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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday dilemma.

222 replies

helbel34 · 26/02/2022 21:44

I have booked a weekend on a caravan park with my DH and our 2 children. I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us. I drive she doesn't.

Park is only 1 hour drive away, since we won't fit in my car I was expecting my friend to possibly to get the train and I couldn't collect them at the station. We will be going after the kids finish school on the Friday so leaving at 3pm or so.

My friend has suggested that we could hire a 7 seater for the weekend so we could go together, I looked up the cost and it will be £300+, she suggested that the adults pay £100 each. So myself, DH and DF.

Considering it would only cost is £30 in petrol in our own car for the trip, I really don't want to pay £200 + petrol. Considering we are paying for the caravan.

After reading another thread tonight I am wondering if I'm been unreasonable.

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 08:36

@hellithurt yes, I've never said otherwise.

But I still stand by my opinion (however unpopular it is Grin) that it's a bit daft to invite a non-driver on holiday with you without making it clear that they'll need to find their own way there.

I really don't think it's outlandish to assume
that "do you want to join us" implies a lift or shared transport somehow Smile

Of course OP shouldn't have to pay to hire a car or anything like that but the whole thing could have been avoided if she told her friend she'd need to make her own way there to start with.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 27/02/2022 08:36

That sounds like an easy train journey and the sort of thing people do daily as a commute so I can’t see the fuss really.

They’ll need very little luggage for three nights and her kid is 10! Not 1

autienotnaughty · 27/02/2022 08:42

It always amazes me how many people on Mumsnet think if they are invited to something the invitee pays. If I was invited to stay at a caravan with someone I would assume I was making my own way there, contributing to food and generally paying my way.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 08:44

@autienotnaughty

It always amazes me how many people on Mumsnet think if they are invited to something the invitee pays. If I was invited to stay at a caravan with someone I would assume I was making my own way there, contributing to food and generally paying my way.
I would expect to contribute to petrol if I was being given a lift.

But I just can't imagine inviting someone away with me knowing they don't drive and will need to faff about with trains and taxis.

I'd either give them a lift, or, if that wasn't possible, I'd make it crystal clear from the start that we'd need to meet at the destination and was that okay?

Newmumatlast · 27/02/2022 08:44

@helbel34

I have booked a weekend on a caravan park with my DH and our 2 children. I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us. I drive she doesn't.

Park is only 1 hour drive away, since we won't fit in my car I was expecting my friend to possibly to get the train and I couldn't collect them at the station. We will be going after the kids finish school on the Friday so leaving at 3pm or so.

My friend has suggested that we could hire a 7 seater for the weekend so we could go together, I looked up the cost and it will be £300+, she suggested that the adults pay £100 each. So myself, DH and DF.

Considering it would only cost is £30 in petrol in our own car for the trip, I really don't want to pay £200 + petrol. Considering we are paying for the caravan.

After reading another thread tonight I am wondering if I'm been unreasonable.

No you aren't. You asked if she would want to come but not for free. She knows she cant drive and that your car would be full when she accepted. She wouldnt be wrong in suggesting a 7 seater and that she oay for it but to expect you to when it is her that cannot drive is wrong. This is the consequence of not being able to drive. You have to sort out public transport for yourself when others dont.
Newmumatlast · 27/02/2022 08:48

[quote fairylightsandwaxmelts]@hellithurt yes, I've never said otherwise.

But I still stand by my opinion (however unpopular it is Grin) that it's a bit daft to invite a non-driver on holiday with you without making it clear that they'll need to find their own way there.

I really don't think it's outlandish to assume
that "do you want to join us" implies a lift or shared transport somehow Smile

Of course OP shouldn't have to pay to hire a car or anything like that but the whole thing could have been avoided if she told her friend she'd need to make her own way there to start with.
[/quote]
See I think it's obvious isnt it? Friend knows she cant drive. Knows OP can. Knows OP has x amount of seats and x amount of people in her family. And this is in the context of a short journey compared to most holiday journeys in a location where trains are available. Why would OP get a train and then taxi to the location or some other public transport when she drives? I think this is one instance where it's fair to assume friend would realise she needs to get herself there given the alternative options are a bit absurd for OP to do when she can easily drive instead and friend knows that. Friend would have to be a bit daft not to realise or to expect OP to choose more difficult and more expensive alternatives.

gogohm · 27/02/2022 08:49

Just say no but you can pick her up from the station

Moneyhunter · 27/02/2022 08:52

I said that a taxi there and back probably won't be much more that £100 for her.
If she’s prepared to pay the £100 for the hire car she can use the money for the price of the taxi surely.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 08:53

@Newmumatlast but many families have two cars so maybe friend assumed they'd take both and she'd just pay the fuel for one car, for example?

We're a two car family and if we invited a non-driving family somewhere, we'd just take two cars and split the passengers across the two vehicles.

If we only had one car and couldn't fit everyone in, I'd make it clear that the guests would need to make their own way to the destination and that we'd meet them there.

