DP not affording date day

[toptrumpsyes]

On the whole my DP is lovely but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

I’ve had a really rough few weeks and today DP said we can go for a nice lunch. I packed nice clothes for this when visiting him this weekend (we don’t live together). Next weekend he is going out for a meal and go karting with his friends and he has just bought a festival ticket too.

In fairness he doesn’t go out loads and he has had these planned a while. But also I know that if his friends asked him to get a takeaway etc he would.
He said he can’t afford to take us out today anymore and I do feel like a lot of the time we spend staying in and cooking and saving money. He’s been nice about it but I can’t help but feel like second best?

Really shit budgeting

Quite frankly I'd just go home again.

Clearly he has priorities for spending his money and it's unfortunately not on time spent with you.

I'd go home. Did you tell him how disappointed you are ?

Could you state factually to him what he has done? ie he's splashed out for other events recently but you feel that he can't push the boat out for you so that makes you feel rather shit?

I agree with the PP, his budgeting does sound hopeless which is unattractive.

You say you don't live together OP. Does he always call the shots? Why can't you both pay?

Was he going yo pay for everything? Can you go 50/50? It's very disappointing.

Has he had an unexpected bill? Car fail its MOT? I'd ask.

If there's an unavoidable reason then ok, but he'd be cooking. And making you breakfast in bed.

I’d make it clear how it makes me feel being at the bottom of his priorities and ask him to address it moving forward.

Ultimately if he has already spent his budget for this month I wouldn’t want him to overspend.

I had a similar issue not with money but with planning things with my partner last year where I felt that he was always organising things with his friends but the only things we did together were things I organised. I expressed how I felt, He apologised and has made much more effort this year.

If this is a one off why don't you pay? If it happens a lot then you need to speak to him.

Why don't you offer to pay half or to take him out if you really want to go? His budgeting obviously does need work but if these events are long-planned and he's usually fine then I'd pay. If it's part of a much bigger pattern then obviously you have deeper problems.

Why is it down to him to pay? Do you share this, or take it in turns paying?

What were you expecting him to pay for? 50% or all of it?

Hi OP, I get you. Some people on here either can’t read or just post bs to be argumentative.

He asked you out to lunch. Now that you have prepared to go, he says he can’t afford to take you and suggests eating in at home - and this is a regular occurrence. Bin him and move on - women will only get what they deserve when they set their standards higher for acceptable behaviour in relationships.

You sound too apologetic for being annoyed. This wouldn’t work for me and it’s okay to say it doesn’t work for you either.

Who was paying? I wouldn’t expect him to pay for both of us.

Well I wouldn't flounce. I would say to him that I'm a little disappointed that he didnt budget for this and he shouldn't have suggested it if he cant afford it and he has made you feel a bit like second best as he prioritised lads weekend and festival tickets. I would also say you appreciate him being honest as I'd rather have someone tell me they cant afford something than get into debt

It reads like you're a booty call, not worth spending money on. I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Does he do this every month? If not , I wouldn’t be too upset.
Sometimes a lot of things happen in one month - Concert tickets need to be snagged at the time, presume meal and karting was a mates birthday?
He needs to start Klarna ing stuff!
I’d tell him “ hey, I’ve been a bit down the past few weeks and looking forward to a little treat - so why tell me and then cancel? It made me feel bad. And what are you doing to do to make it up to me?”
Is he going offer foot massage? Can you go away for the day but take a packed lunch?

If his finances have no prospect of getting better, it’s not unreasonable for you to draw a line under this relationship. It’s sounds quite boring

So he has got the cash but he's not spending it on doing things with you. I'd sack him off.

Who plays for the food when you stay with him?

It doesn't sound like a one off and staying at home cooking doesn't sound like what you need right now .
I'd bin him off this weekend and find something else to do as you've mentioned you've been having a rough time

I think context is key here.

Is he cheap towards you generally?

If you paid last time and it’s his turn this time, that’s unreasonable of him to shift the goalposts at the last minute. I’m presuming that’s why the onus is on him to pay this weekend rather than simply because he’s the man. Otherwise - you can still go out for a nice lunch and go halves, or you pick up the bill this time?

Why don’t you pay? He can pay next time

You could pay? and then still enjoy your date day.