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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dreading upcoming holiday, so want to cancel but family will be disappointed

241 replies

Sleepescapesme · 03/03/2022 03:40

We’ve had a holiday to New York booked for over 2 years now.
It’s repeatedly been moved forward due to covid and we are now due to go Easter weekend.
When we booked originally ‘kids’ were 18 and 16 so it was the final big trip before they flew the nest into uni etc.
They are now 21 and nearly 19 so things have changed a bit but they still seem keen to go.
All trip admin is down to me to organise- no point in asking DH to do anything except pay as he wouldn’t have a clue and I’d never relax.
I’ve had to sort estas, insurance, we have to have a supervised covid test in the 24 hour window before we leave, everything is pricey, car parking etc.
All this organisation is stressing me out and I’m not looking forward to it at all.
I keep reading how crime ridden NYC has become, the war in Ukraine has me worried me closer to home our dog is now elderly and she’s not going to be gear left with the dog sitter like she may have been 2 plus years ago.
Final payment time is looming, we’ve already dropped around 1k on deposit and NYV passes / insurance/ estas.
I want to cancel so much, I have no interest in going whatsoever but I know DH and DD especially will be really disappointed. It’s not up to me to decide to pull the rug on a family trip.
WWYD?

OP posts:
hoping2016 · 03/03/2022 09:58

We went just pre covid, there was a lot to organise and I was quite stressed generally before going. However, it was the best break so much going on takes your mind away from the day to day for sure! It wasn't somewhere I was desperate to go to but having been it was one of the most refreshing and energising breaks I've ever done. If you can, go for it....esp as your children are at an age where they will fully benefit and make special family memories for all xx

alltheapples · 03/03/2022 10:00

London is crime-ridden. But I never see it as when I go I go to tourist areas, not back streets in dodgy areas. Presumably, you will be doing the same in New York.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/03/2022 10:15

Hopefully you feel better about this in daylight, things always seem worse in the middle of the night.

We went to NY with our late teens a couple of years ago and it was fab. We felt very safe - I was amazed at the police presence everywhere - rarely see a police officer in London, but they were everywhere in NY - on foot, horseback, cars.

Go and have a fab time.

AgathaMystery · 03/03/2022 10:25

@beccahamlet

Is it the middle of the night where you are? Are you getting yourself in a state because it's dark and things are going round in your mind? I'm terrible for getting things out of proportion in the middle of the night. See how you feel in the morning.
Feels like you were speaking directly to me. Thanks because I needed telling xx Smile
oakleaffy · 03/03/2022 10:26

@Sleepescapesme
One thing leaps out at me..
Your older dog.

I bet she is the underlying reason you are feeling wobbly.

She’ll be fine.
You'll have an interesting time- you’ll enjoy it once you are there.
Rope in the offspring to help you!

Inkyblue123 · 03/03/2022 10:27

You may well have Covid anxiety. Lots of people, have developed travel anxiety ; getting stuck abroad away from home and family. With a war on our door step as well it is hardly surprising you feel reluctant to go. It’s a sign of the times. Would you still be anxious getting the Eurostar to Paris? Is it the distance that bothers you? Talk to your kids, see the Dr and remember NYC isn’t going anywhere. You can go another time, if you are going to hate every minute there I really don’t see the point in going, but first speak to someone and get to the root of your anxiety.

oakleaffy · 03/03/2022 10:28

New York is much safer these days too- Compared to 1970’s/1980’s

MrsRandallFraser · 03/03/2022 10:29

I felt like this right before going on our much needed beach holiday earlier this year. I couldn't even have put my finger on what exactly was making me anxious, just that something was and I wasn't looking forward to going at all. But in the end, I loved it and managed to relax and have a lovely time.

I really do think the last two years have managed to suck the joy out of everything, where we once looked forward to escaping has now become an admin nightmare and even though it's unlikely, I think the fear that guidelines will change and things will get cancelled is still there.

For NYC itself, we went a couple of years ago and absolutely loved it - you will have an amazing time once you're there and can relax a little bit.

Snog · 03/03/2022 10:31

It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of anxiety, in common with more and more people especially since the pandemic, and war in Ukraine.

I would look to get some support with this, maybe from a counsellor. Have you told DH how you are feeling and if so is he supportive? It's OK to tell your family how you feel and to ask for their understanding and support. This in itself may be all you need to feel able to go on the trip and enjoy it. If not do reach out for more support. You are not alone.

Delatron · 03/03/2022 10:33

I think it’s the uncertainty, the joy is sucked out of everything, even travel. You can’t get excited about holidays any more until you’re actually on the plane due to the amount of admin/testing crap and then someone may get Covid just before. Everything important (tests/forms) need to be done in the few days before.

It is worth it in the end though.

meatyryvita · 03/03/2022 10:35

NYC is ace! I have been there many times (mainly for work) and so been alone, I've not had one iota of trouble and I've wandered around in the evenings/gone to bars by myself too.

