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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dreading upcoming holiday, so want to cancel but family will be disappointed

241 replies

Sleepescapesme · 03/03/2022 03:40

We’ve had a holiday to New York booked for over 2 years now.
It’s repeatedly been moved forward due to covid and we are now due to go Easter weekend.
When we booked originally ‘kids’ were 18 and 16 so it was the final big trip before they flew the nest into uni etc.
They are now 21 and nearly 19 so things have changed a bit but they still seem keen to go.
All trip admin is down to me to organise- no point in asking DH to do anything except pay as he wouldn’t have a clue and I’d never relax.
I’ve had to sort estas, insurance, we have to have a supervised covid test in the 24 hour window before we leave, everything is pricey, car parking etc.
All this organisation is stressing me out and I’m not looking forward to it at all.
I keep reading how crime ridden NYC has become, the war in Ukraine has me worried me closer to home our dog is now elderly and she’s not going to be gear left with the dog sitter like she may have been 2 plus years ago.
Final payment time is looming, we’ve already dropped around 1k on deposit and NYV passes / insurance/ estas.
I want to cancel so much, I have no interest in going whatsoever but I know DH and DD especially will be really disappointed. It’s not up to me to decide to pull the rug on a family trip.
WWYD?

OP posts:
Pepperama · 03/03/2022 03:49

Can you get your kids helping with the organisation? It sounds like you’re overwhelmed with it all and don’t blame you, travelling has become such a logistics challenge. But I wouldn’t cancel, I think you’d regret not doing it and will probably still really enjoy spending that time together once you’re away. I don’t think the geopolitical situation will affect a US trip over Easter. I hope you manage to go and that it turns out much better than you feel about it now

beccahamlet · 03/03/2022 03:51

Is it the middle of the night where you are? Are you getting yourself in a state because it's dark and things are going round in your mind? I'm terrible for getting things out of proportion in the middle of the night. See how you feel in the morning.

A580Hojas · 03/03/2022 03:53

Grit your teeth and get on with it as other members of your family do want to go and if you suddenly cancelled they would, quite rightly, feel let down by you.

Try and change your mindset towards it. It really isn't that huge an amount of admin. I'm sure you will have an amazing time!

Original poster
Sleepescapesme · 03/03/2022 03:55

Yes, I keep waking at 2-3am worrying about it all. I’d gladly cancel at this very minute and go back to sleep relaxed.
DS has covid at the moment too so we are all awaiting to see whether the rest of us catch it too which isn’t helping.
I’m going to have a chat with them all tomorrow. I know DH will be pissed off but I’d rather have a few days of him sulking.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 03/03/2022 04:17

Are you under pressure in other areas of life but projecting onto this trip? It's just a holiday, I'm not sure how much more admin there is to sort now? I wouldn't cancel. Life happens whilst we're busy worrying. You may never get the chance to go with your family again.

Krabapple · 03/03/2022 04:18

Don’t cancel. I have been in the same situation. We went to NY - it was pre covid but I didn’t want to go. I was so stressed I had a meltdown the night before. I did go though & loved it.
We have had holidays through covid and all t he organising of tests (in fact everything) was down to me as dh couldn’t do it. I have been there with the sleepless nights and could have gladly cancelled.
You have done most of the hard work now by the sound of it. Just go and enjoy. It’s probably you kids Dream trip at that age .

GiantHaystacks2021 · 03/03/2022 04:19

I would see it through - this one last time.
But never again.

The kids are actually adults.
They are old enough to sort themselves out re: holidays.
I would make it damn clear that there won't be a next time.

Try to enjoy the holiday though. I'd love to visit NY.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 03/03/2022 04:20

And why can't they go without you?
Do they all have no arms and legs or something?

1forAll74 · 03/03/2022 04:22

Maybe just your Husband and your offsprings can go, if its all too much for you, and you are dreading it so much. It's a big place to visit,lots to do etc, and you have to be in the right mind to take advantage of everthing there,

HappyDays40 · 03/03/2022 04:24

I know it's stressful OP but maybe you need ti get others to take in some tasks too. If my husband tried to cancel our much awaited holiday I'd feel so let down and say I was going anyway.

twominutesmore · 03/03/2022 04:28

I would go. In years to come, you'll remember the lovely 'last holiday' with your kids and all of the admin will be forgotten.

Alternatively, you'll remember being responsible for cancelling the lovely 'last holiday' for minor reasons and disappointing your family.

This is definitely anxiety talking. Your dog will be fine. You are nowhere near Ukraine. New York has always had crime.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 03/03/2022 04:28

I'd go, I just can't see you regretting it. You are still highly unlikely to be the victim of a crime. The war in the Ukraine won't change if you go or not. I'd try and delegate the remaining tasks (maybe to your kids so they don't turn out to be as helpless as your husband) and concentrate on sorting out some decent care for your dog

twominutesmore · 03/03/2022 04:32

I was going to suggest delegating too but I think it sounds like you need to do everything for your own peace of mind. Could you set aside a day to do everything that's outstanding and delegate the other things you'd usually be doing that day instead? Squirrel yourself away with your laptop and get your family to make dinner, do the supermarket shopping, whatever you'd usually be doing?