Lulu1919 · 27/02/2022 08:54

No to hire car
But it depends on how you worded it

Hello Friend ..we've booked a holiday caravan there's a spare room if you and daughter want to join us ...do you think you could get there and back to be able to come along ?

Then it was up to her

Hello friend We'd love you to come with us for a weekend in a caravan ...different message

WhenSpringArrives · 27/02/2022 08:54

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. Why on Earth would you want to pay all that extra money when you've already paid for the caravan. Also splitting between 3 adults isn't really the case when you and DH are together. Really that's you lying £200 and her paying £100. I wouldn't be happy with that at all.

FinallyHere · 27/02/2022 08:54

I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us

Is the friend contributing to any other costs ?

Suggesting you share the cost of hiring a vehicle for you all, when she doesn't drive and you do, and you already have a car you can use is sliding into CF territory in my book.

liveforsummer · 27/02/2022 08:55

I'm not sure she'd offer to pay for fuel as she expected the hire car to split 3 ways not 2 even though the op already has a car. Nothing the op has said suggests they are a 2 car family either

Newmumatlast · 27/02/2022 08:55

[quote fairylightsandwaxmelts]@DingDongtheWitchisDrunk

I just don't think OP was very clear. If the intention was to meet at the caravan then she should have said so, not ask her friend if the fancy joining them (which to me implies a lift).

I mean, if someone said "we're off to x on Sunday, do you fancy joining us?" I'd assume that meant we'd share a lift or all catch the train together.

Whereas if the intention was to meet at the destination, I'd expect them to say so when handing out the invite. So something like "we're off to the zoo on Sunday - if you and x fancy it we can meet at the entrance for 10am?"[/quote]
I would normally think this but given friend knows OP is taking her family and only has x amounts of seats in her car, and doesnt have a 7 seater at her disposal, and public transport would be more awkward for her than the car she has available for her family, I find it odd in this scenario that friend would expect she would be getting a lift. It wouldnt cross my mind that this would be available if it were me. If it were just my friend going with their 1 child and I had one child perhaps I would assume that we would go in her car together and split fuel but not where there are obviously no seats free. I wouldve realised I needed to sort my transport.

KidneyBeans · 27/02/2022 08:55

@Porcupineintherough

Does your dh drive and have a second car? If so could you take both and she pay petrol? Assuming the train journey is a long and difficult one.
Why would you assume that when it's only an hour away?
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 08:57

@liveforsummer

I'm not sure she'd offer to pay for fuel as she expected the hire car to split 3 ways not 2 even though the op already has a car. Nothing the op has said suggests they are a 2 car family either
At the end of the day, OP should have been clear from the outset that her friend would need to organise her own transport - be that train, taxi, bus or whatever.

Then the friend would have been able to say "sorry, we can't afford that" (or whatever) without all this drama about lifts and driving back and forth Wink

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 09:00

Why would you assume that when it's only an hour away?

An hour by car doesn't always translate to an hour on public transport.

I can drive to my parents' house in forty minutes but the train takes 3.5 hours and then it's still six miles to their village on top Grin

Newmumatlast · 27/02/2022 09:01

[quote fairylightsandwaxmelts]@Newmumatlast but many families have two cars so maybe friend assumed they'd take both and she'd just pay the fuel for one car, for example?

We're a two car family and if we invited a non-driving family somewhere, we'd just take two cars and split the passengers across the two vehicles.

If we only had one car and couldn't fit everyone in, I'd make it clear that the guests would need to make their own way to the destination and that we'd meet them there.[/quote]
Fair enough but then why the suggestion of a 7 seater and paying hundreds for its use. The friend wouldn't be daft enough to suggest that when fuel for 2 cars is obviously much cheaper. So my guess is that there are obviously not 2 cars.

MissMaple82 · 27/02/2022 09:02

Shes a cheeky mare. Just say no!

hopeishere · 27/02/2022 09:06

How are you going to manage trips / excursions when you're there if there's only one car?

Could your husband take all the kids and you and her get the train together?

viques · 27/02/2022 09:07

@hopeishere

How are you going to manage trips / excursions when you're there if there's only one car?

Could your husband take all the kids and you and her get the train together?

It’s only a weekend, not three weeks on Route 66.
Loopytiles · 27/02/2022 09:07

It’s one weekend. Not all families going camping / caravanning go on ‘trips and excursions’ - for some being onsite is the main event.

EenieWeenie · 27/02/2022 09:08

I can see your point @Fairylightsandwaxmelts but join us to me means meet us there
Anyway OP just say you can't afford to hire anything, then just leave it, it was a nice thought though

hopeishere · 27/02/2022 09:09

@Loopytiles

It’s one weekend. Not all families going camping / caravanning go on ‘trips and excursions’ - for some being onsite is the main event.
Jeepers that sounds boring!!
autienotnaughty · 27/02/2022 09:10

@fairylightsandwaxmelts but if they don't drive they will be use to trains etc unless they never go anywhere or constantly cadge lifts! It's an adult not a child and getting a train to a holiday destination is not a big drama.