Adult DC ended up in hospital after night out...AIBU?

[Athenea]

DC (early 20s) went out this week. Didn't come home - which isn't unusual, sometimes crashes at a mates house.

In the morning I get a call from DC, who's in hospital. No idea how they got there, last memory is being in the pub very drunk around 11.30pm, then woke up/ came to in hospital around 5am. Lost their phone (a member of staff kindly allowed them to use their device to call me).

DC eventually made it back from the hospital about 10.30am. Spent most of the day sleeping. Fine now except clearly fell over as cuts and bruises on their face (looks like they've faceplanted something rather than been assaulted or in a fight thankfully). And financially worse off as lost their phone and now have to replace it.

Since lockdown DC has been out a few times and come home in a state but never anything as bad as this.

My partner thinks I should take a firm line and that this is really worrying behaviour, DC clearly doesn't know their limits with alcohol and this is dangerous. At the same time I've got other family saying well it's what young people do...and DC's friends in their group chat are all 'typical you' 'you're such a liability 🤦‍♀️😊' etc. I have explained to DC how upset I was they ended up in hospital - when I got the call in the morning I was nearly sick it made me so anxious - but I don't want to go overboard. I do think it's given DC a wake up call anyway, and I don't want to make it worse.

AIBU not to read the riot act? Or how would you deal with it?

Those who are saying they may have been spiked, or that it's a one off- the friends commented 'Just like you...' so not a one off. It's a pattern of the start of a problem.

It really does matter. They are so vulnerable. A young man I know died trying to walk home on a motorway.

I wouldn't do the riot act, no..

I would however, have a conversation at an appropriate moment, about binge drinking, and in particular, about getting into a state where you don't know what is happening, have memory losses, are incapable of making decisions, etc...

I would make it very clear that whilst friends may find your DC's behaviour entertaining now... it's quite likely that will wear off, and eventually they won't have anyone to step in and save their ass, care about where they've gone etc.

I remember this happening with several friends at around that age. We all got absolutely fed up of stopping them falling off stuff, getting run over, going home with the wrong people, patching them up when they hurt themselves, or worrying when they'd disappeared. One friend in particular had an awful habit of sleep-walking after getting drunk, and pissing over people who were asleep, thinking he was in the loo! He rapidly began to find invites to crash at other peoples homes, or indeed invites to stay at his, were declined!

No bunch of friends will want to babysit your DC every single time!

@WhackingPhoenix I don’t think the drink was spiked at all. The DCs friends comments allude to a pattern of beyond limits. Blaming it on spiking with zero evidence of this, is avoiding all responsibility. It’s way way more likely that for whatever reason, the DC has lost sight of boundaries with alcohol. It’s very common and often takes a reality check like winding up in hospital with no memory to get the wheels of change in motion. Suggesting someone may have spiked the drink gives someone a great excuse to ignore their behaviour and carry on as they were…

Friends saying it's typical is very worrying. I hope waking up in hospital is a wake up call.

@winkingawalrus I don't think they meant the hospital part is normal
But if you and your friends have been sick or fell over its luck you Haven't been in hospital, if you fell and banged your head that would mean a hospital visit , and read io what being sick from alcohol actually means

@OneMoreHobnobPlease happened to my dh we think years ago , he had only Had a couple of pints then suddenly lost control of his legs and just really bad
I had drunk way more than him and was fine , he went from normal to bad really quickly

@PinkSyCo Ambitious. A friend of mine was spiked, taken by ambulance from the bar, bouncers confirmed with the paramedics that she was not at all noticeably drunk prior to collapsing (she'd been out about 30 minutes and had half a glass of Prosecco).

The hospital didn't even bother to test her

HRTWT. Your son has chosen to go out and get hammered. He no doubt ended up in hospital by ambulance (£90/mile), I have no idea what he had done in hospital- but none of it was ‘free’. The NHS is a finite resource. People with cancer or other life threatening illnesses will get lesser treatment because of your son- both in A&E where drs and nurses are caring for him and giving less care to others who are more deserving and in the context of the wider finances of the NHS. Drunk people in A&E are often disruptive and even violent. If it was my child I’d absolutely be reading the riot act. (A&E dr).

I’d have a talk about the family history with alcohol, and how heavy drinking isn’t advisable for some people in particular. Also about how they don’t want to become “that person”: the one who’s always too drunk and stops being invited to things.
I think reading the riot act is pointless and a sensible discussion in a couple of days makes more sense.

Is DC male or female?

@Athenea,for goodness sake!! Just say if child is male or female,why the secrecy?

@Disfordragon you could say that about many things though couldn't you, we have a & e to treat people in all circumstances
He didn't intend to end up there did he
Bit harsh for and a & e dr and some drunks have other issues that cause them to be like that in the first place ,
Yes she should explain and make him understand and maybe the hospital have already spoken to him

@480Widdio why is it important?

[quote 480Widdio]@Athenea,for goodness sake!! Just say if child is male or female,why the secrecy?[/quote]
I agree!

“Oh but men and women are the same so why is it relevant?”….yaaaawwwn

@Disfordragon but many people have got drunk and its often luck they haven't ended up in a & ev, fallen over but been lucky and just scuffed knees but could of been worse
Vomiting , could of choked
And as a dr you know when its considered to be alcohol poisoning , I was surprised when i read it

Thanks for all the responses. I don't think DC was spiked and they don't either, they'd been drinking for 6 hours and had only eaten 1 meal. Poor combination. Although they remember being in the pub at 11.30, DC does acknowledge at that point they were very drunk. I think they went outside probably to use their phone (pub was packed, loud music etc), dropped phone and fell over trying to pick it up, or something like that.

The phone was located on find my iphone quite near the pub. It's a good 90 mins from here (other side of London) so DC has blocked it remotely, and got a replacement one through their cover which was lucky.

In terms of DC moving out, not really an option at present, it's very expensive here, a flat is £1000 per month plus bills, even a shared room is £700. DCs car costs them £400 a month and they only earn about £1200 net so they'd struggle to afford anywhere, hence still living at home like their friends.

I have lots of alcohol at home but I rarely drink (only on nights out and I only ever go out 3-4 times a year!) and DC rarely drinks at home either unless friends are round, or on holiday or Christmas. My other DC are pretty much teetotal.

I definitely think they don't know their limits, I will certainly have a discussion with them about that.

@Thereisnolight why does it matter , would you feel more sympathetic if female than a male
Will it typical mn oh well thats what men are like
Risk is there for both

There is a post on here, where the mother is grieving as her young son got drunk fell off a roof & died.
She is broken.
Your child needs to stop making an absolute fool of him/herself, wasting money getting bladdered, getting into danger.
Does he/she have a salary ?
Do not replace the phone. Time to take responsibility for being a drunken disgrace

@480Widdio why is it important?

Well the risks are pretty sex-specific.

I wonder why the OP is being so cagey about the sex/gender of their DC? Would the answers be different if they weren't?

@Febrier there are risks either way maybe higher for a female but still risks regardless

@getsomehelp at no point has op said she pays or will replace the phone ffs

I'd give my 20&23 yr olds a bollocking about wasting nhs resources and a mild lecture about safe drinking levels but beyond that it's on them at that age.

OP is either testing MN or is respecting their child’s request not to be described by their sex.
It is distracting though.

I'm not mentioning my DCs gender for their own privacy. That said, as mentioned I have experience of drinking to excess myself (I am female) and also am aware of my father doing this before I was born, so I can appreciate the risks for either gender which are slightly different but equally serious.