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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday dilemma.

222 replies

helbel34 · 26/02/2022 21:44

I have booked a weekend on a caravan park with my DH and our 2 children. I have asked my friend and her daughter to join us. I drive she doesn't.

Park is only 1 hour drive away, since we won't fit in my car I was expecting my friend to possibly to get the train and I couldn't collect them at the station. We will be going after the kids finish school on the Friday so leaving at 3pm or so.

My friend has suggested that we could hire a 7 seater for the weekend so we could go together, I looked up the cost and it will be £300+, she suggested that the adults pay £100 each. So myself, DH and DF.

Considering it would only cost is £30 in petrol in our own car for the trip, I really don't want to pay £200 + petrol. Considering we are paying for the caravan.

After reading another thread tonight I am wondering if I'm been unreasonable.

OP posts:
Tamworth123 · 26/02/2022 23:01

@Hollywolly1

Its a bit odd inviting her to a caravan its not like a holiday home with room,if it was just you and your friend and her child and your 2 kids that would be different but where would you all sleep
Have you been in a caravan?

Many could sleep 8 ppl if they have a double sofa bed in sitting area.

Summerfun54321 · 26/02/2022 23:01

What is all this treating others to holidays and paying for their transport on MN this evening. I have never done this with any of my friends ever. It’s way too much money to throw around as a “treat”. Drinks and birthday presents for friends is fine but hundreds of pounds on holidays and transport, no fucking way.

Namechangeroo1234 · 26/02/2022 23:02

I dunno. I think I would have planned transport at the point of invitation.
It's shitty of her to assume you'll provide transport, but perhaps she's also assuming you'd travel together. Has she actually said no to the train offer?

Also- tight squeeze in a caravan!!

BobLemon · 26/02/2022 23:02

As @Lyonic says, I personally would do the back-and-forth journeys if it was only an hour. I wouldn’t ask a friend and her child to take 2 trains for the sake of a 2hr round trip for me.

Tamworth123 · 26/02/2022 23:04

You've offered her to join you in the (paid for) caravan, on the basis that she can make her way there.

She's assumed your offer includes transport, but it doesn't/cant because your car isn't big enough for everyone.

She's not being reasonable expecting you to add hundreds more onto your costs to provide her transport as well.

Do you have two cars even?

Could absolutely noone she knows give her a lift? Even one way.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 26/02/2022 23:07

@BobLemon

As *@Lyonic* says, I personally would do the back-and-forth journeys if it was only an hour. I wouldn’t ask a friend and her child to take 2 trains for the sake of a 2hr round trip for me.
In one night? Leaving OP 's DH and 2DC to get on with things like making up the caravan, preparing dinner, looking round etc.? Depending on the age of the DC and DF's child, it might be a relatively late night.
melj1213 · 26/02/2022 23:11

I used to take a more complicated train route to get to school every day, it is not unreasonable to expect her to take the train under the circumstances.

I might offer to take DFs bags (if there was room in the car) as the most awkward part of train travel to/from holidays is lugging bags on and off the trains and through stations, so that way she would just have to get herself and DD on the trains which would make it even more straightforward, especially if you can use that extra bit of time to drop your DH and kids off at the caravan and then come to collect them from the station so that your DH can be getting checked in/set up while you are picking DF and her DD up.

GreenClock · 26/02/2022 23:13

Take her suitcase, as others have suggested.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2022 23:14

I think as long as you're clear about what you're offering it's fine to say "not, that alt doesn't suit me".
Are you going to hang around the caravan site all weekend though or is she going to spend it looking for buses or taxis to follow you around?

I would def offer to take her luggage.

Hollytreenew · 26/02/2022 23:14

I think people who are saying they would make two journeys in the car and go back and pick her up and that it is ‘only an hour away’ are very kind but are perhaps forgetting that it would then make the evening journey 3 hours for OP. The journey to the caravan with her family, then back to get her friend and then back to the caravan again. I do not think that three hours journey time is reasonable!

