Adult DC ended up in hospital after night out...AIBU?

[Athenea]

DC (early 20s) went out this week. Didn't come home - which isn't unusual, sometimes crashes at a mates house.

In the morning I get a call from DC, who's in hospital. No idea how they got there, last memory is being in the pub very drunk around 11.30pm, then woke up/ came to in hospital around 5am. Lost their phone (a member of staff kindly allowed them to use their device to call me).

DC eventually made it back from the hospital about 10.30am. Spent most of the day sleeping. Fine now except clearly fell over as cuts and bruises on their face (looks like they've faceplanted something rather than been assaulted or in a fight thankfully). And financially worse off as lost their phone and now have to replace it.

Since lockdown DC has been out a few times and come home in a state but never anything as bad as this.

My partner thinks I should take a firm line and that this is really worrying behaviour, DC clearly doesn't know their limits with alcohol and this is dangerous. At the same time I've got other family saying well it's what young people do...and DC's friends in their group chat are all 'typical you' 'you're such a liability 🤦‍♀️😊' etc. I have explained to DC how upset I was they ended up in hospital - when I got the call in the morning I was nearly sick it made me so anxious - but I don't want to go overboard. I do think it's given DC a wake up call anyway, and I don't want to make it worse.

AIBU not to read the riot act? Or how would you deal with it?

@Febrier there are risks either way maybe higher for a female but still risks regardless

That was my point Men are for more likely to be victims of violent assault and women far more likely to be victims of sexual violence.

* PinkSyCo Ambitious. A friend of mine was spiked, taken by ambulance from the bar, bouncers confirmed with the paramedics that she was not at all noticeably drunk prior to collapsing (she'd been out about 30 minutes and had half a glass of Prosecco).

The hospital didn't even bother to test her hmm

That’s awful! I am genuinely shocked at that.

Op this is prob not the forum to ask as people on here just like to pile in
There own kids could of been just as drink but just been lucky some of them have mentioned how drunk they have been but never been in hospital , that can also be down to luck or having good friends who look after you etc
Yes you def need to explain to them what could happen and maybe shown some real life stories , show how worried you are as well as disappointed , try and get them to understand the bigger picture

I'm not mentioning my DCs gender for their own privacy

DC has paid for their own phone since leaving school, so no I'm not making any contribution to the replacement.

@Febrier but both are still a risk and when talking to them you would mention every risk and of course the risk of alcohol poising which is very dangerous
The advice would be quite similar and I am sure OP can figure out which is more risky

@Febrier why do you care so much the OP doesn't have to state there are no rules

I don’t think gender is the main issue here, nor whether their drink was spiked. The point is that if anyone gets so drunk that they have no idea what’s happening, they’re extremely vulnerable. Whatever their gender, they’re at risk from being assaulted, raped, run over, choking on their vomit, etc. As you said, OP, I think you need to talk to them about how to stop drinking before they get to that stage.

I personally have been very drunk, but never to the point where I blacked out or had no recollection of events. Laughing inanely with my mates, room spinning when I lay down, still being drunk in the morning, yes; passing out, vomiting or wetting myself, no. Its not fun anymore when it gets to that stage.

You can only explain the gravity of this situation.

That this is absolutely not normal or acceptable.

And that do they really want to put themselves in these situations?

@Cameleongirl do you not think passing out is not dangerous though

@Cameleongirl sorry thought you said you had passed out
Thing is there are a few on here who have described being very drunk but said not as bad as OP dc but realistically they were

Yes, I do, that’s exactly what I’m saying. When someone gets to the stage that they’re passing out, vomiting, unable to control their bladder, that’s dangerous! I’ve never personally got that drunk.

Athenea

You could suggest changing their drink. I'd imagine with something like this they aren't just drinking a few beers. I had to stop drinking vodka nearly as soon as I started drinking, didn't agree with me at all, but no problem with whiskey or other shorts.

It still sounds like the OP's DC's drink was spiked. To not know anything until waking up in hospital after being unconscious for the best part of six hours sounds like there is more to it than being very drunk. Unless they were knocked out, in which case they might have concussion.

I hope this is a wake up call for them.

Everyone saying about women having their drinks spiked etc, have we all forgotten about this guy? Reynhard Sinaga: How the Manchester rapist found his victims www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50688975

Some of his victims didn’t know until the police told them.

@Cameleongirl yes i apologised said i misread it ,

@sparklefarts

I don't know why you're dismissing spiking?

To suddenly disappear on a friend and not have any memory for what 5.5 hours, is a major worry!

Did hosp blood sample?

And why are you being cagey as to whether male or female?

OP has already said that this (apart from the hospital bit) is a regular thing.

OP has already said that this (apart from the hospital bit) is a regular thing

even to the point of being unconscious for so long and not having any memory?

I have in the past been very drunk, but I have never lost consciousness through drinking, nor has it affected my memory.

I do think you need to have a chat calmly about all the things listed above.

My younger ds got very drunk after GCSE results. Lost phone and bike. I calmly told him I was seriously unimpressed.

Unless his drink was spiked - he was an unnecessary expense and burden on NHS. Did he have an ambulance too?
How much do these drinking binges cost him financially?
Perhaps he could save up for something instead - like his own house? (you know what Kirsty said)

I'm responding with my views based on my step DC's.

Three of the four would go out and stay out, often returning after a hospital visit, needing collecting, having signs of injury, police involvement. One now has a criminal record.

A night out escalated into staying out all night, grabbing some breakfast, then continuing to drink. They would go missing for days at a time, able to travel by bus or train from town to town, but not coming home. One slept in the station, one was found by one of our friends wandering our town, 'new' friends attached, days after going missing. We wandered a city looking for another.

One step-DC is fine, can go out, drink, party, be drunk, but stop when they've had enough. Normal drunken teenage stuff.

The other three, just not normal behaviour.

They have realised they just can't drink at all. Really no 'stop' button.

Dangerous in terms of losing property, being beaten up, falling over, being taken for a ride by others ( huge spending in pubs by 'friends').

Their mum has had issues with alcohol.

As late 20 year olds, they don't drink at all. They know they have alcoholic tendencies which can only be controlled by not drinking. One pint and that's it...

Scary stuff.

OP please watch and see. There is a marked difference between my four step DC's in their ability to control alcohol.

Does your DS have a stopping point, without it there are concerns.

When OP says They I thought she mant 2 of her kids. It was really confused. I don’t understand the use of they for a single person. The world is going crazy.

Maybe she could say child instead

@Holidays27

When OP says They I thought she mant 2 of her kids. It was really confused. I don’t understand the use of they for a single person. The world is going crazy.

Maybe she could say child instead

“I’ll ask the doctor and see what they say” “You are spending the weekend with your cousin, where do they live?” “We are meeting the new teacher tomorrow, I wonder if they will be friendly” “I wonder if that person knows they left their lights on”.

It’s easy enough to cope with “they” for a single person.

I did this, smashed my head open outside a club falling over.

My friend had to get me an ambulance, parents picked me up from the hospital.

They where very disappointed in me, but now 20+ years on I dont remember much about how they reacted so it so the reaction couldn't have been that bad.

I don't drink much now and don't crave drink. Was just young and stupid.

We all make mistakes.

Every single one of these incidents costs the NHS about £1000. I’d be making my DC save up to pay for it.