Page 9 | Holiday dilemma.

figuringoutmylife · 27/02/2022 15:26

You are not being unreasonable at all! I can't believe she also expects you to pay 2/3 of a people carrier you don't need!!

I'd just say the cost can't be justified and makes a weekend away extremely high cost, then tell her about picking her up/dropping her off at the station. You are a good friend!

JustLyra · 27/02/2022 15:30

Even if she was thrown by the need to get the train the fact she suggested the hire car cost be split between the three adults shows she’s a CF’er.

Especially when she’s not paying toward the accommodation.

Even suggesting half is cheeky when the OP has a car, but suggesting the OP and her DH pay two thirds says it all.

Howshouldibehave · 27/02/2022 15:35

I don't know the ins and outs of all my friends' vehicles and how many people fit in them-do you, really?

Yes, I do. They all have cars that fit 5 people in.

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/02/2022 15:59

Non-drivers usually get a terrible rap on MN. We’re always dismissed as ‘CFs’ who expect to be ‘ferried about’ by someone else (it’s ALWAYS ‘ferried about’ - never just given a lift). So I’m surprised at the amount of support for the OP’s friend, given that she thinks it’s reasonable to suggest that OP and her husband - who are already providing free accommodation for two people - should actually pay £200 towards a hire car for the privilege of driving them too! It’s insanity.

However, the comments about trains do give me some insight into why people say they feel obliged to offer lifts to non-drivers. Some posters here seem to be equating a 65-minute train journey with a single change with Chinese water torture. It’s a very, very manageable journey! I used to get the train plus two tubes to work every day, and it took longer than this journey will take. Every day - with eight hours of work before the return journey rather than three days of relaxation at someone else’s expense.

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/02/2022 16:02

@BarbaraofSeville

Caravan parks often have swimming pools, play parks, amusements, entertainment, could be close to a beach or a lake I'm walking distance so plenty to do for a weekend break, plus it's a change of scene.

Exactly. Some people seem to have assumed that a caravan automatically means a field in the middle of nowhere. (Probably the same people who assumed the caravan would be too small despite the OP saying otherwise - and this being totally irrelevant to the initial question anyway.)

Kumbaya12 · 27/02/2022 16:02

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

So if someone invited you on holiday - they've to foot the whole bill? Wow! Grabby much?!

That's not actually what I said though, is it @DingDongtheWitchisDrunk?

I've said (twice) that I just think it's a bit weird to invite someone on holiday when you can't travel together, especially when that means OP can go straight there by car while her friend faffs around getting taxis and trains and waiting around for lifts.

It's just an odd way to do things IMO.

Personally, If I was going somewhere and wanted to invite a friend for the weekend, I would make sure I could fit them in my car first - not expect them to make their own way there at their own expense.

I'd have agreed with you if it was a jointly planned trip. But it's not odd to expect a 'tag-along' to make their own arrangements. If it's too onerous they can reject the offer. No biggie.

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/02/2022 16:08

@Howshouldibehave

I have booked a weekend on a caravan park with my DH and our 2 children. I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us. I drive she doesn't.

See, I read posts like this and think why?! Why would you ask someone who didn’t drive to share a small caravan for a holiday. Maybe I’m a bitch though!

When I go away on holidays or weekends with friends-we talk about it and plan them loads before even thinking about dates or booking. I wouldn’t book a weekend away with my family, then decide to invite someone and THEN think of the details.

Most of the problems with CF could be sorted with good communication!

I certainly wouldn’t be hiring a 7 seater car when you already have one! I presume you’ve said no-has she replied?

But the OP didn’t plan a holiday with her friend. She planned a holiday with her family and, very kindly in my eyes, asked if her friend would like to join, for free. Friend could have said ‘Oh, thanks so much, but with travel etc. I don’t think it would really work’ or similar. But she didn’t, did she? She said ‘Thanks for the free holiday - now can you shell out an extra 200 quid for my convenience?’

