Dreading upcoming holiday, so want to cancel but family will be disappointed

[Sleepescapesme]

We’ve had a holiday to New York booked for over 2 years now.
It’s repeatedly been moved forward due to covid and we are now due to go Easter weekend.
When we booked originally ‘kids’ were 18 and 16 so it was the final big trip before they flew the nest into uni etc.
They are now 21 and nearly 19 so things have changed a bit but they still seem keen to go.
All trip admin is down to me to organise- no point in asking DH to do anything except pay as he wouldn’t have a clue and I’d never relax.
I’ve had to sort estas, insurance, we have to have a supervised covid test in the 24 hour window before we leave, everything is pricey, car parking etc.
All this organisation is stressing me out and I’m not looking forward to it at all.
I keep reading how crime ridden NYC has become, the war in Ukraine has me worried me closer to home our dog is now elderly and she’s not going to be gear left with the dog sitter like she may have been 2 plus years ago.
Final payment time is looming, we’ve already dropped around 1k on deposit and NYV passes / insurance/ estas.
I want to cancel so much, I have no interest in going whatsoever but I know DH and DD especially will be really disappointed. It’s not up to me to decide to pull the rug on a family trip.
WWYD?

We were all supposed to go to NY 8 years ago when the children were 16 and 18. DH had a health scare so couldn't go.
We cancelled and let the kids go alone. Lucky kids eh?
They had a ball.
I don't organise anything. They just tramped the streets, wore out their shoe leather.

Why not split the family in two fir activities - let the you g ones organise their own days and you and husband do the same.
Then meet in the evenings?

I sense the stress may be about trying to please everyone. Don't bother! Just please yourself and let them get on with it. Like my DC they're lucky to get treated to such a great trip!

Sounds like you’ve done all the legwork already.

Don’t worry about disappointing your DH and kids, think about reaping the rewards of your hard work and having a great time. A colleague just came from from NY and had a great time. (I was never a massive fan of NY as it’s just another city to me, but even I wouldn’t pass up on this trip!)

Rest in the knowledge that you don’t have to book another family holiday ever again if you don’t want to.

I would go.

DS (22) has just been - 2 weeks ago - to Boston and New York for a short trip.

I had been worrying about the homelessness crisis and street violence etc but apparently it was not like that at all.

He had a great time, went round Central Park, to comedy clubs and used the underground and was fine. He felt as safe as in his Uni town.

At 22 he was able to organise his visas and Covid tests - which was a lot less stressful than DH going to Spain last year.

New York is amazing and has lots to do whatever your interests.

Your dog is a big consideration but if your dog sitter is ok to still stay with him he should be fine for a few days.

I'm hoping that we can manage a big family trip next year. It will possibly be our last - though both have said that if it's a good destination and we are paying, they'll come!

How old are you OP? I have had many of these anxiety attacks I’ll call for want of a better word around holidays over the last few years. I think for me they were menopausal.

I’d lie awake in the night with a sick feeling over my parents, going away from home, leaving them, leaving the pets etc. It would usually pass once I was on the way to the airport and I’d organised everything, booked everything, had my holiday money and all my tickets and documents in my little blue folder.

Go, you will enjoy it, honestly.

We are going in the summer - few days in NYC after a trip to Florida. Yes it’s become more crime ridden but it’s still a great city. My kids are 14 & 18 and I love NYC, looking forward to them seeing it too. Have a chat with the family, if they are keen to go I’d just put my big girl pants on and go, I bet you’ll all have a fantastic time

Let them go without you.

I had a meltdown over a 4 day trip to Ilfracombe last week, so I do get it

Please don't cancel. Talk it through with your dh and make a to do list together. You'll get there. I felt a completely different person after finally getting to Ilfracombe. I had no idea just how much I desperately needed a break and a change of scene.

It is pretty stressful organising a trip abroad post Covid. But it sounds like you've already done the difficult bits and to be fair to your DH, holiday administration is really a one person job.
Can you leave the itinerary organisation to them ? So you get them there through passport control etc. but up to them to arrange the days out etc. ?

We've travelled many times over the covid time. Honestly it's not that bad. Yes you have to be organised with paperwork, but it sounds like you've done most of the leg work. Your family may become resentful if you cancel and think of the wonderful memories you will create if you go. No one ever regrets travelling - the world is an amazing place

@Sleepescapesme

Yes, I keep waking at 2-3am worrying about it all. I’d gladly cancel at this very minute and go back to sleep relaxed. DS has covid at the moment too so we are all awaiting to see whether the rest of us catch it too which isn’t helping. I’m going to have a chat with them all tomorrow. I know DH will be pissed off but I’d rather have a few days of him sulking.

It wouldn't just be a few days of him sulking though would it, if you cancelled a trip booked over two years ago I would be furious. But then, I wouldn't leave you to do all the work so I certainly understand the stressed out part. I think you will have an amazing time and being away with your dc is worth it.

