Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy non vegan food

242 replies

Ellie198712 · 05/03/2022 18:56

I’ve recently (2 months ago) gone vegan after watching Earthlings and thinking about how I can’t honestly distinguish between eating a dog or a cow.

DH isn’t vegan and has no intent of becoming one, which is fine, obviously ideally I’d like if we could be a plant based household but it’s his life and diet!

However I feel really uncomfortable buying him eggs and meat when I go to the shops. Today it’s caused a bit of a row as I popped into our veg shop to stock up on veg and he asked me to pick up milk and eggs. I said I didn’t really want to buy them 🤦‍♀️

He’ll eat it what he wants of course but I don’t want to buy things associated with animal suffering really 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Pedalpushers · 05/03/2022 19:22

And also ha, the majority consumers of soya are...cattle.

MarinoRoyale · 05/03/2022 19:23

You’re the type of vegan who gives the rest of them a bad name, how sanctimonious are you?!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 05/03/2022 19:25

It's fine. Popping to the shop is hardly a big deal (assuming you don't live in the middle of nowhere and the shop is 10 miles away). It would be wrong of you to insist the whole household went vegan but preferring not to personally purchase the animal products is perfectly reasonable.

Original poster
Ellie198712 · 05/03/2022 19:25

In answer to questions:
Our food bill is about the same but I cover most of the household food bill as I’m the main earner
I also do 90% of the cooking (always have) tonight I cooked spicy peanut noodles and DP ordered a beef burger for delivery as he didn’t fancy that
I take the point on soy and the rainforests, I try to buy EU produced soy but obviously I’m not perfect

OP posts:
GandTfortea · 05/03/2022 19:26

We are all vegan .
But I bought cows milk for the builders ,they couldn’t get used to the soya .
I suppose we all draw our lines in the sand .
Your entitled to draw yours wherever you feel comfortable

AWavyLine · 05/03/2022 19:27

DP ordered a beef burger for delivery as he didn’t fancy that

This would really annoy me.

CBFA · 05/03/2022 19:29

I'm.in a similar situation. However, I do buy some dairy and, at a push, sandwich meat. Go for higher welfare, like organic and RSPCA assured as a compromise

Carpy899 · 05/03/2022 19:29

@Ellie198712

In answer to questions: Our food bill is about the same but I cover most of the household food bill as I’m the main earner I also do 90% of the cooking (always have) tonight I cooked spicy peanut noodles and DP ordered a beef burger for delivery as he didn’t fancy that I take the point on soy and the rainforests, I try to buy EU produced soy but obviously I’m not perfect
96% of the soya from the amazon is used for animal feed. Out of the remaining 4% the majority of that is used for cooking oils. Don't worry it's a talking point used by people who don't know anything about the subject.
Original poster
Ellie198712 · 05/03/2022 19:29

It’s a good point @RealBecca I don’t want to be a vegan who puts people off going vegan so maybe I just need to suck this up.

It’s honestly been quite easy to go vegan for me as there’s so much available now. I can go to almost any restaurant with friends/famil and just pick the vegan option. Last night we we went out with friends and got kebabs on the way home, even those had a vegan (Seitan donner) option now!

OP posts:
Rumplestrumpet · 05/03/2022 19:30

OP you're getting a hard time here and I'm not quite sure why - I'm not a vegan or vegetarian but think it's an ethical position we should all respect.

I think it is fine to gently tell hubby you're not comfortable, but I don't think it's ok to be judgemental or arsey about it.

I do think you should take a broader perspective though - there's more to bring ethical than plant based diets - as others have said the production of soya (and indeed palm oil) is destroying the environment in many parts of the world.... Plus so much of our manufactured clothes and tech are produced in terrible conditions. So while you're doing your bit, remember that others may be doing their best but focusing on something else, which is also valid

lljkk · 05/03/2022 19:30

let us know what resolution you arrive at, OP, in about 6 weeks

Chloemol · 05/03/2022 19:30

So basically you are going to do two shopping trips a week as you don’t want to buy any animal products due to your newfound veganism

In this case it’s milk and eggs, the animals producing them are still alive

Are you going to tell him he can’t have animal products in the house at all now?