Kumbaya12 · 27/02/2022 16:14

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

She knows she cant drive and that your car would be full when she accepted.

I think that SOME non-drivers see cars as like a magic button or app that you get in and it sorts everything in 1 minute. Just because they're generally much more convenient and often quicker than public transport, that doesn't mean that they're cheap or take virtually no time at all.

These people also often see it like a small private bus, and thus figure that it 'comes with' the driver who's been arranged and paid for separately - essentially just an enabler for the transport to work for them, who would be there anyway.

It's a bit like electricians or builders who spend hours every day in (paying) customers' homes - and then they have 'friends' expecting them to 'just' rewire their house for them or 'just' build them a conservatory - all for free. They see it that you're just sharing your skill as a bit of a favour, without paying a moment's thought to the value of your own time, energies and schedules, much less the costs that will be incurred for materials and supplies that they also assume must be 'free' if you have the skill to use them.

TBF you only really realize the costs of a car when you own one. As well as the effort driving takes! Although.. I always compensated drivers, even if we were going the same way. I saved money not having to take public transport, didn't feel right keeping all of it.

As a driver now I'll hold passengers to the same standard. I'm not Uber

Kite22 · 27/02/2022 17:23

I've said (twice) that I just think it's a bit weird to invite someone on holiday when you can't travel together, especially when that means OP can go straight there by car while her friend faffs around getting taxis and trains and waiting around for lifts.

I disagree. Over my lifetime I have been lucky enough to be able to have free accommodation in various places if I can get myself there
Nor is it necessarily a 'faff'. If you don't drive, then that is how you normally get places. I am not sure why some posters are so horrified at the idea of using trains. I do drive but sometimes choose to take the train places.

But in this case OP wasn't clear

We don't know that. Plus, it ought to have been inferred by the friend, or, even if she hoped otherwise, she could have simply said something like "Ooh, that's kind, I'll check out the train times and let you know if I can get there" to which (if it were a possibility of a lift then the offerer would say "Oh, you'll be able to come with us, we'll take 2 cars" or whatever. But the default assumption would be the accommodation is on offer if you can get there, for me.

It’s one weekend. Not all families going camping / caravanning go on ‘trips and excursions’ - for some being onsite is the main event.

Jeepers that sounds boring!!

Wow @hopeishere , how is it "boring" to spend time at the seaside ? The beach is entertainment for hours, day after day in nice weather. Then may sites have a pool on site, sometimes trampolines or tennis courts or crazy golf. Some have a club house. Some seasides have all sorts of entertainment on the front, others have lovely coastal walks.
How very bizarre that you couldn't entertain yourselves as a family for 72 hours

She doesn't want to travel at that time of night, its leaving at 3pm in May.
Wow. Just wow.
this says everything about the friend.
I really hope, OP you have just said, "Oh well, it was just an invitation, if you don't want to we can just leave it. It will give us more room in the van anyway."

Iamkmackered1979 · 27/02/2022 18:01

Travelling for a little over an hour with a bag or 2 and one child is a shitfest? I think perhaps you should’ve included you couldn’t take her when you asked but explained the train issue.
Tell her you’d have no money for food whilst away so you can’t afford the 7 seater.

I’ve done train with 4 kids a buggy and luggage. It’ was fine, kids enjoyed it, it was an adventure. Longer than an hour too. If your friend doesn’t like it she can book her own holiday. I think op has been kind inviting her friend. Also not sure how 3pm on a Friday is late especially in may, seems like you’d have been better just going yourselves op

hopeishere · 27/02/2022 18:09

@Kite22

Does it say it's the seaside? Anyway, different strokes for different folks. A holiday on a caravan park isn't appealing to me personally.

Gowithme · 27/02/2022 18:18

Can you fit all the kids in and then she just has to get the train by herself? Or take the kids and she can have a child free weekend?

