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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday dilemma.

222 replies

helbel34 · 26/02/2022 21:44

I have booked a weekend on a caravan park with my DH and our 2 children. I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us. I drive she doesn't.

Park is only 1 hour drive away, since we won't fit in my car I was expecting my friend to possibly to get the train and I couldn't collect them at the station. We will be going after the kids finish school on the Friday so leaving at 3pm or so.

My friend has suggested that we could hire a 7 seater for the weekend so we could go together, I looked up the cost and it will be £300+, she suggested that the adults pay £100 each. So myself, DH and DF.

Considering it would only cost is £30 in petrol in our own car for the trip, I really don't want to pay £200 + petrol. Considering we are paying for the caravan.

After reading another thread tonight I am wondering if I'm been unreasonable.

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 26/02/2022 23:54

Wow how entitled is she expecting you to shell out another £200 that you don't need to

Not much of a friend is she.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/02/2022 23:56

IF you were willing to do the three hours there (returning to collect her) and then the same back - so four hours extra overall than you'd otherwise need to do for just your own family - you could always offer to do so if she gives you the £100 she was willing to spend on the hire car plus petrol for those extra trips.

If you don't drive for whatever reason, you have to accept that you either need to travel by another method than by car or otherwise pay the cost (not a derisory contribution) to a car owner (friend or taxi driver) to get you places.

Running cars costs a fortune, which you've already paid to be in the position of being able to travel there for just an extra £30 in petrol, which she hasn't; so non-drivers have all of those 'savings' to play with, when they need/choose to spend what seems like a disproportionate amount on an infrequent journey.

PAYG phones cost a lot more per minute, but if you only use them now and again, you willingly take the big hit on brief occasions rather than the 'low-to-medium hit' 24/7 that you would with a contract.

CourtRand · 27/02/2022 00:00

@kitcat15

If shes picking her kids up at 3pm then getting to the station...train ride....then ? Bus/taxi to caravan park....its going to be very late when she gets there....there doing it all again on the Sunday 😒..... she was probably the wrong friend to ask...you can't blame her for wanting to go in a car
Picks kids up, train station, one hour or less train?

It wouldn't even be dinner time.

JaneJaneJane99 · 27/02/2022 00:03

Oh

CourtRand · 27/02/2022 00:08

Sorry one hour and five train* not or less.

It's really not a big deal.

Kumbaya12 · 27/02/2022 00:08

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

IF you were willing to do the three hours there (returning to collect her) and then the same back - so four hours extra overall than you'd otherwise need to do for just your own family - you could always offer to do so if she gives you the £100 she was willing to spend on the hire car plus petrol for those extra trips.

If you don't drive for whatever reason, you have to accept that you either need to travel by another method than by car or otherwise pay the cost (not a derisory contribution) to a car owner (friend or taxi driver) to get you places.

Running cars costs a fortune, which you've already paid to be in the position of being able to travel there for just an extra £30 in petrol, which she hasn't; so non-drivers have all of those 'savings' to play with, when they need/choose to spend what seems like a disproportionate amount on an infrequent journey.

PAYG phones cost a lot more per minute, but if you only use them now and again, you willingly take the big hit on brief occasions rather than the 'low-to-medium hit' 24/7 that you would with a contract.

Yes, and non-drivers really don't get it. They think that petrol is all it costs. I used to balk at the cost of Ubers until I passed my test. MOT, insurance, servicing it all adds up.

Also delays etc aside trains are better for long holidays. I'm used to 2 hours at minimum.. 4, or 6 hours. Quicker than motorways, and obviously more comfortable as they're made for long-distance journeys with space for luggage etc.

2 short trains is nothing, some people on here are such princesses

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/02/2022 00:13

I also agree that, even if you ignore the cost, a 7-seater wouldn't be the answer. 4 of you and 4 people's (including a toddler) luggage fits nicely in a family 4/5-seater; but even the biggest 7-seaters (unless you get into converted van territory) won't fit 6 people and 6 people's luggage.

7-seaters that are still cars (i.e. not Transporters or the like) are designed to carry up to 5 people and lots of luggage or, if you use the back row upright, 6/7 people and a small amount of luggage. The travel cot and a stroller would probably nearly fill it on their own.

Even IF you were mad enough to agree to her request to hire the 7-seater, you just know that you'd end up taking your own car as well, to fit in all the luggage, so you'd be paying your 'share' of the 7-seater plus petrol, plus petrol for your own car, both of you having to drive (so nobody free to attend to/comfort/entertain the toddler) and not being able to travel together as a family. Bonkers suggestion.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2022 00:13

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Hmm.

I think it's a bit odd to invite her on holiday with you and then expect her to fork out for the train there and back Blush

Don't be ridiculous. The op is running a charity.
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/02/2022 00:18

nobody free to attend to/comfort/entertain the toddler

Neither of the toddler's parents at least

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/02/2022 00:23

It’s an hour away for you in the car but a lot more arduous for her with a tired child and 3 modes of public transport plus costs.

