Dreading upcoming holiday, so want to cancel but family will be disappointed

[Sleepescapesme]

We’ve had a holiday to New York booked for over 2 years now.
It’s repeatedly been moved forward due to covid and we are now due to go Easter weekend.
When we booked originally ‘kids’ were 18 and 16 so it was the final big trip before they flew the nest into uni etc.
They are now 21 and nearly 19 so things have changed a bit but they still seem keen to go.
All trip admin is down to me to organise- no point in asking DH to do anything except pay as he wouldn’t have a clue and I’d never relax.
I’ve had to sort estas, insurance, we have to have a supervised covid test in the 24 hour window before we leave, everything is pricey, car parking etc.
All this organisation is stressing me out and I’m not looking forward to it at all.
I keep reading how crime ridden NYC has become, the war in Ukraine has me worried me closer to home our dog is now elderly and she’s not going to be gear left with the dog sitter like she may have been 2 plus years ago.
Final payment time is looming, we’ve already dropped around 1k on deposit and NYV passes / insurance/ estas.
I want to cancel so much, I have no interest in going whatsoever but I know DH and DD especially will be really disappointed. It’s not up to me to decide to pull the rug on a family trip.
WWYD?

You can do the tests at the airport. Rapid. Book a nice airport hotel the night before you need to and get the tests done there? Results in 6 hours.

Your kids are adults, so delegate some jobs to them.
Please don’t cancel. NY is amazingly vibrant and exciting, you’ll experience at really different lifestyle and way of being.
It has its problems but I’ve always felt and been safe there.

Print everything off so you have paper documents Heathrow airport had problems last weekend

Not sure if it's been mentioned but anyone who has covid up to 90 days before travelling won't need to do a test before flying to the US. You'll need a doctor's letter to say you've recovered though.

Get them involved it's all part of the fun. Once insurance, estas etc are done, usually not a big job, they're done and you don't have to think about them again.

Don't over plan an itinerary, go with the flow when you're there, hit the things that they want to do but other than that just enjoy soaking in the being there.

It sounds as though there's something more going on for you than just the organisation.
Having travelled a lot (I've been very lucky) and taken our three kids to New York on countless occasions from probably 8 years old until they're in their 20s, it's a very easy travel. No language issues, food issues, more to do/see than you could fit in. What is really bothering you? It sounds like you're looking for reasons not to go.

I completely understand the pre holiday stress exactly when you throw the Covid testing and forms to fill in. The problem with the testing is you can’t get organised and do it it advance so it’s a whole load of last minute stress.

Is there anything you can delegate to husband? Insurance/hotel admin?

I honestly don’t blame you though for wanting to stay at home with your dog. It’s hugely stressful and everything is more expensive these days. You have my sympathy.

What I will say is once you get on the plane, all the stress disappears and you will have a great family holiday.

I personally wouldn’t cancel and I would go for it. It may be your last ‘family’ holiday and NYC is an amazing city!

I went a few years ago and I was around your eldest’s age, so I’m more than happy to give you lots of recommendations for restaurants, theatre, museums etc.

It’s a great city and me and my husband still talk about the trip to this day! We’re looking to go back next year and we’d have an 8 month to 1 year old!

Bloody hell go!!!!

NYC is AMAZING!! you'd be denying your family a last holiday together over various bizarre fears!!

I'm a rcountry bumpkin and absolutely hate places like London with a passion. But New York? It has to be one of the most amazing places on earth. Every street feels like you're on a film set and it's all so oddly familiar.

Go. You'll hugely regret it if you don't. We didn't arrange anything until we arrived there, and took it day by day according to the weather and how we felt. But tell your DH to get off his arse and help else you will cancel it.

I also think anxiety is talking. You’re finding excuses not to go - it will be great. Would you feel the same if someone else was organising the whole thing? Can you share with your daughters that you’re feeling anxious about all the organisation and ask them to help?

New York is amazing, and no more crime ridden than London. You'll have a brilliant time.

My OH has been back to the UK twice in the last 2 months, and he organised it all himself. Throughout France changing the law the weekend he was over there and covid rules changing every which way he looked.

Don't accept your husband not being able to organise stuff, it is ridiculous. He needs to step up.

I agree that the admin/booking car parking etc is neither here nor there and presumably you've already done most of the admin anyway. 30 mins max as a pp said.

But I often feel like this before holidays as well - it always seems like a lot of stress and I suppose somewhere like New York is a different level because it's a long haul flight and quite expensive so you want to enjoy it. I am going away for the weekend next week and am now wishing I wasn't - nothing to do with the war, just feel like I can't really be bothered. But I will be glad I went once there.

Travel abroad these days just seems like such an absolute pain in the arse nightmare so I fully understand your point OP. I have zero inclination to leave the UK at the moment so you’re not being unreasonable.

