Adult DC ended up in hospital after night out...AIBU?

[Athenea]

DC (early 20s) went out this week. Didn't come home - which isn't unusual, sometimes crashes at a mates house.

In the morning I get a call from DC, who's in hospital. No idea how they got there, last memory is being in the pub very drunk around 11.30pm, then woke up/ came to in hospital around 5am. Lost their phone (a member of staff kindly allowed them to use their device to call me).

DC eventually made it back from the hospital about 10.30am. Spent most of the day sleeping. Fine now except clearly fell over as cuts and bruises on their face (looks like they've faceplanted something rather than been assaulted or in a fight thankfully). And financially worse off as lost their phone and now have to replace it.

Since lockdown DC has been out a few times and come home in a state but never anything as bad as this.

My partner thinks I should take a firm line and that this is really worrying behaviour, DC clearly doesn't know their limits with alcohol and this is dangerous. At the same time I've got other family saying well it's what young people do...and DC's friends in their group chat are all 'typical you' 'you're such a liability 🤦‍♀️😊' etc. I have explained to DC how upset I was they ended up in hospital - when I got the call in the morning I was nearly sick it made me so anxious - but I don't want to go overboard. I do think it's given DC a wake up call anyway, and I don't want to make it worse.

AIBU not to read the riot act? Or how would you deal with it?

How is DC funding this?
Would it be better if they move out and have more responsibility?

30% of all night admissions to A&E are drunk. That's an appalling waste of NHS resources.

If my kid had done this, she'd have had the bollocking to end all bollockings.

And those of you saying it's normal, I hope you never need an ambulance in a real emergency while all available crews are tied up dealing with drunks!

One off leave them to it there adults a regular thing then address it .

I was a massive piss head and got into some awful situations as did many many of my friends. However, none of us ended up in hospital. Some had to be retrieved from a body of water. Some had to visit the the hospital the next day to patched up. This does sound a bit extreme even to me. Give him a bollocking as your his mum. Hopefully he's shocked himself into being a bit more careful.

Tally up what you spent that was not meant to be a gift and send him a text “your part of pay weekend is £250.”

Have recently been in a similar situation with my oldest teen, although didn't end up in hospital thankfully. I'd be pissed off and make it clear to them why. We live in a city with a river and a canal running through the centre and there have been fatalities from young people being drunk and falling in.

It's hard because of their age, they might be an adult but they clearly still need guidance. The financial penalty of having to replace their phone is a lesson - they wouldn't want to be doing that after every night out! It's not unusual to have a blow out, but it's still stupid, tell them to grow up and learn their limits.

I'm a very light drinker (or abstainer) due to having a low alcohol tolerance and being the type of woman who feels the need to be alert and in control of myself. A slightly younger cousin who is cleverer, more qualified and painfully studious just seems to throw herself to the wind on a Friday or Saturday night. Pre-Covid at least she was in the library etc. doing PhD work and then home studying late during the week. Then weekend shitfacery seemed to be the norm.

It used to scare me, but I wasn't present. Then I got the jokey text on a Saturday morning saying she was still in hospital and that it was suspected that her drink was spiked with two drugs.

Don't rule out spiking OP. Probably not that, but males can fall victim to it too I am sure.

I've seen this happen once and it turned out their drink was spiked. Awful experience for them - please consider this before reading the riot act.

The first thing that jumped into my mind wasn't excessive drinking but whether they had had their drink spiked. The fact that there is no memory at all of getting from the pub to the hospital - did he get himself there or did someone bring him? Could the medical or security staff help with that bit???

I'd just mention that you are rather disappointed that this happened, and you hope that it is a lesson learned.

No point in making any more of it. They have either learned their lesson, in which case it won't happen again; or they haven't - in which case whatever you say won't make a difference to their future conduct anyway.

to my knowledge, 2 of my dcs friends have ended up in hospital after drinking - one decided to sledge (into a tree) and the other decided that it would be a really good idea to go on an electric scooter.

they don't realise how much alcohol affects your judgment. And that's even before the risk of sexual assault is considered.

