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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult DC ended up in hospital after night out...AIBU?

183 replies

Athenea · 26/02/2022 11:31

DC (early 20s) went out this week. Didn't come home - which isn't unusual, sometimes crashes at a mates house.

In the morning I get a call from DC, who's in hospital. No idea how they got there, last memory is being in the pub very drunk around 11.30pm, then woke up/ came to in hospital around 5am. Lost their phone (a member of staff kindly allowed them to use their device to call me).

DC eventually made it back from the hospital about 10.30am. Spent most of the day sleeping. Fine now except clearly fell over as cuts and bruises on their face (looks like they've faceplanted something rather than been assaulted or in a fight thankfully). And financially worse off as lost their phone and now have to replace it.

Since lockdown DC has been out a few times and come home in a state but never anything as bad as this.

My partner thinks I should take a firm line and that this is really worrying behaviour, DC clearly doesn't know their limits with alcohol and this is dangerous. At the same time I've got other family saying well it's what young people do...and DC's friends in their group chat are all 'typical you' 'you're such a liability 🤦‍♀️😊' etc. I have explained to DC how upset I was they ended up in hospital - when I got the call in the morning I was nearly sick it made me so anxious - but I don't want to go overboard. I do think it's given DC a wake up call anyway, and I don't want to make it worse.

AIBU not to read the riot act? Or how would you deal with it?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 26/02/2022 11:34

At the mo I'd give them the look and tell them it was bloody stupid then leave it at that. In a few days I'd have a quiet conversation about your concern about what happened.

I wouldn't allow dc to make light of it or pass it off as funny. I'd maintain my crossed/pissed off air until I'd talked to them in a few days.

girlmom21 · 26/02/2022 11:35

I'd tell them the risks they're taking by getting so drunk, but other than that they're an adult.

velvet24 · 26/02/2022 11:36

Id have a chat and make sure they know its not right but at that age its very difficult

Noisyprat · 26/02/2022 11:41

Your DC needs to understand the wider implication of this, not only of course to their own safety, health and self respect.

I think the NHS have enough to do without having to sort out drunks, perhaps something for DC to think about.

velvet24 · 26/02/2022 11:44

@Noisyprat

Your DC needs to understand the wider implication of this, not only of course to their own safety, health and self respect.

I think the NHS have enough to do without having to sort out drunks, perhaps something for DC to think about.

True but a 20 year old wont see it that way I'm afraid
Furrydogmum · 26/02/2022 11:44

We found our 19&1/2 son passed out in the front garden over the Christmas period - thought he was dead! He was a dead weight to get into the house and he spent the day mainly sleeping it off with a few vomiting intervals.. I didn't shout at him but I told him he needed to grow up - I wouldn't trust him to stay home alone with my pets for example if we were going on holiday. However, if he'd gone away to uni I probably wouldn't have known! No point shouting, just hope he's learned his lesson - I did point out that boys are as vulnerable as girls when they get into that state, and I don't sleep easy now when he goes out.

velvet24 · 26/02/2022 11:46

Yep we had to practically carry the 19 year old home from a party as was so drunk, my friends son same age passed out on the frontdoor step trying to open the door with this bank card...............

picklemewalnuts · 26/02/2022 11:46

I'd ask them to consider whether it could be the start of a drinking issue, especially as friends are saying 'typical you!'.

It clearly isn't a one off, it's how they tend to react to alcohol. Some people can't drink to excess- they can't tell when two drinks turns into 20. When tipsy veers across to blotto.

It's unfortunate, but they are going to need to work out their ' safe stop point' and never risk going above it.

It's clear on MN some people struggle with occasional binge drinking. They end up wetting the bed, getting lost and disappearing, staying out all night with no memory of what happened..... or ending up in hospital.

They make themselves very vulnerable, and they make their partner miserable.

It's something to take very seriously.

velvet24 · 26/02/2022 11:47

@picklemewalnuts

I'd ask them to consider whether it could be the start of a drinking issue, especially as friends are saying 'typical you!'.

It clearly isn't a one off, it's how they tend to react to alcohol. Some people can't drink to excess- they can't tell when two drinks turns into 20. When tipsy veers across to blotto.

It's unfortunate, but they are going to need to work out their ' safe stop point' and never risk going above it.

It's clear on MN some people struggle with occasional binge drinking. They end up wetting the bed, getting lost and disappearing, staying out all night with no memory of what happened..... or ending up in hospital.

They make themselves very vulnerable, and they make their partner miserable.

It's something to take very seriously.

Oh come on, its very normal for that age, I'm sure we all did it , I know I certainly did as many friends at 19/20/21 and I don't have drinking problem! My own teens have done it too, not ideal but it happens.
Frazzled2207 · 26/02/2022 11:48

What @Noisyprat said. Make it clear you’re not impressed but wait a few days for a proper chat

On the positive side. Whereas I didn’t end in hospital I did do some bloody stupid things as a young adult. Including a brush with police. The latter incident I’m pleased happened as it made me determined for it never to happen again. I am now 43 and turned out fine.