I am not saying don't go but the one thing that resonates with me is your old dog. I have got an old dog too and he has become much less independent and happy to be left over the last two years....but if you have a dogs sitter your dog is happy with and who you trust then that would be a big load off my mind in your circs. Have you been leaviing him/her with the sitter at all recently? could you do a trial night? As others have said, it does sound as though the organisational heavy lifting has been mostly done....but yes for the future if you feel that you are taking on too much of the stressful stuff then that is a conversation that needs to be had.
Very worst case if you really feel you don't want to go then send them and stay home?.....but are you sure you are not finding reasons not to go because its such a big step after covid? That's understandable too....but you need to have a think about what your reasons are......

I was in New York over Christmas. I've been a few times (DH is American), and it feels the same as always, definitely one of the safer cities in the USA, not dissimilar to London. Take the same precautions that you would in a UK city and you'll be fine. It's a truly spectacular city!

Don’t make an itinerary. Owing to the time difference you will all be wide awake before dawn. Go out for breakfast and plan each day then. Start with a big sight like the Empire State Building then look on the map to see what’s close.
Just walking around New York is an experience in itself, you don’t need much more.
Book the tests and the parking (or ask someone else to do it) then stop.

We had a ski trip planned recently, it was an absolute pain.

This form, that form, covid tests, ludicrous car hire fees, £100+ for airport parking, certain types of face masks, nobody helping with the admin and leaving it all to me etc etc etc. I wasn't looking forward to it at all, and only didn't cxl because we were going with other people.

I'd say it was about the best holiday we've ever been on, we had the most fantastic time. Go!!

Went a couple of years ago. It was not at all "crime ridden", in fact I felt very safe, we didn't see any kind of trouble or disturbances, the streets are very clean (no litter), the service in shops and restaurants polite and efficient. We went everywhere too, so didn't just stick to our local area. Rode the subway - it felt no different from the Underground. It's amazing just seeing the sights and taking in the views and atmosphere.

Op don't cancel it & please don't let your stress ruin the holiday for everyone.
My mum never addressed her anxiety & she totally ruined every trip we ever went on. Needlessly as nothing ever happened to any of us abroad.
We went on a last family holiday when myself & sibling were early 20s & despite my mother's stress we had a good time & looking back it was a last moment for all of is as my father became unwell not long after & life was never the same for any of us again (& my mother really did have something to stress about then)
Go & enjoy it

Ha, was also about to pile on saying pull yourself together!

Peri is fucking awful. I've never felt so overwhelmed and anxious at times. Like I'm in-fucking-capable of anything. I stood in the kitchen looking at a roast I had to cook feeling like it was all too much. I can bang one out easy peasy in an hour any other day.

It's quite normal to panic a bit before a holiday, I always did. Don't worry about crime in New York, you just don't go to crime ridden areas, same as if you visit London you go to 'nice' places. I have a friend who lives in New York with her son and she loves it; my son stays there when he goes (obviously not recently), and there is no fear.

Take a few deep breaths and do one thing at a time towards the holiday, then do and think of something else.

I'm sure you'll have a great time. I wish I had been to New York when I was younger, won't now, I just enjoy it second hand.

I understand exactly how you feel, I’m going to the Far East in 2 weeks to visit son and grandchildren who I obviously haven’t seen for over 2 years. The planning has been so stressful and I’ve shed tears over it but I’m determined to go
However, local adult son has covid again and I’m fearful that I’ll get it and fail the fit to fly test
Then I really will weep!
Go and enjoy it, I’ve got another son in NY and have been many times, that will be my next trip!

YABU based on your reasons.

1. NYC - just behave like any sensible tourist in a foreign city and you have no need to fear being a victim of crime. Reporting is sensationalist and doesn’t reflect reality for where you are likely to be hanging out.

1. Ukraine situation is desperately sad but you are flying in the opposite direction. Get some perspective and avoid the news in the days coming up to the trip.

1. The dog will be fine. He’ll be warm, fed, cared for. And it’s for what, 3-5 days? Again, perspective. Do you let your DH and DC down to keep the dog company? (And I’m a big dog lover)

1. Organisation. It’s a bit late now to throw your toys out of the pram. Suck it up but make it clear that next trip is either all on your terms if you are doing the organising or someone else picks up the slack. Stop enabling your family to be lazy buggers with the “no point in asking them…” line.

NYC is fab. I’d never want to live there but a few days in the city is great. Don’t bring everyone else’s trip down if you’re not enjoying it.

What a shame something that should be positive and exciting is being dreaded

Firstly - 6 day holiday? Yes organisation required but to the level you convey in your OP? Nah! I’ve done it multiple times on the past. Requires a bit of effort and focus but not much!

And four adults going? I’m baffled that all so disinterested that not involved

And finally, I’m getting a whiff of martyrdom. What’s to stop you from asking for their assistance?