To not buy non vegan food

[Ellie198712]

I’ve recently (2 months ago) gone vegan after watching Earthlings and thinking about how I can’t honestly distinguish between eating a dog or a cow.

DH isn’t vegan and has no intent of becoming one, which is fine, obviously ideally I’d like if we could be a plant based household but it’s his life and diet!

However I feel really uncomfortable buying him eggs and meat when I go to the shops. Today it’s caused a bit of a row as I popped into our veg shop to stock up on veg and he asked me to pick up milk and eggs. I said I didn’t really want to buy them 🤦‍♀️

He’ll eat it what he wants of course but I don’t want to buy things associated with animal suffering really 🤷🏼‍♀️

Usually we just get food deliveries so he does add what he wants to the online shop! Today just felt different and I didn’t want to directly buy something that I think contributes to suffering 😩

So you would actually force two shopping trips as a family because of your dietary choice? This would really wind me up. Why should the household suffer because you've made a choice to eat differently. You are effectively forcing that choice on others.
Would it be acceptable to you if he popped to the shops and refused to buy you some processed vegan food because he really doesn't agree with how it is produced?

I think this is fine, op. Presumably you don’t mind him keeping this stuff in the fridge. I’d probably talk about it all ahead rather than just saying no when he next asks for something.

You are making an ethical choice not to subsidise animal suffering and that’s totally allowed. If he wants to give money to livestock farmers then you aren’t stopping him, that’s his choice. But you shouldn’t be expected or made to feel uncomfortable about doing something you’re not comfortable with. I wouldn’t buy cigarettes for anyone, ever. Same thing.

I'm with you on this one, OP, and couldn't put it better than Biscuitburglar.

Ps Biscuitburglar, fab name btw!

I think you need to comprise on your new found zealous was. You can still live your values without causing such a rift in your family life. Honestly, there is essentially no difference between your family money being spent on these things in the online shop versus you spending it in a shop. It's still crossing your threshold. You are being precious.

You're being ridiculous. You've made a choice 2 months ago to become vegan but were fine buying milk before that point? You expect the family to do two separate shopping trips a week ? What difference does it make if you pick it up from the shops or him? It's still your family money pot buying the products.

Soya production is directly and indirectly causing deforestation in the Amazon rainforest leading to loss of habitat and therefore suffering for plants and animals on a massive scale. For that reason, yabu to avoid buying a few eggs.

The two trips to the shop instead of one aren't really great for the environment

I think you need to grow up honestly. Especially with your passive aggressive 'animal suffering!!' that you just must get in there, as you all do. If I were your husband I wouldn't be staying married long

You might need to find a solicitor OP.

I'd ve annoyed if dp watched a TV show then suddenly we needed to do separate trips to the supermarket and a sad face everytime I ate eggs.

An ex-colleague was vegan and was in the same situation. His expectations and inflexibility with respect to his non-vegan wife eventually caused them pretty serious marital issues.

If he's supported your dietary changes and the cost of the items isn't coming from your bank account then I think it's pretty petty to take this approach tbh.

My DP is a long longtime vegan and he would never push his Choices on anyone and would buy stuff for someone else as they make their own choices. This is one of the reasons people hate vegans 😂

I can understand if he's asking you to buy meat but you've only been vegan for 2 months and it's milk and eggs, not like a dead animal carcass!

You're but eight weeks into your damascene moment and you're already spitting ethics to the person that you fell in love with?

how would you react if he went to the shop to get the food shop and said he wasnt buying anything you liked?

fine to say you're not cooking diary/meat that you aren't eating but dick move to say you wont buy anything he likes.

YABU.

You should also do a bit more research into veganism than just watching one film.

In my opinion it's you who's choosing to change your diet so it's you who should be making any compromises beyond the whole not eating the same meals thing

Do you not share finances? How is him buying milk any different to you when it comes from the same money?

I don't really get where you've drawn the line. You're OK with him eating it, buying it, storing it in your home etc but draw the line at personally buying it? What if he gave you the money? The physical act of who purchases makes no difference to the end result of milk being bought whether it's you or him.

Do you expect him to buy your specialist vegan food? Has your overall food expenditure increased due to you going vegan OP? If so, how does your DH feel about that? Most vegan processed foods are more expensive than the animal based equivalents. Have you had a conversation about that?

@GTAlogic

Soya production is directly and indirectly causing deforestation in the Amazon rainforest leading to loss of habitat and therefore suffering for plants and animals on a massive scale. For that reason, yabu to avoid buying a few eggs.

What is your point. Vegan Food isn't responsible for deforestation in the amazon. If you're going to speak so confidently on this subject at least know the basics.

Sometimes you need to rationalise this stuff. If you dont buy it, he will. That's extra travel which is bad for the planet.

The best way to convert people to veganism is to quietly live the values yourself and wait until people are interested and ask about it. Usually it's when people see being vegan as being as easy as non vegan and dont feel bad about their own choices they consider it.

So yanbu exactly, he should consider your feelings about it as much as you consider his. But you arent positively impacting the vegan movement by making it harder for him.