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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday dilemma.

222 replies

helbel34 · 26/02/2022 21:44

I have booked a weekend on a caravan park with my DH and our 2 children. I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us. I drive she doesn't.

Park is only 1 hour drive away, since we won't fit in my car I was expecting my friend to possibly to get the train and I couldn't collect them at the station. We will be going after the kids finish school on the Friday so leaving at 3pm or so.

My friend has suggested that we could hire a 7 seater for the weekend so we could go together, I looked up the cost and it will be £300+, she suggested that the adults pay £100 each. So myself, DH and DF.

Considering it would only cost is £30 in petrol in our own car for the trip, I really don't want to pay £200 + petrol. Considering we are paying for the caravan.

After reading another thread tonight I am wondering if I'm been unreasonable.

OP posts:
balalake · 27/02/2022 09:11

Probably cost you less if you were to pay the train fares.

Confusedteacher · 27/02/2022 09:14

I don’t get all this hand-wringing about public transport! I don’t really like driving long distances and have often taken my DC away by myself on the train. A 20min then 45 min train journey with one 10yo sounds like a doddle!

My DC used to love getting the train at much younger ages than that- train snacks, a magazine, watching a downloaded movie on the iPad… Surely if she doesn’t drive she’s used to public transport?

If you have the space it would be nice to offer to take her luggage and maybe her DC as well.

Porcupineintherough · 27/02/2022 09:18

@KidneyBeans because if its straightforward then why all this fuss. And we now know from the OP that it's not entirely straightforward but not horrendous either.

Larryyourwaiter · 27/02/2022 09:27

@hopeishere

How are you going to manage trips / excursions when you're there if there's only one car?

Could your husband take all the kids and you and her get the train together?

Why on earth should OP get the train now?

She is doing this woman a favour, she doesn’t have to think of more ways to bend over backwards for her.
I didn’t use to have a car, I got buses and trains and taxis all the time. I coped with that perfectly well. She isn’t asking her to hike the entire way but sit on a train, I’m sure she will cope as an adult.

Migrainesbythedozen · 27/02/2022 09:28

@Confusedteacher

I don’t get all this hand-wringing about public transport! I don’t really like driving long distances and have often taken my DC away by myself on the train. A 20min then 45 min train journey with one 10yo sounds like a doddle!

My DC used to love getting the train at much younger ages than that- train snacks, a magazine, watching a downloaded movie on the iPad… Surely if she doesn’t drive she’s used to public transport?

If you have the space it would be nice to offer to take her luggage and maybe her DC as well.

What does 'doddle' mean? Does that mean something good or something bad?
DontBeMean · 27/02/2022 09:28

Yanbu. The train journey sounds easy. I'm amazed so many posters would find it arduous.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 09:30

[quote autienotnaughty]@fairylightsandwaxmelts but if they don't drive they will be use to trains etc unless they never go anywhere or constantly cadge lifts! It's an adult not a child and getting a train to a holiday destination is not a big drama. [/quote]
I mean, no it's not necessarily a drama but equally I wouldn't want to do it unless it was necessary.

Public transport in many areas is shocking and even if you don't drive, you may not want to use it when you don't need to.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 27/02/2022 09:33

If someone chooses not to drive, they should understand they will need to take public transport. If your friend wants to hire a 7 seater, she pays for the full amount. You cannot be expected to pay when you have a car already. OP if she wants to come, she can get the two trains.

liveforsummer · 27/02/2022 09:34

OP did a kind thing offering the option of free holiday accommodation and company rather than holidaying as a lone adult and is now expected to pay and extra 200 or get the train when she has a perfectly good car leaving her husband to deal with the kids including one that isn't his. Also how would dh collect them from the station if there is no one at the park to leave the kids with? Some crazy suggestions. A friend of mine offered almost exactly the same thing and I went along. A much longer train journey too. I didn't for a second expect it was her responsibility to get me there. I do actually drive but the train was a preferable option, far more relaxing than dealing with motorways with the distraction of dc in the back on a long journey. We didn't need a car once there it was only a few days and there were some nice walks from the site and places to visit that could be walked to, plus a pool, park, entertainment etc onsite. It was a lovely relaxing holiday with no pressure to be up and out and very kind of my friend to offer of course she got company plus dc were all better entertained having friends too a was mutually beneficial

JacquelineCarlyle · 27/02/2022 09:38

@NandorTheRelentlessCleaner

cancel cancel cancel

She is a mickey taker

It was kind of you but she’s clearly a “user”, so best to back off now

Or she’ll expect you to pay all the food and drink too

This is my immediate impression too!
autienotnaughty · 27/02/2022 09:41

@fairylightsandwaxmelts then you turn down the offer of a holiday.

autienotnaughty · 27/02/2022 09:42

@Migrainesbythedozen 😂 Doddle - it means easy.

