Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having a short break away from motherhood doesn’t make you a bad parent?

195 replies

PaddlingLikeADuck · 27/02/2022 07:44

Imagine you’ve got two children aged 8 and 5.

They are amazing children but they come with the usual trials and tribulations of having children that age.

They are very mother focused - imagine they follow you everywhere, every time they want something it’s you they come to (even if their dad is sitting right next to them) and you do the majority of typical parenting tasks, school runs, homework, playing with them, bath times, sorting out play dates etc, simply because you are home more than their dad is due to your working hours.

If you were given the opportunity for someone else to take them on holiday for a week which meant you got 7 days of being home alone, in a peaceful and clean house, with the freedom to do what you wanted and when you wanted, would you take up on the offer?

It doesn’t make you a bad parent does it to just want some child-free time?

OP posts:
HairyScaryMonster · 27/02/2022 09:13

My in laws took my 8yo to the seaside with her cousin last summer. I still had the 4yo but I'd be a pretty mean person to say no, you must go to holiday club not the seaside because I want to feed you dinner and put you to bed.

youdoyoutoday · 27/02/2022 09:16

Jesus christ, I'm ordering the takeaway and opening the bottle of wine already!!

Absolutely nothing wrong with it!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/02/2022 09:17

Your colleagues sound like they are from the 1950's, what sexist twats.

Your husband sounds great and it's fantastic that the kids enjoy their trips with him. As long as the three of them are having a great time and you are not miserable left at home to work then what's the problem. It's certainly doesn't make you less of a mother, more of one in my humble opinion. They will be more independent happy humans as they grow up with lots of travel and fun experiences.

I would call them out on it.
Head tilt - "let me get this straight as you are heavily insinuating that I am a bad mother because my husband, their parent takes my primary school aged children on holiday without me from time to time?" "And that I enjoy the peace and quiet?"
"Have I understood you correctly?"

PotteringAlong · 27/02/2022 09:19

As long as you’re all happy then it’s grand.

The only thing I would say is that, as a teacher with 3 kids, doing the holiday childcare can be exhausting. And you love your weeks by yourself, to just be an adult and not be a parent and, I’m not going to lie, I would have adored half term to myself.

But when does your husband get his 2 weeks to just be an adult and not be a dad?

The answer is never, because it’s logistically not possible and that’s what being an adult is all about. And let’s not kid ourselves that that holidays are the best perk of teaching, especially when you have school aged children.

So, ignore the people being mean about it, but make sure your husband is on board with it as much as you are because his deal is different to yours.

MrsMo21 · 27/02/2022 09:19

I’ve got an 8 month old and another one on the way…I’m already planning a girls trip next year and my husband can have them for three days or so.
I’m not sorry, he’s an amazing Dad, is more than capable of keeping them safe/loved/fed and this Mama deserves a break!

Hate people who think that you’re a bad mother if you’re not surgically attached to your children. Utterly ridiculous.

Jvg33 · 27/02/2022 09:20

I would send my two on this holiday in a heartbeat. We all deserve a break

youdoyoutoday · 27/02/2022 09:21

Your work colleague is just being a bitch because she has shit husband who probably never changed a nappy in his life!

Your husband sounds like a great father and your kids are obviously having a great time with him and its wonderful for them to have quality time together.

Rosebuud · 27/02/2022 09:22

Honestly op? No she’s not forgotten. I suspect she just doesn’t like you and was looking for away to have a go at you. She’s a bully. It is nothing to do with your kids going on holiday for a few days with their dad. She just doesn’t like you.

Georgeskitchen · 27/02/2022 09:23

I remember a few friends from years back whose grandparents used to take them to butlins or wherever for for a week in the hols. Cant remember anyone thinking it wasn't acceptable.
You children are having a week away with their dad, what's not to like? Some folk are so judgemental these days!!

Krakenchorus · 27/02/2022 09:26

Ask your co-workers to think about how the blatant misogyny of their reactions. Would they even blink if you were taking the dc away while Dad worked? They are trying to paper over their martyrdom as mothers by playing up some magical bond with the dc that means they can never be apart even for a night. It's bullocks. And unhealthy.

