though, doesn't it!

When I told my parents I was pg, my mum asked if it was my husband's and my dad asked how it happened. Both questions were answered with just a hard stare!

Loads and loads of fat jibes from school and family. But only one from a friend- she said it was weird how we'd been mates for years but had never discussed my weight! Never knew I was the elephant in the room! She's twice the size of me now and can't say I've felt the need to discuss it with her!

Funniest? Well, DS is now 33 but he was a smart ass when he was a teen. Knowing I do not drink at all, not even a glass of wine, no alcohol ever, he would go food shopping with me and loudly ask “Ah, mom! Did you spend all the grocery money on alcohol AGAIN!?” Monster. Another trick was to fart in a store and loudly say “oh, mom! That’s awful!”

MIL - when I mentioned a friend she knew had said something horrible to me. MIL replied 'Well she doesn't suffer fools gladly' - a double whammy on that one.

When I worked on a bar that had mainly middle aged 'lad' customers.

Me: "that'll be £16"
Drunk guy: "16 quid! I hope filled it with a pint of your pure vagina juice at that price!"

Then he instantly just threw up on his own shoes and the bouncer kicked him out, while I was still processing the phrase 'pure vagina juice'

A few from DH's family come to mind, they have always regarded me as being socially beneath them, despite both my parents being university-educated professionals, having gone to an independent girls' school and a good university.

MIL (said the day we got engaged): "Why this one (pointing at me) when you could have had better?"

Future BIL (when we announced that we had booked our wedding venue): "It's only becase our mother tolerates you that you got anywhere near this family", and later in the conversation said "can't you wait a few years to decide whether you really are a good match for each other".

MIL (in response to our news that we were expecting DS, her first grandchild): "Oh, good for you".

Nice bunch, needless to say are no longer in contact with them

I was told, in a very approving tone, “you speak very good English,” after a new acquaintance enquired where I was from. I’m from a country which is well known that it is English speaking. I should have asked what she thought my first language was.

My mother - told me I should have got cancer instead of my cousin because “she’s married with children and you’re not.” A few years later and I’m now married with DC. We are NC now but I do wonder if I’ve gone up in her pecking order of who deserves cancer

When I announced I was pregnant I had several people make disparaging comments ‘you’re the last person in the world who I thought would have a baby,’ and ‘what, you pregnant hahahaha.’ I’m a very ordinary person and found these so hurtful, like I don’t deserve to be a mother

When I was 19 in a club a man come up to be and said I had good childbearing hips I was a size 8... It's stuck with me lol