A short taxi ride and just over an hour on a train is not arduous. A 10 year old is not going to be that tired on Friday after school, especially if they are going away for the weekend

Fireflygal · 27/02/2022 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

viques · 27/02/2022 00:46

@DysmalRadius

Could you fit some of their luggage in the car to make their journey easier?
How much luggage would they need for a weekend? Small backpack each would do it.
dipdye · 27/02/2022 00:58

Is the friend contribing to the cost of the caravan?

Not sure why you invited her really

Teenagehorrorbag · 27/02/2022 01:00

@BobLemon

Why invite a friend that you know can’t get there? A taxi, two trains and a lift sounds fairly painful, so I can understand her leaning towards a more comfortable option. Is your friend contributing to the cost of the caravan?
A short taxi and a couple of train journeys is a very small price to pay for a free holiday! OP and her DH are kindly inviting the friend to join their family holiday - and some people on here are complaining that they aren't also laying on a gold plated helicopter......Hmm

Never does a good deed go unpunished.........

DelphiniumBlue · 27/02/2022 01:11

I don't get why an hour or so on the train is a problem for your friend.just tell her to get the ( eg) 4:30/train and you'll meet her the other end. It's for a weekend, it's really not a big deal, she won't need loads of luggage and she's bringing a 10 year old, not a baby.
Is she a princess or something?

Migrainesbythedozen · 27/02/2022 06:07

More non-driver CFers. Where do they get their brass neck nerve! YANBU and you should say "our car only costs us $30 (sorry, I'm not UK and my keyboard doesn't have the pound sign), we are giving you a free holiday and free caravan accommodation, we're not going to spend $200 just because you don't drive, you will have to get yourself to the train station, sorry."

Migrainesbythedozen · 27/02/2022 06:08

But you would be unreasonable to invite her on a holiday again. She sounds very selfish and like she doesn't appreciate what you are doing for her. She's a CFer.

liveforsummer · 27/02/2022 06:13

@Summerfun54321

What is all this treating others to holidays and paying for their transport on MN this evening. I have never done this with any of my friends ever. It’s way too much money to throw around as a “treat”. Drinks and birthday presents for friends is fine but hundreds of pounds on holidays and transport, no fucking way.
OP hasn't really spent anything on friend, the caravan would cost the same regardless of who's staying in it. There was space so she asked if she fancied coming along (if she can get herself there, was maybe worth specifying that when offering)

Op I'd just explain the cost difference and say it's not something you're prepared to do. Point out there would be no room for luggage with 6 people anyway. Maybe offer to take her luggage the most annoying part of changing trains is lugging the bags on and off a busy platform

Migrainesbythedozen · 27/02/2022 06:17

@notangelinajolie

YANBU if you pick her up from the train station and drop her off at the end. However, she would also NBU to decline you invitation to stay with you. A free holiday that turns out to be accomodation only is not free if she has to consider the train fare, food, spending money etc. She may not have this money to spend.
@notangelinajolie Are you serious? Would you honestly expect an all-expenses-paid holiday by your friends who have to pay for everything, at their expense and incovenience and you pay nothing? OP is offering her a free holiday and accommodation, at the OP's expense and inconvenience, all friend has to do, is get there. Just like every other normal human being who travels to go on holiday.
Lemonlady22 · 27/02/2022 06:28

It's not just getting the friend there, it's also getting back, two journeys there and two journeys back...no...I wouldn't be doing it. A weekend break for the friend is a weekend of driving for the OP...not relaxing at all!

Odoreida · 27/02/2022 06:29

I and my son went on holiday with friends (family of 5) the other day. We split food and stuff 3 ways, apartment exactly as a bed is a bed (so I paid a lot less for the lovely house), but I insisted on paying half of the 7 seater car we hired as without me they could have got a normal car and I didn't want to drive, so they were doing me a favour. Maybe if she had offered to split the cost of the car in half to reflect this?

DingDongtheWitchisDrunk · 27/02/2022 06:31

@kitcat15

If shes picking her kids up at 3pm then getting to the station...train ride....then ? Bus/taxi to caravan park....its going to be very late when she gets there....there doing it all again on the Sunday 😒..... she was probably the wrong friend to ask...you can't blame her for wanting to go in a car
Well then friend needs to have a driving licence and a car then...
DingDongtheWitchisDrunk · 27/02/2022 06:32

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Hmm.

I think it's a bit odd to invite her on holiday with you and then expect her to fork out for the train there and back Blush

So if someone invited you on holiday - they've to foot the whole bill? Wow! Grabby much?!
Zonder · 27/02/2022 06:41

I would probably take her DD and luggage but drop her at the station first. Drop everyone at the caravan and go get her from the station.

Zonder · 27/02/2022 06:45

By her I mean mum not the 10 year old!

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