Have you gone through your wardrobe and thrown out all the leather goods you may have?

Don’t be so silly

Selma22 · 05/03/2022 19:32

I have been vegan for almost five years and I can tell you I felt the strongest and most emotionally involved right at the start. When you look into it all it is so shocking that you have a strong emotional reaction.I was like that but we live in a world were most people consume animal products and unless you want to be alone you need to accept your friends and family will consume these ingredients.I don't even speak to anyone about my dietary choices (if asked tell them to look into it themselves) .Take my advise and let people do what they want to do

donquixotedelamancha · 05/03/2022 19:32

Our food bill is about the same but I cover most of the household food bill as I’m the main earner

I don't understand why it makes any difference whether you buy milk in person or online.

I also do 90% of the cooking (always have) tonight I cooked spicy peanut noodles and DP ordered a beef burger for delivery as he didn’t fancy that

You can't force your husband to agree with your views. You've decided on a pretty big change to the marriage dynamics without negotiating with him at all.

If I were in his position I'd feel pretty disrespected and excluded. That's nothing to do with you being vegan and everything to do with the way you've gone about it.

AlwaysLatte · 05/03/2022 19:32

I think your feelings are totally valid and anyone who cares about them should understand. He can easily pick up the items he wants, if doesn't have to be a contentious issue.

Original poster
Ellie198712 · 05/03/2022 19:34

We’re not going to have to do two food shops 😂 when we run out of eggs I’ll just cook something else! As mentioned I do most of the cooking at home, so for example I made avocado and tomato toast this morning and DH fried some bacon to have with his

OP posts:
TheWatersofMarch · 05/03/2022 19:34

You can do as you please, it's your values, your time, your family. If you have acknowledged that he will still spend family money on animal products, store them in your fridge, cook and eat them, what do you gain from refusing to buy them? Would it be better if he made a separate trip? Weigh up his use of time and money and resentment in making a separate trip with the praise you get in vegan FB groups and the good feeling of asserting your principles. If the latter is more important then don't buy them.

Frazzled2207 · 05/03/2022 19:35

Yabu

My husband became a veggie 3 years ago and these days is mostly vegan. Yes it’s a bit of a pain planning meals but whoever goes to sainsburys buys what both of us want

AlwaysLatte · 05/03/2022 19:35

I think you need to grow up honestly.
I don't know how, from this post about food, you've arrived at the conclusion that OP hasn't grown up honestly.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/03/2022 19:36

DP ordered a beef burger for delivery as he didn’t fancy that
This would really annoy me.

If it was my night to cook and we were eating together, I wouldn't make something DW didn't like, it a massive 'fuck you'.

user1493494961 · 05/03/2022 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Carpy899 · 05/03/2022 19:38

Would the people who are calling the OP a twat etc expect a Muslim to pick them up a bottle of vodka?

girlmom21 · 05/03/2022 19:39

when we run out of eggs I’ll just cook something else!

Are you just hoping he's lazy enough that eventually there'll be no meat products left in the house?

godmum56 · 05/03/2022 19:39

so when the non vegan stuff comes with the shopping delivery will you put it away?
Honestly i do think you are being a bit petty.

but baseline is is it a dealbreaker? If he says he will leave you over it, what would you do? How important is this to you?

Original poster
Ellie198712 · 05/03/2022 19:40

@donquixotedelamancha but why would that annoy you? He cooked chicken fajitas earlier in the week as his choice of meal. I obviously didn’t eat it but just had the veg and wrap!

Same for tonight, he could’ve fried himself an egg or some chicken to add to the noodles! He just fancied a burger

OP posts: