To think that having a short break away from motherhood doesn’t make you a bad parent?

[PaddlingLikeADuck]

Imagine you’ve got two children aged 8 and 5.

They are amazing children but they come with the usual trials and tribulations of having children that age.

They are very mother focused - imagine they follow you everywhere, every time they want something it’s you they come to (even if their dad is sitting right next to them) and you do the majority of typical parenting tasks, school runs, homework, playing with them, bath times, sorting out play dates etc, simply because you are home more than their dad is due to your working hours.

If you were given the opportunity for someone else to take them on holiday for a week which meant you got 7 days of being home alone, in a peaceful and clean house, with the freedom to do what you wanted and when you wanted, would you take up on the offer?

It doesn’t make you a bad parent does it to just want some child-free time?

Of course it doesn't.

One of the very few perks of being a single parent with an ex who participates is getting some time to exist as a person without a child in tow. Personally I think a bit of time to yourself every so often makes you a better parent generally.

I would absolutely do this, don't even understand why you're questioning yourself. It's not as though you're sending them on holiday with Jimmy Saville, presumably it's grandparents?

Sounds ideal gives them an exciting adventure too

Would I take the offer up?

Too bloody right I would, enjoy and relax!

Who is suggesting that you are a bad parent?

Provided the children were happy to go then i would enjoy the week off!

Who is saying you’re a bad parent? DH?

I don't think we have anyone who would take the kids away for a week but if we did I'd jump at the chance!

Why are you asking, is it mum guilt or has someone actually told you this makes you a bad parent?

I regularly take time out for myself, and try and have a slot of “me” time each weekend. DH gets the same. I usually use the time to exercise.

The way I see it, it’s in DC’s best interests to have a mentally & physically healthy mum.

I also want to set a good example to DD, so she knows if she has kids herself in the future she doesn’t have to loose her identity & become a slave to them.

Like anything it’s all about balance. I wouldn’t personally leave my DD for a week yet (she’s younger than your kids) but having my regular small slots of time to myself keeps me sane & makes me be a better mum

Sounds bliss, and of course not.Has someone said this makes you a bad parent, where is this question coming from?

I've never heard anyone say that

It would make you a better parent to take that time off and ensure you allocate time off mothering them regularly. An exhausted parent can easily become a bad parent.

Healthy families ensure that everyone has the right to be at the front of the queue from time to time.

It’s quite a common thing I think. I know loads people who’ve done this or gone away and left kids with people at home.
I took my first weekend break 3 months ago but DCs are older teens. Wish I could have done it earlier.
Your kids will have a great time

I would absolutely do this. Not a bad parent at all - everyone needs some time to themselves and the children are old enough to be in someone else's company for a week. It will be good for them.

I thought from the thread title it was going to be about moving out for six months or something!

Depends who’s taking the DC on holiday and where. If it’s the DCs’ father - great. If a close family member or friend you trust and DC are well used to spending a lot of time with - great.

At those ages, we didn’t have anyone in the latter category, and our youngest would probably have found a week too much to be away.

YABU - assuming you’re still in a relationship with the DCs’ father - for getting into the situation where you do the vast majority of the parenting and are the ‘default parent’ even when he’s there! That can be changed.

If they are used to spending all that time with you, would they be ok with being away from you for a whole 7 days tho? Would you?

I have children the same age as you, very similar set up to yours. I work but due to my shift pattern I’m only not ‘available’ one full day a week. I regularly go away with my husband/friends. I only go for 1/2 nights, 3 at a maximum. My children become upset and miss me despite them either being away or having lots of fun with my lovely mum.

Definitely doesn’t make you a bad parent, but for me and my children a week would be too much, regardless of what fun they were having.

I don't know anyone capable of managing my children for a week other than my husband. My ex can't cope for a week. If you're sure whoever it is could really cope. But I'd actually be very suspicious of anyone making the offer. Sorry. Very untrusting person here.

That does not make you a bad parent in the least! Child free time is an opportunity to recharge and be better parents when the kids are around. I'm guilty of not really taking child free time and then feeling very burnt out or I miss them when I do have child free time though. Can't win! I think if you have the opportunity to have some child free time and you know they will be safe, well taken care of and enjoy their holiday with whoever else is taking them then it would be good to take them up on that offer.

Looking after yourself when you get the opportunity makes you a good parent. I'm jealous.

Honestly why on Earth would you not? I can’t really understand why you wouldn’t. If you think they’d be happy then of course send them. Genuinely, why is it a question? Why would you feel like a bad parent?

There is no reason on this earth why you shouldn't go if there is someone available to care for the kids and you can afford it.

Ps but be prepared for them to want to come home early….

It’s my husband they go away with.
He takes them away about 2-3 times a year without me and this has been a tradition of our family for the last 5-6 years. He’s a teacher so gets all the half terms off, whereas obviously I don’t, so outside of our family holidays he will take them away on his own. Sometimes for one week and sometimes for two.

I miss the children terribly when they’re gone but I have never thought that them being away without me, and me enjoying some time to myself, made me a bad mother.

Over the years I’ve always had some catty comments from some women I work with who enjoy telling me how they could “never ever be away from their children,” but yesterday in particular one of my colleagues made me feel really shit about myself. It was awful.

She was making really unpleasant comments towards me about the fact I “want” time away from my children and how it’s not right and she can’t believe that I am happy for my children to be apart from me for so long. She wouldn’t let it drop and she was doing it front of others people too and it’s left me feeling so upset.

I was trying to act like her comments didn’t bother me and laugh them off, but inside I wanted to cry.

I wouldn't think twice. Lovely opportunity for the DC.

When I was young I used to spend a lot of holidays with my DGPs, and other family friends ... I loved it.

My own DS has spent time with relatives but also it's no different to going off to Scout Camp, PGL holidays etc is it? My DS loved all those and I was a SAHM but still appreciated a 'break' from parenting. We used to frequently take our neices and nephews away for holidays - we enjoyed their company and it gave their parents (my siblings) a break - I never thought they were being neglectful parents by allowing their DC to join us .

What is making you hesitate?

They’re with their father!

Your colleagues have been rude.

But they didn’t ‘make you’ feel a certain way: you can choose how to respond, to them and in your own mind.

Suggest stopping discussing your DC / time without DC with those colleagues.