You are blessed with well-balanced parenting in your relationship. Be smug as fuck about it!

Cabbagepie · 27/02/2022 09:27

I only value the opinions of people I value and respect. This arrangement works well for you family - quality time for the kids with their dad, what's not to like? Don't give her ridiculous comments any more head space - maybe she is jealous that she doesn't get the opportunity.

Fallingonice · 27/02/2022 09:28

@SNUG2022 I know - I’m a teacher, but I honestly don’t know any other teachers who do this. But it’s not any of mine or anyone else’s business. Just surprised it’s a thing.

11stonesomething · 27/02/2022 09:30

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Mumoblue · 27/02/2022 09:34

My two year old has never been away from me for a night. I think the longest he’s been away from me is the visitation that he has with his dad. Which is five hours.

I love my son more than anything else in the world. But oh my god could I go for a day off. I think a week would be too much at his age, but I’d love a day or two to myself.

Mums are people too, and I don’t think it’s harmful to acknowledge that sometimes we want a little “me” time. I think that’s more healthy than pushing down your needs and acting like you don’t have any.

ISmellBurnings · 27/02/2022 09:36

She’s a dick.

Ask her why she’s so keen on making you feel bad about your choices.

newbiename · 27/02/2022 09:39

You're not a bad mother. Ask them , what about women who have to work away ?
Tell them to shut up.

Branleuse · 27/02/2022 09:40

Not at all. Not even a little bit. I bloody love childfree time, although i think for me the sweetspot is about 3 or 4 days. That refreshes me and then after that i start missing them.
Not missing them enough to ruin a childfree holiday of course

DillyDilly · 27/02/2022 09:42

What that woman really meant was that she was envious of you and would actually love a short break from her children and enjoy some time to herself.

Next time just roll your eyes and say something like .. different strokes … you do you …. [

Though I hope you get to go on holiday with your children and DH at some stage during the year ? It wouldn’t be nice if you missed out On holidays altogether.

BulletTrain · 27/02/2022 09:44

Not at all! DH works from home so has already said he may take DS to his mum and dad's for half terms (he starts school next year) so he can work from there with some childcare help.

Original poster
PaddlingLikeADuck · 27/02/2022 09:46

Though I hope you get to go on holiday with your children and DH at some stage during the year ? It wouldn’t be nice if you missed out On holidays altogether.

We have two main family holidays a year, so yes, I don’t miss out on them.

OP posts:
Whatwillbewilbe · 27/02/2022 09:55

They’re idiots. What does she think parents who are not together do? They wouldn’t have a choice but to let them be with someone else. It sounds to me that your children have wonderful lives, lucky children - they have the best of both worlds, you all together on holiday, then with their dad alone and lots of time with just mum. You’re doing great.

Poppins2016 · 27/02/2022 10:08

@PaddlingLikeADuck

But if your partner and kids like it then I wouldn’t worry at all.

They all absolutely love it - they love their boys holidays. I get so many photos and videos of them enjoying themselves and that is what justifies how much I miss them. I would never stop them going for my own needs.

Plus, my husband loves being able to have that quality time with them that his job otherwise doesn’t allow as much as he’d like.

This sounds fantastic and mutually beneficial for everyone.

When it comes to parenting, I think the best approach is the one that works for you. It doesn't matter what other people think.

Caterina99 · 27/02/2022 10:25

We lived abroad when the kids were really small and I was a sahm and so would take the kids once a year or so to visit family for a month at a time. Mostly DH would join us for a week or 2, sometimes he didn’t come at all

I highly doubt any of his colleagues were suggesting DH was a bad parent because his wife took the kids away for a few weeks at a time and he stayed at home and worked.

Fallingonice · 27/02/2022 11:17

Going to stay with family who live abroad is a bit different, though. This is a thrice-yearly family holiday that one member of the family doesn’t partake in, and that is unusual so I’m not surprised it was remarked on.

OneMillionSteps · 27/02/2022 11:32

Your family holiday arrangements sound fantastic to me.
No one would bat an eyelid if a mother took the kids away during school holidays while the father stayed home because of work.
Those sanctimonious women are just trying to make you feel bad for having something they don’t/didn’t have.

Swipe left for the next trending thread