Catlover77 · 27/02/2022 09:44

Migraine - doddle means easy.

Out of interest, are you not in the UK?

Migrainesbythedozen · 27/02/2022 09:48

[quote autienotnaughty]@Migrainesbythedozen 😂 Doddle - it means easy. [/quote]
@autienotnaughty Thanks. The word sounds like it would mean confusion or shamozzle in my mind, so I'm glad I asked.

@Catlover77 No, I'm in Australia. I've never heard the saying before. But now I know what it means, so that's good.

Aprilx · 27/02/2022 09:51

Would you not need a car to get out and about whilst you are there anyway? I’m which case she would be getting taxis and trains whilst your family drive around yourselves? Or you go out without them?

I think you were unreasonable to invite your friend without giving a bit more thought to the logistics, not just of getting there but once you are there as well. She maybe thought as you invited her you would be getting out and about as a group and would need bigger transport.

I can see why you don’t want to spend money that you don’t need to, but I also think you should have thought about that before you invited your non driving friend.

autienotnaughty · 27/02/2022 09:52

@Migrainesbythedozen yes it's definitely a northern England term not sure about anywhere else!

liveforsummer · 27/02/2022 09:56

@Aprilx

Would you not need a car to get out and about whilst you are there anyway? I’m which case she would be getting taxis and trains whilst your family drive around yourselves? Or you go out without them?

I think you were unreasonable to invite your friend without giving a bit more thought to the logistics, not just of getting there but once you are there as well. She maybe thought as you invited her you would be getting out and about as a group and would need bigger transport.

I can see why you don’t want to spend money that you don’t need to, but I also think you should have thought about that before you invited your non driving friend.

Lots of people use public transport to holiday. Trips requiring a car are not a necessity especially when it's just a short break
CJay81 · 27/02/2022 10:00

We are a non driving family and are use to getting public transport with 2 children. I'd never expect anyone to hire a bigger vehicle to take us anywhere. We get the train and taxi if needed, if we go to a caravan park. This Is what we will be doing when we meet family at a Haven caraven park in the Summer. Id be very greatful of being picked up at the station too. So yes she is being unreasonable.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/02/2022 10:29

Caravan parks often have swimming pools, play parks, amusements, entertainment, could be close to a beach or a lake I'm walking distance so plenty to do for a weekend break, plus it's a change of scene.

PeakyBlender · 27/02/2022 10:38

She's a CF

Howshouldibehave · 27/02/2022 10:52

I have booked a weekend on a caravan park with my DH and our 2 children. I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us. I drive she doesn't.

See, I read posts like this and think why?! Why would you ask someone who didn’t drive to share a small caravan for a holiday. Maybe I’m a bitch though!

When I go away on holidays or weekends with friends-we talk about it and plan them loads before even thinking about dates or booking. I wouldn’t book a weekend away with my family, then decide to invite someone and THEN think of the details.

Most of the problems with CF could be sorted with good communication!

I certainly wouldn’t be hiring a 7 seater car when you already have one! I presume you’ve said no-has she replied?

JustLyra · 27/02/2022 11:04

@Aprilx

Would you not need a car to get out and about whilst you are there anyway? I’m which case she would be getting taxis and trains whilst your family drive around yourselves? Or you go out without them?

I think you were unreasonable to invite your friend without giving a bit more thought to the logistics, not just of getting there but once you are there as well. She maybe thought as you invited her you would be getting out and about as a group and would need bigger transport.

I can see why you don’t want to spend money that you don’t need to, but I also think you should have thought about that before you invited your non driving friend.

Why would you need a car once there?

It’s a weekend. Most caravan parks have all the facilities you need on site so no need to leave.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/02/2022 11:04

A few days in a caravan doesn't need trips here there and everywhere. Most caravan parks have a pool, restaurants , take aways, play areas and a shop. Many are in walking distance of a beach or have country walks on the doorstep. Perfect for a relaxing child friendly break.

JustLyra · 27/02/2022 11:05

It’s an hour on the train with a 10yo.

It’s not like the OP has suggested the friend row the Atlantic with newborn triplets.

Eddielizzard · 27/02/2022 11:09

I would say 'sorry, can't afford the car hire. I can pick you up from the station though. If that's difficult, then we'll have to leave it this time.' You are doing a lovely thing by inviting her and not expecting a contribution to the accommodation. But she shouldn't assume you'll foot the entire bill.