I think that if she wants to come then she can make her own way and you are not being unreasonable. You have kindly offered the chance of a weekend away anyway. If she chooses to go then it is up to her.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 26/02/2022 23:14

A 20 minute and 45 minute train journey is hardly difficult. Very easy and straightforward

Flickflak · 26/02/2022 23:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

JustLyra · 26/02/2022 23:17

Can you fit her DC in your car?

Given that train travel on a Friday is always dearer then, if possible, I'd do that. Collect her DC from school with yours and head off.

Then she can get a reasonable price train and travel herself (especially if you can't fit her luggage).

Beyond that though there's no way I'd be doing an extra two hours driving to save two short train hops to a free holiday.

MyDcAreMarvel · 26/02/2022 23:19

Take her dv and her luggage . You won't fit a travel cot in the bedroom only in the living area.

MyDcAreMarvel · 26/02/2022 23:19

*dd

Larryyourwaiter · 26/02/2022 23:20

What’s wrong with getting a bloody train. I assume you might be able to take anything heavy/awkward for her. If she is willing to pay towards a car she can afford a taxi to the station.
I wouldn’t be taking her back and forth either. What if you get caught in traffic and it ends up taking hours and hours.

NessieMcNessface · 26/02/2022 23:22

You have been lovely to offer your friend a free weekend away. It is nonsensical for you to now pay £200 plus (as opposed to £30) for a hire car when your friend is perfectly capable of getting a train. You are being reasonable and she is not. If you can help with the luggage great, if not she will have to manage but it is only for a weekend so she shouldn’t need too much. I would be honest with her; in the end she can always choose not to go.

AdobeWanKenobi · 26/02/2022 23:27

I'd be making my excuses.
That's likely just the start of her demands. If he believes this holiday is your treat somehow you'll be paying for meals and everything.

Kite22 · 26/02/2022 23:28

Of course YANBU, but I don't understand how the invitation went in the first place, and why it didn't go:
"Hi DF. Dh, the dc and I have booked a caravan and we think we can squeeze you in if you want to join us and can get yourselves there? Have a think and let us know when you've investigated the trains. I would be able to pick you up from X train station, which is the nearest to where the caravan is and drop you there to come home if that helps."
or why, when you invited her, DF didn't say
"Ooh, that sounds appealing. I'll have to work out how to get there and back, can I let you know?" (even if she were hoping you'd offer something).

Of course YANBU, but I can't understand how friends who are close enough to be sharing a caravan for a few days, aren't close enough to be able to just speak to each other.

Chloemol · 26/02/2022 23:29

YANBU. She gets the train, pays for the hire of the car, or doesn’t come

Why should you pay an extra £200 to accommodate her?

Walkingalot · 26/02/2022 23:31

No good deal goes unpunished.

AliceMcK · 26/02/2022 23:37

I don’t understand why you invited her knowing getting there would be so hard. If we only had the one car I’d at least offer to drop her at the train station and pick her up at the other end to save taxis, especially straight after school in a Friday with a tired child. It’s an hour away for you in the car but a lot more arduous for her with a tired child and 3 modes of public transport plus costs. If we had 2 cars between myself, DH & DF I’d offer to take 2 cars if I was the one doing the inviting.

Summerfun54321 · 26/02/2022 23:41

No good deal goes unpunished.

I’m pretty sure it’s “deed” but I like this version too 😂

Creameggs223 · 26/02/2022 23:44

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Hmm.

I think it's a bit odd to invite her on holiday with you and then expect her to fork out for the train there and back Blush

How? Friend knows op drives and friend also knows there isn't room in car.
Kite22 · 26/02/2022 23:51

Not sure why anyone thinks it is the OP's responsibility to put herself out that much over the transport.
It is up to the friend to decide if it is worth her while sorting the transport, in order to have a free weekend away.
If it is too difficult for her, then she can say "Thanks, but no thanks" and life goes on.
This isn't getting her to a dying relative or some other once in a lifetime thing that is happening to her, it is the offer of a weekend away which will cost her train fare and travel time - totally up to the friend if the 'reward' is worth the 'effort'.

Plus, remember if you don't drive, the idea of getting a train somewhere isn't quite so horrific as it seems to be for some people who it sounds like they consider getting a train to be quite so traumatic.