Stillfunny · 03/03/2022 10:35

I am a US citizen, so don't have to do that sort or admin ( remember the good old days when travel agents did all this for you! )
But as for the iternary the DCs are definitely old enough to do this. A c useful thing is split the visits into uptown, midtown , downtown and everyone should discuss what they discuss is their unmissable thing to do.
And why a car ? Are you really sure that you need one ? Many NYers don't even own one as parking is a nightmare and transport is so good . Unless you want to leave the city , I would really advise you not to bother. Cabs are plentiful at JFK , even A train Subway. Newark has buses .
And I would definitely put the DCs in charge of negotiating the Subway stops .
Do go , you will have a good time together

burnoutbabe · 03/03/2022 10:42

I'd be more concerned getting other people (my boyfriend) to do things like insurance/flights/booking covid tests/ESTA as i;d need to then double check it all, nag to see if HAS BEEN DONE YET etc

So much more peaceful to do that myself so i know that it is 100% done, done correctly and we will be going.

The iternary when there, well that can be done by anyone. Get a google doc of what things being want to do and then allocate days to each and someone books it for the 4 of you (depending on how the holiday is being paid for)

Many things don;t need to be booked now - we booked loads from our New York hotel - boat trip around the entire island was booked that morning for example.

Statue of libery may need booking in advance - we did a crown tour which needed booking as soon as the spefiic month opened up as very limited numbers.

Loopytiles · 03/03/2022 10:42

I get pre holiday / travel anxiety, it’s a big trigger for me. Have almost always had a good time upon arriving!

Your DH doing nothing is a problem and YABU for being so passive about that.

In future Wouldn’t organise/pay for things for adult DC when they don’t do their share of the organising and other tasks.

Knittingnanny2 · 03/03/2022 10:44

I totally agree with those who have used the phrase “ totally sucked the joy out”, I actually used to enjoy the planning etc but not now
My biggest ( holiday related ) fear is having a positive result from the pre flight test, how disappointing would that be
Not important in the bigger picture though of what is going on in Ukraine.

irisetta · 03/03/2022 10:45

I lived in NYC for 10 years, came back to the UK only recently. It's no more crime ridden than London, in fact I would say less so. What it is, is expensive. Budget a good amount and then some! It does sound like you are being overly anxious, I think if you did cancel you'd regret it. NYC is like nowhere else on Earth!

Maverick197 · 03/03/2022 10:50

Don't cancel. You will enjoy it once you get there. Family holidays have the same impact on me, all the organisation falls on me and everyone else expects everything to go smoothly. I was relieved when we couldn't go on family holidays during covid!

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 03/03/2022 10:58

We have just come back from NY. we normally travel all over the world but this felt like a really big, stressful deal. I think with covid I have become more insulated and isolated so anxiety is extra inflated. I hurt my knee just before we went, I gave a lift to my son’s friend twice in the week before we left and then he tested positive, we were leaving my son behind and my pets who are ageing and adored and we flew on the day that the storms were at their worst, it felt like the Universe was screaming don’t go! But we went, had a good time and my daughter and her friend had an amazing time.
They rummaged through goodwill stores, walked across the Brooklyn bridge at night to see the lights of Manhattan and we sent them up the Empire State Building by themselves and met them in Oscar Wildes bar afterwards (daughter is a big fan). They loved it. As well as a couple of shows and an escape room.

Share your anxiety feelings with your family and then just bite the bullet and go. You are making memories and that is the most important thing you can do.

kickupafuss · 03/03/2022 11:10

I feel like this before most holidays now even before covid. I wonder if it’s worth the stress but it always is. I amake time for a meal and a glass of bubbles at the airport to celebrate having got there! Make the most of the time together as a family.

Beneficentbovine88 · 03/03/2022 11:29

The stresses of post-Covid is definitely a factor, but I think many women feel anxiety about going on holiday because they do most of the organisation and wife work and it's tiring! A lot of husbands I know just throw a few laundered clothes in to a bag and head for the airport and don't worry about leaving the house in a state or whatever.

Beamur · 03/03/2022 11:29

Get an independent travel agent to sort

Beneficentbovine88 · 03/03/2022 11:30

post-Covid travel

CallyfromBlakes7 · 03/03/2022 11:33

I make time for a meal and a glass of bubbles at the airport to celebrate having got there

this is a great idea, the most stressful part of a holiday is making sure you get to the airport on time Grin

LampLighter414 · 03/03/2022 11:33

It's a weird limbo at the moment, doesn't feel like much has happened with this big convoy and no escalation on the nukes. I'm a bit of an empath and take on others feeling easily so it's been much better than the last few days where I was constantly fighting tears thinking of all the poor families trying to get out, men fighting for their homes etc, but I know some big news could come at any time and the whole news cycle explodes and it's just impossible to avoid.

Beamur · 03/03/2022 11:35

Get an independent travel agent to sort it out for you. They're not that expensive and it takes the hassle out.

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