Holiday dilemma.

[helbel34]

I have booked a weekend on a caravan park with my DH and our 2 children. I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us. I drive she doesn't.

Park is only 1 hour drive away, since we won't fit in my car I was expecting my friend to possibly to get the train and I couldn't collect them at the station. We will be going after the kids finish school on the Friday so leaving at 3pm or so.

My friend has suggested that we could hire a 7 seater for the weekend so we could go together, I looked up the cost and it will be £300+, she suggested that the adults pay £100 each. So myself, DH and DF.

Considering it would only cost is £30 in petrol in our own car for the trip, I really don't want to pay £200 + petrol. Considering we are paying for the caravan.

After reading another thread tonight I am wondering if I'm been unreasonable.

I live a 1-hour drive from a popular North-East coastal area, with several holiday parks. It is also a 20-then-45 minute train ride away.

If I was lucky enough to be invited to stay with a friend, for a free weekend, in a caravan/mobile home, and she'd offered to pick me up at the other end, I'd be incredibly grateful and more than happy to drag myself and 2dc on a train to get there, at zero cost to the friend.

CF alert. No way should you be forking out car hire costs (as you won't be able to fit all your luggage in anyway).

So if someone invited you on holiday - they've to foot the whole bill? Wow! Grabby much?!

That's not actually what I said though, is it @DingDongtheWitchisDrunk?

I've said (twice) that I just think it's a bit weird to invite someone on holiday when you can't travel together, especially when that means OP can go straight there by car while her friend faffs around getting taxis and trains and waiting around for lifts.

It's just an odd way to do things IMO.

Personally, If I was going somewhere and wanted to invite a friend for the weekend, I would make sure I could fit them in my car first - not expect them to make their own way there at their own expense.

YABU in not considering travel arrangements at the time of inviting her. YANBU in not paying £200 to get her there. A taxi would be cheaper.

I think the lesson of these holiday threads is don't do any kind of joint holiday without discussing every aspect. Seems like people make wildly different assumptions.

Is another issue that the Friday journey is doable on public transport but the Sunday one isn't due to the reduced timetable and "improvement works"?

So much hysteria

The friend does not sound grabby to me and the op does not sound very charitable.

And none of us knows whether or not the friend and her 10yo would find the triple transport journey arduous or not.

She only asked, and no is an acceptable answer.

I know it isn't as much drama or finger pointing, but that's all it is.

Friend can get the train.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

So if someone invited you on holiday - they've to foot the whole bill? Wow! Grabby much?!

That's not actually what I said though, is it @DingDongtheWitchisDrunk?

I've said (twice) that I just think it's a bit weird to invite someone on holiday when you can't travel together, especially when that means OP can go straight there by car while her friend faffs around getting taxis and trains and waiting around for lifts.

It's just an odd way to do things IMO.

Personally, If I was going somewhere and wanted to invite a friend for the weekend, I would make sure I could fit them in my car first - not expect them to make their own way there at their own expense.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Each to their own. But not how the majority do it.

A taxi, two trains (gawd) then a lift, with kiddy and luggage in tow sounds like a shitfest to me. I can see why she has put the feelers out for a solution.

You can say no of course. I wouldn’t agree to it either.

Tough situation.

@DingDongtheWitchisDrunk

I just don't think OP was very clear. If the intention was to meet at the caravan then she should have said so, not ask her friend if the fancy joining them (which to me implies a lift).

I mean, if someone said "we're off to x on Sunday, do you fancy joining us?" I'd assume that meant we'd share a lift or all catch the train together.

Whereas if the intention was to meet at the destination, I'd expect them to say so when handing out the invite. So something like "we're off to the zoo on Sunday - if you and x fancy it we can meet at the entrance for 10am?"

I'd say no sorry it makes more sense for us to take our car but we will get you from station. How expensive is train? Surely less than £100.

[quote fairylightsandwaxmelts]@DingDongtheWitchisDrunk

I just don't think OP was very clear. If the intention was to meet at the caravan then she should have said so, not ask her friend if the fancy joining them (which to me implies a lift).

I mean, if someone said "we're off to x on Sunday, do you fancy joining us?" I'd assume that meant we'd share a lift or all catch the train together.

Whereas if the intention was to meet at the destination, I'd expect them to say so when handing out the invite. So something like "we're off to the zoo on Sunday - if you and x fancy it we can meet at the entrance for 10am?"[/quote]
@fairylightsandwaxmelts perhaps you're right that the OP wasn't clear, because in your example "we're off to X, fancy joining us" you'd assume a lift, but I wouldn't, I would expect to make my own way there!

However, we won't know how clear the OP was as we weren't part of the conversation.

What IS clear is that is is super cheeky to expect the OP to fork out for transport because the 'friend' doesn't drive. And not ONLY does the 'friend' suggest this, but suggests she only pays a third while the OP has to pay 2/3. It's laughable

YANBU.