When I was a student one of my friends friends died crossing a road when pissed.

Take a firm line, read the riot act.. unlikely to work unless your DC is amenable. Probably wouldn't work with a teen but with an adult?

What might help is to ask them what they can do to avoid a repeat, help develop a better understanding of their limits and so on, if they are unable to control their drinking. Might be an idea to understand when they detached from their friends and why their friends didn't wonder what happened. Their friends might be sick of having the problem but not good friends if abandoned your DC.

Good luck.

I did a lot of binge drinking when I was young. My father (who died the year before DC was born) had an alcohol problem in his 20s and 30s and was drinking a bottle of spirits most days - he rarely drank in later life I never saw him drunk but I do wonder if there's something genetic in it, that we're more likely to drink to excess?

I do think it was DC drinking rather than being spiked. They have been in a similar state when out locally but usually either have their friends to get them home, or phone an Uber. They were too far from home to call (even before they lost the phone) and obviously had lost their friend too.

DC said the hospital staff were really lovely, DC woke up about 5am and asked to leave, but they told DC to go back to sleep and wait til morning. I did say to DC they were bloody lucky to get a bed and I'm a bit annoyed they might've taken one from someone in need but DC said there were a few empty beds so I think missed my point.

Had similar close call with one of my dc once at a similar age to yours.

Was not impressed at all and pointed out the risks of not knowing limits etc and mows the time to start learning them.

Happened recently with another of my dc but thankfully I got called and looked after them all night and was furious the next morning for safety reasons.

A family member of mine died due to aspirating their own vomit after a normal night out

It's not nice but it's a real risk

Similar happened to a friend of my niece's. She only had 2 drinks but the second drink must have been spiked. Her friends took her to hospital because she was almost unconscious. She slept most of next day then was released. If she had not been with sensible friends who look put for each other she would probably have been raped and dumped somewhere.

Oh come on, its very normal for that age, I'm sure we all did it , I know I certainly did as many friends at 19/20/21 and I don't have drinking problem!

Umm…no we didn’t. Not a single one of my friends ended up in hospital from drinking too much.

I'm wondering if OP's DC is a young woman and if the advice might differ if she were.

Haven't RTFT but I think it's useful to know if DC is male or female.

The implications of getting that drunk you end up in hospital with cuts and bruises and no memory can be way more long-term if DC is female.

Young people do it, so its not really about the drinking. It's more a case of needing to hammer home how dangerous it is to get that drunk.

I've got other family saying well it's what young people do.
I used to drink a lot when I was your child's age. A lot. I never ended up in hospital. I don't know anyone's child that ended up in hospital. Ambulances get called for passed out drunks. Seriously ill people end up having to wait for ambulances and treatment in hospital. That's just the effect on others. For themselves they could be seriously assaulted or even die. I know a guy who choked on his own vomit after passing out from drink.
My child would know I was more than disappointed!

What was the make of mobile? If it's an iPhone, I'd use the 'Find my iPhone" option to see if it can be located. I'm not sure if it's possible to use some other tracker/tracing method for other makes/manufacturers of phone.

I hope he is replacing his own phone

@LookItsMeAgain

What was the make of mobile? If it's an iPhone, I'd use the 'Find my iPhone" option to see if it can be located. I'm not sure if it's possible to use some other tracker/tracing method for other makes/manufacturers of phone.

I was thinking that. If he didn't on this phone, it's certainly worth installing something comparable on the replacement.

I used to volunteer in a night-time SOS bus and we'd have dealt with at least 10 young people like this every night. Young people who urinated and defecated on themselves and were hugely at risk of assault and all sorts of dangers.
I'd really recommend volunteering on that type of project, it was eye opening.We had quite a few young volunteers and they learnt so much from the experience.

Very risky for all sorts of reasons. I would be furious.