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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Newborn baby. Partner weed habit

209 replies

Saltnsugar · 02/03/2022 20:53

Firstly, it’s a fairly new relationship and we don’t live together but he’s staying with me while he’s in paternity leave. PL is being treated like a holiday though. He’s sleeping all night and smoking weed all day. I’ve known all along that he smokes it, but not to this extent. He’s said he has no intention of stopping.
I’m so over this now. I want my home back and to get my life back, get out of the house and see my friends and family without him worrying about having a smoke. He’s clearly quite reliant on it. He doesn’t cook or clean while I’m feeding or calming the baby.
Problem is, he’s such a nice man. Not a bad bone in his body, so I don’t want to hurt him.
This is his first baby yet when I suggested he did some research about baby’s needs etc, he didn’t want to. He said ‘I can just teach him’. Well I’ve gone off the idea of all this now.
How do I gently tell him that it’s not working?
How do i sort out him seeing the baby? As there’s not a chance in hell he’s seeing the baby without me!

OP posts:
merryhouse · 02/03/2022 21:02

No, he's not a nice man.

irrate · 02/03/2022 21:02

I am not having a go at you OP but he isn't a good man...he is dope head who has made no effort to help you look after a baby he made with you.

Can you get a family member over to support you and tell him he needs to go back to his own house. If he is smoking weed around the house/baby you know social services will get involved.

Please get this man out of your house and away from your baby he is a waste of space if he can't stop smoking weed and has made no attempt to give it up he has had 9 months to cut it out.

Best of luck OP

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 02/03/2022 21:05

Bless you op but what did you learn in your childhood about relationships that makes you value “nice” so highly.

You deserve so much more.

Woofwoofbarkbark · 02/03/2022 21:06

Nothing wrong with smoking weed if you can get the fuck on with the shit you've got to do.

And I'm sure he is probably a nice guy.

But he is being a useless dad and partner so you just have to ask him to leave.
You don't need to shout or scream or be all dramatic. Just let him know that you're done with this for now, you'd like him to stay somewhere else and you'll be in touch in a weeks time to sort of the details for him seeing his child.
If he's a nice guy then he will understand and leave.

Sometimes even nice people can be idiots!

Suprima · 02/03/2022 21:07

Probably wouldn’t have chosen a stoner for my baby’s dad

I can’t really give you any advice because you can’t change him- he’s a fucking loser and isn’t a nice man, so leave him now.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/03/2022 21:08

Why do you need to be gentle?
No-one should be smoking weed anywhere near a baby.
Sort your priorities out.

TabithaTittlemouse · 02/03/2022 21:09

I think tell him exactly how you feel. It might wake him up, it might not but not saying anything will make him think it’s okay to be a bum.

Original poster
Saltnsugar · 02/03/2022 21:12

He doesn’t smoke in the house.
I’m struggling to grow some balls here

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltnsugar · 02/03/2022 21:13

I am tempted to contact SS myself

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 02/03/2022 21:14

Who’s more important to you? A casual partner or your baby?

Is this real?

Woofwoofbarkbark · 02/03/2022 21:14

That's OK, it's hard to be honest when you know it will hurt the other person. But he does need to realise that being a dad means working, cleaning, Tidying and spending time with your child.

worriedmummyofboys · 02/03/2022 21:14

F

Maireas · 02/03/2022 21:15

He's smoking weed "all day" but not in the house? What, he's outside in the wind and rain?
He's not a nice man.
He's not a good father if he's not helping, and he's certainly not a good partner to you.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/03/2022 21:18

Why haven't you kicked him out? How can your boundaries be so appalling and your standards so low? Get rid of this waster.

Elsiebear90 · 02/03/2022 21:18

Why did you decide to have a baby with a lazy pot head who you don’t live with? He’s not going to change, you’re better off without him.

Maireas · 02/03/2022 21:19

@Saltnsugar

I am tempted to contact SS myself
You said he's not smoking weed in the house? What else is he up to?
Original poster
Saltnsugar · 02/03/2022 21:19

he doesn’t know HOW to help. I’m breastfeeding so baby obviously knows me and my smell so settles for me.

OP posts:
Maireas · 02/03/2022 21:22

What do you mean he doesn't know how to help? He could put a wash on, cook a meal, clean the bathroom?
No-one is that incapable, surely?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 02/03/2022 21:22

Oh my god kick this loser waster out @Saltnsugar.

He is not a 'nice man' he is the absolute bare minimum you needed to create a child with.

TracyMosby · 02/03/2022 21:23

Problem is, he’s such a nice man. Not a bad bone in his body
He isn't a nice man at all. And he doesn't give a shit about helping you, so plenty of bad bones in his body.
Mrhe fact you have described him in way makes me think you have had very poor relationships in the past, and he is good in comparison to those.

Stop thinking a father who has no interest in learning how to be a father is a good man.

Original poster
Saltnsugar · 02/03/2022 21:23

This pregnancy wasn’t planned, would you believe!

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 02/03/2022 21:24

Ltb.
Ltb.
Ltb.

Shoxfordian · 02/03/2022 21:24

Is he on the birth certificate?

He’s not a nice man; he sounds like a loser
Raise your bar about 10ft higher next time

TracyMosby · 02/03/2022 21:24

@Saltnsugar

he doesn’t know HOW to help. I’m breastfeeding so baby obviously knows me and my smell so settles for me.
How does he not know how to help? Surely an adult knows how to cook, clean, do the washing,
anotherheadache · 02/03/2022 21:25

Ffs please tell me this is a wind up.

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