To think that having a short break away from motherhood doesn’t make you a bad parent?

[PaddlingLikeADuck]

Imagine you’ve got two children aged 8 and 5.

They are amazing children but they come with the usual trials and tribulations of having children that age.

They are very mother focused - imagine they follow you everywhere, every time they want something it’s you they come to (even if their dad is sitting right next to them) and you do the majority of typical parenting tasks, school runs, homework, playing with them, bath times, sorting out play dates etc, simply because you are home more than their dad is due to your working hours.

If you were given the opportunity for someone else to take them on holiday for a week which meant you got 7 days of being home alone, in a peaceful and clean house, with the freedom to do what you wanted and when you wanted, would you take up on the offer?

It doesn’t make you a bad parent does it to just want some child-free time?

Would love to hear from the 5% who have voted YABU!

Obviously that was supposed to say colleague

@SuperSleepyBaby

Provided the children were happy to go then i would enjoy the week off!

This.

Once the children were happy with the idea, absolutely.

@Fallingonice
What don’t you get about it sorry? Your posts are unclear. Are you a mummy martyr?

I think it’s sounds a fab set-up OP 😊

I think it's a wonderful chance for the kids to bond more with their dad as they don't have you there to turn to. I think this is absolutely to the benefit of your kids and can't imagine why anyone would think this wasn't wonderful. Oh yes I can - people who are jealous.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@Fallingonice
What don’t you get about it sorry? Your posts are unclear. Are you a mummy martyr?

I think it’s sounds a fab set-up OP 😊[/quote]
are you a mummy martyr

You see, this is where it all gets a bit silly.

Thinking that your partner and children having two to three holidays without you every year is perhaps a bit much is not being a ‘mummy martyr’.

I have been in the position of being on the other side of this, where my husband was expecting me to get up every weekend (and yes, there is a difference between lying in bed listening to children and not being in bed listening to children!) take them out - we didn’t have the money for five holidays a year, especially in school holidays, but if we had I’m sure he’d have had no problem with me taking them. But it does mean so much falls onto you.

I am not doubting the OP does a lot but it doesn’t sound equal to me.

However as I have repeatedly said - all that matters is that all those concerned with it are happy. It’s not the sort of thing I’d express an opinion on usually, but the OP did ask - although I’m not totally sure why!

@Fallingonice have you not read OP’s posts? She doesn’t get loads more time to herself compared to her partner. That’s what I mean when is say I don’t get where you’re coming from?

That’s where I think we disagree.

OP it all sounds great - ignore your colleagues and the posters here too. Jealously isn’t a good look Falling

Wow wasn't expecting the responses I've read! I take my DC away as my DH is self employed and also take them out for days at the weekend. I also have more time with them in the week. No one has ever said to my DH 'you poor thing when do you see your DC?'. Seems pretty common in my group of friends for the mums to go away alone (we have also been away as a group of mums!). Op I think it's fab dad has the confidence to take them away and the children enjoy it. I love having time to myself. Children are draining and a week on my own would be lovely (albeit id miss them!!). Your colleague had no right to make you feel that way!

Your colleague is an idiot. She is probably jealous. Don’t blame her really, your tradition sounds amazing as does your DH. Lucky you and your lucky kids.

Im a teacher and have two similar aged children...one year my easter holidays were different..yew i had to sort a week of childcare but i had one glorious week i was off when they were at school... best week of my life

@OneMillionSteps

I think Falling is cross with her own DH (from other posts) and taking her annoyance out on you OP.

Exactly this! Which is exactly what I said earlier - this poster is projecting her anger about her own relationship onto you. She's said herself that she feels she does all the parenting and her DH doesn't do enough. She works full-time.

Hearing about a setup where the DW works part-time, both parents get lots of quality time with the kids AS WELL AS plenty of downtime too, clearly brings to the surface jealousy and pain due to her own situation. OP, you don't have to take this on.

Wow wasn't expecting the responses I've read! I take my DC away as my DH is self employed and also take them out for days at the weekend. I also have more time with them in the week. No one has ever said to my DH 'you poor thing when do you see your DC?'. Seems pretty common in my group of friends for the mums to go away alone (we have also been away as a group of mums!).

Don’t forget that it’s okay for a woman to do more than 50% of the childcare and take her children out on her own, it’s only a problem when a man does it apparently….

Thank you everyone for your support, it means a lot and it genuinely has made me feel a lot better

My DD spends a week at a time with my family on the few occasions I get a break, they live over 300 miles away so makes sense. I've never felt like a bad mother but definitely appreciate/need the break.

I find that anyone who judges you for having a break like this are people who regularly get childcare help from parents etc during the week. They regularly get a break/help during the week while others (myself included) do childcare 100% of the time for months with no rest.

I have been in the position of being on the other side of this, where my husband was expecting me to get up every weekend

How very unsurprising that it transpires the issue is with your own husband.

My husband finds it infuriating when I get grief for being a bad mother whilst he gets pats on the back (from families he meets on the holiday) for being such a great father. He sees that him taking the kids away is just part of being their dad and he doesn’t think that he’s doing anything ‘special’ at all, certainly not something that deserves awe from others.

He said that when he last went away he was asked if his wife had died seeing as he was there on his own. I can quite confidently say that on the times I’ve taken the children away on my own I’ve never once been asked if my husband has died.

As posters have said, it’s just misogynistic and sexist attitudes towards the role of men and women when it comes to parenthood.

The only thing I am bothered about by their trips away are the gorgeous tans they have throughout the year

My in-laws live abroad and DH takes the children there for a few weeks every summer. I go too but always ensure I go one week later. I have a whole week to myself each summer and sometimes at one of the half terms too. I absolutely love it. I need it. We're all different - I have a friend who's inconsolable if she has only one night away from her children. I however benefit greatly from a little time to myself. It's fantastic that you have this opportunity OP.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with it, they are with their df. A lot of this comes from mothers with partners who wouldn’t dream of doing their fair share of parenting. It’s expected that their lives stop and start with their kids so why should anyone else live their lives differently. It’s working for your family so ignore the negativity, you are doing nothing wrong.