Agree also that you should book exactly what you want to do and don't try and please everyone else. Write a quick list, message them all and say 'tell me which of these you want me to book you in for, then book your own if you want to do other things'. Then start looking forward to the things YOU want.

Go OP, cancelling isn’t fair on the rest or, at a please let them go themselves.

Yes there is crime. Crime is everywhere though.

Get them involved with what they want to do when they are there. Don’t do all the planning although it seems it’s all done.

I remember being riddled with anxiety before we went to Florida. I was awake the night before nearly vomiting with anxiety.
On the day we went I was absolutely fine, and had a great time.
You will be ok too, you’ve just got to get through the waiting best you can.

I've been like with holidays since 9/11. I get stressed out by the admin and flying rules, constantly checking on the flight times, passport dates, making sure no one has liquids, scissors etc, are bags too heavy. However, once through security I know I will relax and feel a lot calmer. I totally get it though, it can feel like the worry takes the joy out of trips. Dh always does the car parking so maybe get yours to do that one thing.

Once you're there you'll have a fabulous time and your family WILL appreciate the time and effort it took to get you all there. NYC is loud and dirty but also unique and exciting! The only part I felt a bit unsafe was on the subway so I would avoid that. Take the big bus hop on/off tour. You see loads for little effort.

Hopefully by Easter the USA will have scrapped the one day test so that might be one less thing to worry about.

It would be really mean to cancel without giving the others a chance to help with the admin. Of course your DH could do it, he either just first want to or you won’t let him because you have less anxiety if you do everything. The kudos found help too. If this is a last ‘family hol’ I think you will all really regret it if you cancel.

OP in the nicest possible way I think you need to pull up your big girl pants here. And if you really don’t want to go, it’s not fair to cancel it for everyone else.

Take it in small steps. Book your insurance asap. And leave the ESTAs until much later. They last for two years from issue, not two years from your trip, so doing them now is a waste. I think you can do a group application.

As for the rest, just turn up and have fun! So much to do but it’s also a great city for just soaking up the atmosphere, no need to feel like you’re doing something every second. Spend some time relaxing in the park, and the circle line ferry is a great way to see lots of the island (whilst sat down, having a beer).

On the crime point, I did hear the subway is pretty much a no go nowadays which is a shame, but taxis are a cheap option for 4 anyway.

The first time we travelled after 18 months of COVID, it all felt so complex that I felt like cancelling it too. I had just list my travel mojo, and forgotten how to do it.

Luckily travelling is the only way to see family, so I pushed through and honestly, the minute I got to the airport, it was fantastic and I started planning more trips. New York is great, your family will have a wonderful time.

I feel your pain OP, I always have to organise holidays and in current times it can be overwhelming.
But you’ve done most of the hard work and I think you’ll regret it if you don’t go, especially as your children are so keen. Might be the last chance you all get to go away together

Go! You will have a great time once you are there. It will be worth the stress.

It sounds like you’ve done most of the hard work already OP but I totally get where you’re coming from. I had to organise every family holiday as ex-DH couldn’t find his own arse with both hands. By the time they actually came around I was seething with resentment and didn’t want to go.

You will love NY, it’s a great city and so easy to get around. I’ve not been for a few years but felt safer wandering around there than I do in my home town. The first glimpse of Manhattan and the sheer scale of the skyscrapers is amazing.

This will be your last family holiday and one the kids will always remember. Make lists, pass stuff to them to book if they want to do something specific and then try and relax so at least they will all enjoy it. Please don't cancel on them as that is something they'll never forget.

Get them to help with the paperwork. It's really not that arduous- I'm going to New York soon, it's pretty straight forward

I got just back from Las Vegas. Literally two nights ago.

Honestly, it really wasn’t all that bad. That paper work isn’t that difficult and once you’re there you’ll have an amazing time.

The passenger locator form on the way home has been simplified as well.

Just make sure it’s all printed or if you’re flying BA use VeriFLY.

You’ll have a great time once you’re there. We’re so glad we went in the end!

I have been to US twice (CHristmas and February) and the admin is insane. (Less though that at Christmas not doing that again).

If you are anything like me passing it over just isnt an option. Its not that someone wouldnt but it is me - I like knowing it is all done properly and watching someone else do it doesnt help. At Christmas the at home PCR test form admin broke me after the PLF (which should have gone) and I tried to get my parents and DH to do there own. And honestly the slowness and the need for information that I knew made me realise - it was my responsibility because of me as much as anyone else!

After Christmas we nearly cancelled February until I realised frankly the admin involved in sorting that out and getting all the money back would have been just as stressful as actually going!

So break down into chunks

1. Check Insurance
2. Do ESTAs - use official site, add in middle names and ignore social media section it is optional
3. Wait for the March 18th US travel review and see if anything changes 4)Book in tests 5)Make sure vaccinations are valid

Who are you flying with?

Harry Potter is set in a boarding school? How did I not know that?