Dreading upcoming holiday, so want to cancel but family will be disappointed

[Sleepescapesme]

We’ve had a holiday to New York booked for over 2 years now.
It’s repeatedly been moved forward due to covid and we are now due to go Easter weekend.
When we booked originally ‘kids’ were 18 and 16 so it was the final big trip before they flew the nest into uni etc.
They are now 21 and nearly 19 so things have changed a bit but they still seem keen to go.
All trip admin is down to me to organise- no point in asking DH to do anything except pay as he wouldn’t have a clue and I’d never relax.
I’ve had to sort estas, insurance, we have to have a supervised covid test in the 24 hour window before we leave, everything is pricey, car parking etc.
All this organisation is stressing me out and I’m not looking forward to it at all.
I keep reading how crime ridden NYC has become, the war in Ukraine has me worried me closer to home our dog is now elderly and she’s not going to be gear left with the dog sitter like she may have been 2 plus years ago.
Final payment time is looming, we’ve already dropped around 1k on deposit and NYV passes / insurance/ estas.
I want to cancel so much, I have no interest in going whatsoever but I know DH and DD especially will be really disappointed. It’s not up to me to decide to pull the rug on a family trip.
WWYD?

Please don’t cancel. It’s not fair on your family, they’ll be looking forward to it. Tell the, you’re struggling with all the logistics and prep, and rope them in to help.

Why are you having to do all the organisation/planning OP? Can you not divvy it up amongst you all? How would you react if you did that?
Maybe do this holiday as it sounds like you’ve done much of the graft already. But then afterwards no more. Your DC are adults now and can sort themselves out re holidays. Likely their hols will be with their boyfriend/girlfriends, with mates, backpacking that kind of thing. You can go away (if you want to) just you and your DH and have a much more relaxing experience (if you’re having to organise HIM though that’s a different story)

Me and DH go to NY in 2 weeks for our 2020 50th birthday(s) trip! I do get exactly what you mean, it is a palaver with Covid tests added in. We're doing tests at home supervised by someone on a zoom link, it's recommended on Virgin's website and we have the tests here already.

I've done the estas, DH did the insurance and car park. It it overwhelming doing it all and for 4 people but I think you should go! For the first time since our trip was originally cancelled I'm letting myself get a bit excited!

Holiday admin has been much more stressful in the last couple of years due to testing and paperwork, but once on the plane you can give a big sign of relief and sit back and start to relax.

Although you can save everything you need on your phone, I like to print it in a folder as back up copies.

So, your covid vaccine passes, test results certificates and passenger landing forms - all in there and then you can just flick through when asked to show it. It’s reassuring to have it all in one place.

Re: testing. I’d advise using a reputable provider. Last time I used one I hadn’t heard of as it was a bit cheaper. However, if turned out it closed on bank holidays - despite the fact that we flew on a bank holiday and they knew that when we booked tests! Did manage to get results in the end (long story) but they didn’t come through until 10 mins before final check in time.. just as we were about to give up and drive home from the airport!

I've been in the situation of dreading an upcoming trip so many times, but every single time without fail I end up getting there and having a ball. As soon as you are in your hotel room you'll be able to forget all the stress of the organisation and have a ball.

We are going for 6 days, flying with BA so I’m hoping the verifly app will be easy to load everything up to. I’ve already done the ESTAs, booked insurance and have the sightseeing passes ready to download.
I need to book tests in the 24hrs before we leave and car parking.
So yes, mostly done.
I’m definitely peri menopausal, the anxiety I’m feeling over EVERYTHING at the moment is taking joy out of life. I am excessively worrying about DDs new job that she has to travel for etc, I worry about my old dog.
Thanks for the pep talk, I just need to get a grip and start looking and making an itinerary. Once I’m back in control I’ll be fine 😵‍💫🥺

I would definitely go I felt like this about a holiday to America and it ended up being one of the best we had as a family.everyone else is looking forward to it and you don't know how many more family holidays you will be able to take as your kids are older. get your husband or kids to help with the admin.one of the things which the pandemic made me realize was that we should have travelled more.geopolitically it won't be affected by the war in Ukraine.do you know a neighbour or friend who could have the dog.ee went to NY in 2019 and it was really safe I last went in 1991 !

Having lost an elderly dog, I would send your family off on the holiday and stay at home for precious time with your old boy.

I can definitely recommend the verifly app.

Just so you know, you can only have it on one device at a time, so choose the device you will have with you at the airport. Also printed copies of everything as a backup

You can have everyone on one account as companions, or everyone does their own account and shows their own details at the airport.