Seeline · 26/02/2022 11:51

Has he actually managed to piece together what happened? Have his mates told him how/why he ended up at the hospital? I think the reasons for that might influence my reactions. If he tripped and fell without actually being blind drunk, or had his drink spiked for example.

However, if he is in his 20s I'm not sure there is much you can do apart from a reminder that while he is living at home you have certain expectations about not coming home/letting you know etc.

merrymouse · 26/02/2022 11:54

I wouldn’t ‘read the riot act’ - they are an adult and can just ignore you.

I would have an honest discussion about your concerns and what it was like to be called from a hospital.

Most people don’t wake up in a hospital without their phone, and even with all the light hearted ‘typical you’ comments I expect the friends know this.

bigbluebus · 26/02/2022 11:59

Definitely needs reminding of how vulnerable he made himself and what worse things could have happened apart from losing his phone. There have been a number of alcohol related deaths in our town due to people becoming disorientated when drunk and drowning in the river.

Original poster
Athenea · 26/02/2022 11:59

No idea how it happened. Was with a friend in the pub til 11.30. Friend went to the loo and when they came back DC had gone - friend assumed they were making their own way home. DC remembers nothing between being in the pub and waking up in hospital.

DC didn't go to uni, I suspect all this might've been worse if they had. I definitely got into a state in my late teens but by 21 I'd started to know my limits. DC clearly has no idea. It's been worse since all the lockdowns etc, now when DC goes out it's much less often and they get in a real state Sad

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 26/02/2022 12:01

I'd bollock my 20 year old into next week, if she ended up so pissed that she needed to take up a hospital bed.

NeverChange · 26/02/2022 12:01

The only one of my friends who ended up in hospital from drink at that age is now an alcoholic.

Yes, thecrest of us had many drunken nights and the occasional close call but I would take this as a warning sign.

I would have the conversation, it may fall on deaf ears but aI would still have it. DS, does what happened you not concern or frighten you? Are you going to look at your drinking etc?

It might be a one off, it might be a sign of things to come. No one knows but I wouldn't just brush it under the carpet.

maddening · 26/02/2022 12:04

"- I did point out that boys are as vulnerable as girls when they get into that state"

Whilst they are physically as vulnerable a number if factors mean that girls/women are more vulnerable such as their size - easier to pick up and move, and also less able to fight back if they did come to making them an easier target. Also the percentage of potential male perpetrators who would seek out /take the opportunity of a male victim is lower as the percentage of homosexual/bisexual men is lower than hetero, so the likelihood of falling victim is higher for girls/women

itsnotdeep · 26/02/2022 12:05

I think this would or should act as a wake up call to them that they can't end up getting so drunk they end up in hospital with no memory.

As your child lives with you, you could just have a gentle talk with them, rather than a bollocking.

I do have children at university so I don't know what they do when they go out. I would say that accidents like this are common.

I note you're careful to keep the sex of your child out of this, but I would be probably be more concerned if my daughter was getting into this state than my son.

Bunce1 · 26/02/2022 12:06

Passed out drunk at a mates house- sort of normal

Ending up in hospital- not normal.

WeirdlyKind · 26/02/2022 12:07

I'd be worried about his drink being spiked. Happened to me once in uni and what you're saying sounds horribly familiar. I still can't remember anything and it was 15+ years ago.

Scbchl · 26/02/2022 12:07

Realistically its not normal to be hospitalised. Was she defo not spiked?

DePfeffoff · 26/02/2022 12:08

DS did something like this once, and his friends called an ambulance for him. I was mortified, not least because I felt the ambulance people had much better things to do with their time, but they were great. I remember they told me that kids who do this are incredibly vulnerable, because when someone is lurching home drunk they're a natural target for thieves and thugs.

To his credit, DS was very ashamed and went off to thank and apologise to the nurses of his own volition. We had a fairly gentle chat when he felt better, partly using the information the paramedics had given me, and to his credit he has never done anything remotely similar since.

LostMyLastHatfulOfWords · 26/02/2022 12:10

Parenting this age group is difficult in its own ways!

I'd not bother with being angry- trying to discipline but I wouldn't make light of it either. (I'd be sympathetic about the expense of replacing the phone but clear that this was a natural consequence of DCs own choices.)

I'd probably ask what DC might be doing for the hospital in return for their non-accidental need of it. Raising money - helping out as a volunteer there- that sort of thing. (Yes , the NHS is there for us whenever we need it regardless of whether we deserve it - thank goodness -but it would seem fair to make reparation in some way.)

toomuchlaundry · 26/02/2022 12:11

Need to point out if he gets too drunk he might not be able to assess correctly whether a partner is giving consent

How has he reacted to this incident?

CounsellorTroi · 26/02/2022 12:11

I remember they told me that kids who do this are incredibly vulnerable, because when someone is lurching home drunk they're a natural target for thieves and thugs.

And worse, especially if they are female. Also they could lurch out into the road and get hit by a car.