Seema1234 · 03/03/2022 04:33

I'd go. Having recent gone abroad, it is so much more stressful to organise now but once there it's still the holiday you wanted. I found the testing and form filling etc made me dread it as I was worried about messing it up. But it was all fine.

I also think there was some trepedation after what's happened for the last few years.

HoppingPavlova · 03/03/2022 04:49

Why can’t they take over and go without you? Why is it you organising or nothing? If they have a choice of not going if you need to manage it, you may be surprised in that they step up and take over. They have a good time, you stay at home with the dog. Win, win.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 03/03/2022 04:49

Please go. You will regret not going much more than you would regret going. In fact I am with the other pp saying you will have a great time. My only concern would be your dog, but if s/he is used to being with the dog minder, or even better still, the dog minder could be someone your dog already loves (maybe even staying over in your house), I sure that your gorgeous dog will be fine.

pompomseverywhere · 03/03/2022 04:59

Sounds like you've done the majority of the hard work so why miss out on the nice bits.

Why don't you, H and kids focus TOGETHER on the nice activities you can do whilst you are there. Hey don't all have to be done together now the kids are older. You and H can have some time and nice activities can include long bath alone in nice hotel whilst reading a book.

Do you have other things in your life making you anxious?

Buildingthefuture · 03/03/2022 05:12

I would go. Holiday admin is a pain due to covid and yes, I do all ours because if I left it to DH, it would be a disaster. But it sounds like you’ve done most of it now. I’ve been to NY a few times, no issues with crime and we’ve always had a great time. There is so much to see and do and Easter is a good time to go, not too hot or cold. I understand your concern re: your dog, but if she’s with a sitter I think she will be fine, plus I assume you aren’t going for a fortnight? The organising is stressful but you will have a lovely family holiday when you are there.

Tickledtrout · 03/03/2022 05:25

Can't they go ahead and you stay at home?

RelentlessForwardProgress · 03/03/2022 05:26

I do understand how ridiculously stressful keeping an eye on all the moving parts of a trip like that is. The last pre covid trip I arranged for the family to the states, I had an A5 notebook that was full of booking references for car hires, hotel room hires, road toll smart passes etc that I put down on a hand drier in an airport loo and had a complete meltdown until I found it. Relaxing it isn't......

Having said that, when my sibling and I were in our teens my parents took us to the US annually on various trips down the Big Sur, Florida keys, Boston and New York etc. We look back and talk about those trips so much, they were real family bonding times before uni and relationships started altering the dynamics.

My parents are in their 80s now and not in the best of health. My mum said recently that she was glad they did those holidays with us while they were still young enough and had the stamina to go, because when you get older all you really have is the memory of things you did when you were younger Sad

Aprilx · 03/03/2022 05:29

I always do the holiday organisation. There really is not that much to sort out for a trip to NY, estas and tests take maybe thirty minutes to organise, don’t cancel your holiday over this. But it sounds like you didn’t want to go, I think it would be very unfair to cancel everybody’s holiday because you don’t want to go when they do, but you could drop out and have some time at home alone.

Suzi888 · 03/03/2022 05:34

How long is the trip? If this is just a city break rather than a two week holiday I think you are being very unreasonable to have left it until now to cancel- based on the reasons you’ve given (sorry).

I get the dog angle, as I have a dog myself snd wouldn’t use kennels, but have family and friends who would happily take him.

CrowFriend · 03/03/2022 06:01

New York is fabulous - so much to see and do and great for younger and older adults. As a last hooray for family holidays it’s a wonderful plan.

The worry about your dog is the only thing that would give me pause ( the rest of the stuff is all doable via lists and team effort). But presumably you’ll only be away for a week or so, and you’re leaving the dog with someone he/she knows? Can you optimise for the dog by getting the dog sitter to stay in your home or a friend/someone else dog knows to stay?
And establish understanding with your family that if dog becomes unwell etc in interim they will have to go without you?

Things in NYC that we enjoyed:
Ellis Island ( boat trip via Statue of Liberty then really interesting museum on the island - so many stories of immigrants arriving from all over the world)
Empire State Building - quieter and even more impressive views at night. If peak times worth buying express tickets.
Central Park - see John Lennons’s memorial stone etc
Grand Central Station - architecture is amazing
Brilliant museums and art galleries
Visit trip advisor top breakfast place ( just by Central Park), steak house, deli etc etc.

One of the great things is that NYC features in lots of famous films and in years to come when you and DH/DC see various scenes in films you will get a free hit of nostalgia and memories of your holiday.

Shoxfordian · 03/03/2022 06:09

It sounds like you’re used to being the one who does all the organising and that dynamic needs to change but you shouldn’t cancel your trip

Your children are adults now; get them to join in with it and consider whether you’re happy with the way things are with your dh

Hollyhead · 03/03/2022 06:12

Op it does sound stressful and I agree with others that you could engage your DC with helping.

It may be that some of the testing requirements have been further reduced by then so that might not be an issue.