I would strongly suggest you get DH and both dc to do their own accounts, you will be scaffolding the dc into learning how to manage traveling on their own and dh can take a small piece of the burden

On a different note have you thought about HRT, my anxiety and overall moods are so much better since I started on it

It's safe in the main tourist sights areas ,funnily enough we went at easter.the break will do you good and it will be lovely to spend time together as a family.its an easy holiday because everyone speaks english.the sightseeing and shopping is great.your dog will be fine for the few days .this has been meant to happen for 2 years so everyone would be bitterly disappointed.let your husband know about your general anxiety I'm sure he will be supportive

I hear you and know exactly what you mean.
I think go, cos it will forever be talked about if you don't. But scale down to one thing each day to arrange and let the rest just happen.
There is a lot to be seen on foot, and you can jump in a cab if you are tired.
I don't think day time central new york is much different to London tbh in terms of theft/homeless etc.
It's one of those places that just being there is an experience in itself.

I was going to ask if you are peri too! I had these feelings before a holiday and it was my wake up that I needed some hrt. I knew my anxiety was impacting my sleep and my family. I was so worried about everything. Year or so down the line and I now sleep well and have flown again and coped with it all.

I think the admin etc will be worth it when you are strolling through Central Park with your family 👍

@Sleepescapesme Ah op, I feel I've been a bit harsh now! .Going through the menopause is bloody awful( and peri) my anxiety was through the roof, and I was really struggling for a few years. I still am sometimes to be honest, and the brain fog is still there, even though I'm post meno.

I completely get the worrying about your adult dd as well. I'm the same!

You've put the work in. Go and enjoy your holiday and have a great time with your family. Plan some stuff around your interests and not just everyone else.let us know how you get on after your trip.

Gosh holidays should be fun and exciting but if I felt like how you do why put yourself through it?

Thanks for the tip about Verifly! Just downloaded it.

Seriously, @Sleepescapesme stop needing to control everyone.

Once I’m back in control I’ll be fine

They are all adults. And your children need to work out how to manage themselves. And your husband too.

Hope you can relax enough to enjoy the holiday, without a typed up itinerary for each day. Holidays are supposed to be fun!

Printing everything off and putting it in a big brightly coloured folder really eases my anxiety. Somehow it feels better having something I can hold on to. I print extra copies to put in suitcases.

I also create a folder in my phone email app for all the holiday emails and make sure all emails are forwarded to dh so he has copies as well. I would forward them all to your dc as well, op. The more of you that have all the information to hand the better, then if you're suddenly asked to show something you can delegate to someone else if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I hope you have a lovely time

I would go. Holidays with the 'children' are always precious memories once you've done the admin and you're there. I haven't RTFT, but I have visited NYC a lot and I often help friends with their itineraries. If you DM me I'd be really happy to find out what kind of thing you would all like to do and at least help you with the planning part. (I am not a travel agent or a journalist but just love doing this and would be happy to help!).

Let them go and stay home with the dog. Why is your husband so useless? The kids are adults now, maybe they can take over the admin?

@Spanielsarepainless

Having lost an elderly dog, I would send your family off on the holiday and stay at home for precious time with your old boy.

@Spanielsarepainless But the trip to New York might be a once in a lifetime trip. It is for most of us. Not all that often that we have the finances, means and circumstances to do such a trip. Not sure I could sacrifice that in order to spend time with a dog which I’m sure Op has cared for well over many years

I think if your peri menopause anxiety can kick in and try to take over your life, you can’t let it. You have one life to be lived. As others have said you’ve done nearly all of the work now anyway.
Soon your children won’t want to come with you, so go enjoy this time together in an amazing city
Have a well earned drink on the plane and try to relax! Tell them to get organising what they want to see and do, you’ll love it please go for it!

Yes as an add on dog will be fine it’s just anxiety brain throwing things at you! Enjoy your holiday come back tell us how fab it was!

You have '4 o'clock in the morning madness ' which creates anxiety over even minor things. I lain awake at that time stressing over details that I couldn't even remember the next morning. And I'm sure being peri-menopausal doesn't help. And your first proper travel since CoVid is going to be massive.

I'm so pleased to see you are going to push through and go on this trip. Please come back and let us know how it went.

TBH I think so many of us now have been restricted for so long,that the thought of coming out again anywhere is scary! Please go I think you will regret it if you dont .You have done most of the organising now anyway .A week or so will fly by .I often feel anxious before I go abroad ,but love it when there.What will you do at home? I get leaving your doggy is hard .I miss mine like crazy .If you have someone you leave her with she will be absolutely fine .Have a great time !

Ah, op, its just the stress of organising it all taking away the excitement...Talk to you family, not to convince them to cancel but to enlist their support - either practical or emotional.

I think hearing them excitedly talking about what they're looking forward to will help you catch it again.

Also, sleep. You're clearly overwrought. After 2 years of not leaving the house I think most people are struggling to adapt to the pace they used to live at again.

Think about some lovely things you'd like to do while you're there and keep them in your head for when it gets stressful