Newborn baby. Partner weed habit

[Saltnsugar]

Firstly, it’s a fairly new relationship and we don’t live together but he’s staying with me while he’s in paternity leave. PL is being treated like a holiday though. He’s sleeping all night and smoking weed all day. I’ve known all along that he smokes it, but not to this extent. He’s said he has no intention of stopping.
I’m so over this now. I want my home back and to get my life back, get out of the house and see my friends and family without him worrying about having a smoke. He’s clearly quite reliant on it. He doesn’t cook or clean while I’m feeding or calming the baby.
Problem is, he’s such a nice man. Not a bad bone in his body, so I don’t want to hurt him.
This is his first baby yet when I suggested he did some research about baby’s needs etc, he didn’t want to. He said ‘I can just teach him’. Well I’ve gone off the idea of all this now.
How do I gently tell him that it’s not working?
How do i sort out him seeing the baby? As there’s not a chance in hell he’s seeing the baby without me!

[quote Merryoldgoat]@Lampface

No one can be useful on this thread.

And I’m not apologising. I’m sick of the threads on here with stupid women having children without thinking with men who aren’t up to the job.

It’s fucking depressing and entirely unfair on the children who get lumbered with a useless idiot for a father.[/quote]
She literally posted a thread asking for support on how to get him to leave - there are many things you could have said that would have been more helpful than belittling her and making her feel stupid. She's already said that it was not an intentional pregnancy, and she doesn't want to be with him. I'm not sure what more you want?

According to you on your high horse, your life worked out exactly as planned, but not everyone has that. Sometimes shit happens and she's owning it and looking for support on dealing with it. She's not looking to be slated. So yes you should apologise and probably leave the thread. HTH.

Honestly I don't get what people on this site get from being horrible to people in difficult situations. How on earth does that strike you as the right thing to do? Or have you never made a mistake, ever?

Mate - I was the child.

My childhood was spent in poverty with a mother in an emotionally abusive relationship with my step father, half siblings who were favoured over me and a mother who dropped dead when I was a teen leaving absolute chaos, the ramifications of which are still felt nearly 30 years later.

@Merryoldgoat

Mate - I was the child.

My childhood was spent in poverty with a mother in an emotionally abusive relationship with my step father, half siblings who were favoured over me and a mother who dropped dead when I was a teen leaving absolute chaos, the ramifications of which are still felt nearly 30 years later.

I was also the child but I don't feel the need to project my own experiences onto a woman with a newborn asking for advice on getting her partner to leave .

He’s not her partner and doesn’t live with her!

What the fuck does she need to do beyond telling him not to come back?!

You do know that smoking and smoking weed will put the odds of your baby dying of SIDS right up?
FFS get him out of your life.

@Lampface

Wtf is wrong with people? A vulnerable new mum posts asking how to get rid of a man and people call her a troll, stupid, she's stuck with him forever?? You all need a kick up the arse. It costs nothing to be kind. How is calling a new mum stupid in any way useful to her actual question?

This!! Everyone trying to shame OP should really only be ashamed of themselves. She will not automatically lose her child because her partner smokes weed, what absolute bs.

OP, you just need to calmly tell him to leave because you need your space back, then once he's home tell him you want to end things and you'll be in touch re visits to see his child. Xx

Read this today.

www.nottinghampost.com/news/local-news/18-day-old-baby-died-6741422

I love reading threads like this as an infertile woman. Jesus fucking christ.

Hiya OP, don't put him on the birth certificate. That doesn't mean that you don't acknowledge him as the father, but at least you will have control of the situation.

My dd didn't put her weed-smoking ex on the birth cert of dgd and, though for a while he was quite a nice father, he ended up being violent and she was able to keep him away from dgd.

A nice man doesn’t sit on his arse smoking weed watching his partner attending to all of their child’s needs and doing all of the housework ffs. He is a lazy prick who has no respect for you or his child. Just tell him to fuck off now before he gets too comfortable.

@Saltnsugar

he doesn’t know HOW to help. I’m breastfeeding so baby obviously knows me and my smell so settles for me.

A few weeks ago neither of us knew how to make a bottle, settle a baby, use a cloth nappy, set up a pushchair. We haven’t just sat helplessly on the sofa for the last few weeks, as adults you teach yourself the skills you need.

Honestly why did you go through with a pregnancy with this man? I feel sorry for the baby bought in to this shit show. whilst this may not have been all your doing you did have the power (and responsibility) to do something about it

When my son was born, I had people telling me that I should do everything around my baby as a natural mother. I told them I'm not a natural mother and considering the fact I do not know anything about babies, I'm in the same position as my husband.

Your partner can't breastfeed, but there are million other things he can do, hold baby to burp, change the diaper, dress baby, wash baby, go to see a doctor with a baby... Not to mention the fact that he should be doing all around the house, cooking and cleaning, while you're recovering from childbirth.

If he doesn't do these things he is a crap father and not a good human being.
OP, you deserve better, your baby deserves better.
And, please, don't let him move in. You deserve so much more.

People are so harsh. Chastising someone for having a baby with a waster is not helpful or kind.
OP good luck with your next steps, sounds like - once you get him out of the house - you will be heading in the right direction and can concentrate on looking after yourself and your loveIy baby. (I was a single parent for several years and definitely found it easier than being in a relationship with a suboptimal man. My daughter is grown up now and I'm hugely proud of the woman she has become despite having a poor role model for a father. So don't look back, just forward!)

Well, you've seen he isnt a good man at all now. He is a selfish man. Why are you sleeping downstairs IN YOUR HOUSE!

you have weed smoke in the house with a new born? I would have kicked him out ages ago.

@Saltnsugar when does his paternity leave finish?
Can you say your mum is coming to stay to help or do you feel comfortable to say you need space ? How do you think he will react?

I hope he goes soon, it's difficult living with someone you want to leave especially in your situation. I hope friends and family are supporting you.

But he is living with you! And he’s not nice! Why the F are you sleeping downstairs… I assume in a sofa whilst he gets the bed? Wtf! Kick him out. He’s a loser.

OK just tell him thanks for his help it's been great. You've got the hang of it now, so he can go home because you need your own bed. And you can't have him smoking near the baby. He probably won't hesitate to go because he sounds like an absolute treasure of a man.

You will be so much better off without him there. Longer term is this the man you want your baby to call Dad? What if an positive influence will he have on your child?

My god he's sleeping in your house rent free and you are cooking and looking after all of you. He's an absolute joke.

You knew what he was like but still had a baby with him

Jesus Christ. Your poor baby.

Just tell him to leave OP, plain and simple.

Don’t worry about custody arrangements, he doesn’t seem to be interested in your baby anyway. If he grows a pair down the line you can go through court.

How old are you OP? Have you got any family/friends to help you?

Well done for coming here for advice as you clearly know the way the father is being is not right.

It is not good for the baby to be around weed/smoke - you know this. He's not being a good father or partner - you know this. Hopefully now you've written it down and read the responses this will give you the shove to get him to leave.

It's great this is your house - you can simply tell him (not ask him), tell him to leave. If he refuses then you call the police and get him removed. Hopefully if he is so disinterested he'll leave straight away.

Have you got support elsewhere who could be there when you tell him to leave?

Worry about visitation later. Just tell him to leave, doesn't have to be a big drama, just say you want your house back.

Oh this must be so hard.
How long has he got left on paternity leave?

I w