This is nothing like the other situation where the OP invited her friend on a birthday treat away abroad (if that's the one you mean). In this case you just had spare room and thought they might like to use it.

hellithurt · 27/02/2022 18:31

[quote hopeishere]@Kite22

Does it say it's the seaside? Anyway, different strokes for different folks. A holiday on a caravan park isn't appealing to me personally. [/quote]
Then why are you bothering with this thread?

How bizarre!

No one really cares if you like caravan holidays or not, it's totally irrelevant.

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/02/2022 18:42

[quote hopeishere]@Kite22

Does it say it's the seaside? Anyway, different strokes for different folks. A holiday on a caravan park isn't appealing to me personally. [/quote]
Then it would be a moot point, wouldn’t it? Presumably you’d have said to the OP ‘Thank you for the thought, but caravanning isn’t my cup of tea’ or similar. You wouldn’t be arguing about how you were supposed to get there because you just wouldn’t go.

Confusedteacher · 27/02/2022 19:45

I think this thread is really highlighting the difference between people who use public transport and those that don’t- personally I love a train journey and so do my DC! We much prefer going on holiday by train.

Agree with the previous suggestion of offering to take just her DD, as long as that’s not too much hassle.

sweetbellyhigh · 27/02/2022 20:07

@Iamkmackered1979

Travelling for a little over an hour with a bag or 2 and one child is a shitfest? I think perhaps you should’ve included you couldn’t take her when you asked but explained the train issue. Tell her you’d have no money for food whilst away so you can’t afford the 7 seater.

I’ve done train with 4 kids a buggy and luggage. It’ was fine, kids enjoyed it, it was an adventure. Longer than an hour too. If your friend doesn’t like it she can book her own holiday. I think op has been kind inviting her friend. Also not sure how 3pm on a Friday is late especially in may, seems like you’d have been better just going yourselves op

Hilarious response, the MN chicken of holidays.

First of all you cannot know that the journey is "little over an hour"

We know there is

A trip to pick up the child from school
A journey to the station
Train journey one
God knows how long a wait for next train
A second train journey
A taxi journey to the caravan

Whether or not you think that's a piece of cake is irrelevant. You're not the one invited.

hellithurt · 27/02/2022 20:11

@sweetbellyhigh it's an invitation not a summons! Just say no, I'd rather stay at home than deal with that utter trauma!

hellithurt · 27/02/2022 20:13

@sweetbellyhigh the OP said she'd pick her up from the station, so knock the last issue off!!

melj1213 · 27/02/2022 21:06

First of all you cannot know that the journey is "little over an hour"

Thr OP has said the train journeys are 20 and 45 minutes so we are going off the information we have.

As for the rest ... if the friend doesn't want to go to the "hassle" of getting a taxi and two trains on a Friday afternoon for an indeterminate amount of time (but likely a less than 90 minute journey) in order to go on a free weekend break then she can just say "Thanks but no thanks"

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/02/2022 21:26

@sweetbellyhigh

Presumably as the friend doesn't drive she doesn't live far from the school and would be doing school pick up anyway. The OP has said its a short taxi journey then a 65 min train journey. So not difficult or particularly long.

WomanStanleyWoman · 28/02/2022 03:12

Hilarious response, the MN chicken of holidays.

First of all you cannot know that the journey is "little over an hour"

We know there is

A trip to pick up the child from school
A journey to the station
Train journey one
God knows how long a wait for next train
A second train journey
A taxi journey to the caravan

Whether or not you think that's a piece of cake is irrelevant. You're not the one invited.
*

Well if it’s not relevant, it doesn’t matter what you say, does it? None of us are invited. The OP’s friend is a grown woman who can say NO if she’s not interested. Why can’t she just say no if the journey is too much, instead of expecting OP and her husband to pay £200 for the privilege of taking her and her child on a free holiday?

avamiah · 28/02/2022 04:14

Let’s be honest here and say that OP invited her friend and daughter to join her and her family at a Caravan park for the weekend ,so I take it that means in their caravan or one they have rented?
So it’s a invitation and totally up to the friend if she wants to go or not and that’s were it ends.