It sounds very much like you've offered her the spare beds in the caravan and if she doesn't drive, she must be used to doing fairly short train journeys anyway so that's hardly such a great effort.

Asking you to hire a bigger car so you can drive them all together, and pay the majority of the cost, when you already have your own transport sorted is ridiculous and entitled.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Not really. If the friend could drive would you expect the op to pay their petrol money?

I wouldn't invite someone on holiday with me in the first place if they had to make their own way there like that.

I just think it's a bit odd.

Why? What's wrong with getting a train and being collected from the station?

They don't drive, so must be used to public transport.

If you invite someone on holiday it's nice of you, but you don't turn into their mother and do everything for them!

What IS clear is that is is super cheeky to expect the OP to fork out for transport because the 'friend' doesn't drive. And not ONLY does the 'friend' suggest this, but suggests she only pays a third while the OP has to pay 2/3. It's laughable

I agree that's cheeky.

But I also think it's a bit odd to invite someone away with you when you can't give them a lift and when you know the only way they can get there involves a taxi, two trains and a lift at the other end.

I also wonder whether the return journey on Sunday will be easy (or even possible)?

@hellithurt there's nothing wrong with it if that's what was agreed on from the outset.

But in this case OP wasn't clear and I can totally understand someone not wanting the hassle of a taxi, two trains and a lift on a Friday night after work (and again on Sunday to get back home).

Of course she shouldn't expect OP to fork out for a hire car but equally she's not unreasonable to want to explore other options either.

Public transport where I live is awful so maybe I'm judging by that, but I wouldn't want to faff about with trains and taxis just for a two night stay somewhere, especially when one of the journeys is on a Sunday.

@Lyonic

If its only an hour in the car, just go back once car is empty and pick them up. Its 4 hours of driving you ideally would not make but.. Public transport is garbage and it sounded like you wanted to do something nice for your friend who does not have a husband?

You cannot be serious! So instead of leaving home at three being there at 4, OP won't be there until 7!

Because friend doesn't want to get a train that takes 1 hour 5 mins and then be collected from the station!

Petrol costs and then having to do that again on the Monday!

The more I think about it the more I wonder what they all will be doing on the weekend. Just staying at the caravan and going no where? Because they can't all go for a drive, or go to a restaurant or a pub or even drive to a lake or swimming hole because they can't all fit in the car. So, @helbel34 what are you going to do for the entire weekend? Just sit in the caravan? And what about food, booze, supplies etc? Who buys them and how?

@Namechangeroo1234

I dunno. I think I would have planned transport at the point of invitation. It's shitty of her to assume you'll provide transport, but perhaps she's also assuming you'd travel together. Has she actually said no to the train offer?

Also- tight squeeze in a caravan!!

Depends on the size of the caravan really!

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

What IS clear is that is is super cheeky to expect the OP to fork out for transport because the 'friend' doesn't drive. And not ONLY does the 'friend' suggest this, but suggests she only pays a third while the OP has to pay 2/3. It's laughable

I agree that's cheeky.

But I also think it's a bit odd to invite someone away with you when you can't give them a lift and when you know the only way they can get there involves a taxi, two trains and a lift at the other end.

I also wonder whether the return journey on Sunday will be easy (or even possible)?

OP says return journey is Monday.

CF behaviour from friend.

Agree with PP that this is her dilemma, not yours. Would confirm that other than dropping off / picking up at the station you’re not offering transport and ask her to let you know if she’ll be coming.

Sorry it's three hours not four! But still a ridiculous idea!

@Migrainesbythedozen oops, not sure where I got Sunday from

I was just judging from our own trains - Sunday service here is a nightmare and I wouldn't want to use it unless I was absolutely desperate.

Monday may be better depending on timings and of course whether the friend needs to be back at work early or not.

People that don't drive don't realise ho much things cost . Tell her that it's too much and you can't afford it , plus you can't drive such a big car happily! Sorted!

[quote fairylightsandwaxmelts]@Migrainesbythedozen oops, not sure where I got Sunday from

I was just judging from our own trains - Sunday service here is a nightmare and I wouldn't want to use it unless I was absolutely desperate.

Monday may be better depending on timings and of course whether the friend needs to be back at work early or not.[/quote]
If she needs to get back for work early, she best make her own arrangements and not burden her friend with her requirements.

@hellithurt

Sorry it's three hours not four! But still a ridiculous idea!

It wouldn't just be 3 hours though- unpacking car at destination plus dealing with kids at the same time, friday traffic and will likely start hitting a rush hour that begins earlier on Friday too, stopping for fuel, parking up and getting second lot of luggage loaded in getting everyone in car etc. Easily add a 4th hour or more