Adult DC ended up in hospital after night out...AIBU?

[Athenea]

DC (early 20s) went out this week. Didn't come home - which isn't unusual, sometimes crashes at a mates house.

In the morning I get a call from DC, who's in hospital. No idea how they got there, last memory is being in the pub very drunk around 11.30pm, then woke up/ came to in hospital around 5am. Lost their phone (a member of staff kindly allowed them to use their device to call me).

DC eventually made it back from the hospital about 10.30am. Spent most of the day sleeping. Fine now except clearly fell over as cuts and bruises on their face (looks like they've faceplanted something rather than been assaulted or in a fight thankfully). And financially worse off as lost their phone and now have to replace it.

Since lockdown DC has been out a few times and come home in a state but never anything as bad as this.

My partner thinks I should take a firm line and that this is really worrying behaviour, DC clearly doesn't know their limits with alcohol and this is dangerous. At the same time I've got other family saying well it's what young people do...and DC's friends in their group chat are all 'typical you' 'you're such a liability 🤦‍♀️😊' etc. I have explained to DC how upset I was they ended up in hospital - when I got the call in the morning I was nearly sick it made me so anxious - but I don't want to go overboard. I do think it's given DC a wake up call anyway, and I don't want to make it worse.

AIBU not to read the riot act? Or how would you deal with it?

My ds got drunk a few times.
The worst was when the taxi driver kindly walked him up our drive and knocked on the door.
I say kindly he didn’t ask for any fare and ds wallet was empty.
The next day ds was annoyingly chipper.
Dh and I asked him what had happened, he couldn’t remember.

We explained to him that if he was accused of being in a fight or theft or god forbid sexual assault he would be in no place to defend himself because he wouldn’t know.
That getting so drunk put him in a very vulnerable position.

It seemed to work because to my knowledge he’s never done it again.

As others have said hopefully it's a wakeup call. Once at uni I got so utterly pissed I couldn't stand up and wanted to die for about three days. I have never been physically able to drink like that again. Yes I have been pissec and sick and fallen o er since. But I know now when it's been one drink too far and however pissed I am I stop. The reality of feeling like death and knowing you cant defend yourself is actually scary. I could have been abducted I wouldnt have been able even use my phone. Never ever again. It's part of growing up for some people.

I'd have gone for disappointed rather than bollocking too - far more effective.

But my main question in this is - where are the friends ?
I have 3 young adults in their 20s and none would be left alone by friends on a night out.

No, it isn't normal for people to end up in hospital or commonly pass out or not know where they are. Some do. A&E is full of drunks, particularly at the weekend (and by no means are these all teens and early 20s), but let's not normalise this and say it is what they do.
I'm sure a pretty high % drink too much once, or occasionally, but not a weekly habit.

Wait a few days then lay down the biological facts of what alcohol does to the body. It can depress functions like breathing so that eventually you stop breathing.
Something like this (copied from a medical site):

Drinking too much and too quickly can lead to significant impairments in motor coordination, decision-making, impulse control, and other functions, increasing the risk of harm. Continuing to drink despite clear signs of significant impairments can result in an alcohol overdose.

What Is an Alcohol Overdose?
An alcohol overdose occurs when there is so much alcohol in the bloodstream that areas of the brain controlling basic life-support functions—such as breathing, heart rate, and temperature control—begin to shut down. Symptoms of alcohol overdose include mental confusion, difficulty remaining conscious, vomiting, seizure, trouble breathing, slow heart rate, clammy skin, dulled responses such as no gag reflex (which prevents choking), and extremely low body temperature. Alcohol overdose can lead to permanent brain damage or death.

Ask him which point he thinks he got to.

Also there was that horrendous case of a prolific rapist of around 200 young men in Manchester.

He needs frightening a bit to the realities of what could happen.

Agree with PP the DC’s sex is relevant here. Why haven’t you said OP?

I was going to ask if a history of alcoholism in the family as genetics could play a part.

It is not normal to end up in hospital. I hate how we have normalised such extreme drinking, it's more unique to the UK.

I think he needs to know he isn't in control and his drinking is past the "fun" stage. He will need to learn his limits but also why does he feel the need to drink to excess.

He's in his 20s and should be maturing..otherwise he will just be another pisshead partner/husband/dad/ in 10 years. (Wife, mum if female)

At what age does he think he needs to have more control over alchol

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-60485804
Janet Devlin has been involved in some interesting work around alcohol and young people. She is an alcoholic herself and comments on how it was mistakenly regarded as normal. This programme will be available on iPlayer after 28/02

Completely missing the point about empty beds-they dont know why tey were empty or how many staff are on

if they dont even care about wasting the nhs resources theres not much hope

At the mo I'd give them the look and tell them it was bloody stupid then leave it at that. In a few days I'd have a quiet conversation about your concern about what happened.
I wouldn't allow dc to make light of it or pass it off as funny. I'd maintain my crossed/pissed off air until I'd talked to them in a few days.

This. And I'd make him buy his own new phone, if he doesn't have funds, I'd get him a cheap talk & text til he can afford a proper replacement. With his friends saying 'typical you', it raises red flags and I think your partner's right to want you to take a firm line. Do you really want to be saying 'if only I'd said something' if there's a next time with more serious consequences?

I'd be fuming. Wasting NHS resources and time, they could of had an accident and died - this happens a lot more than people think I know someone who has severe brain damage because he was hit by a car while drunk. someone could of taken advantage of them etc etc.
I don't understand why people drink themselves into a oblivion, yes young people like a drink (well most) but not to the point where they don't know what the hell they're doing.

They'd be told that they needed to grow the fuck up. It's not normal to drink so much that you end up in hospital not knowing how you got there.

Were there friends around?

I couldn’t live with someone who made a habit of getting into such a state after drinking too much. If your DC can afford to spend so much on alcohol they can afford to move out into a rented room. I’d be insisting that they either make plans to leave or stop drinking completely if they wanted to stay in my home.

We had a phone call from the police at 1am a couple of months ago to say they had found our 22 year old son slumped barely conscious through drink. Police were great, would not leave him until dh got there to pick him up as they were worried he could be mugged or worse.
DS was rightly mortified and has not even been out in town since ( he rarely goes drinking ). Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone ! My ds aged 21 gets in a state quite a bit too but is more used to drinking so handles it better.

@Noisyprat

Your DC needs to understand the wider implication of this, not only of course to their own safety, health and self respect.

I think the NHS have enough to do without having to sort out drunks, perhaps something for DC to think about.

I don’t think that ‘thinking about the NHS’ has ever stopped anyone from drinking tbh.

Early 20s? Give them a break! It's not great to be using up nhs resources . That would annoy me but it sounds like fairly normal behaviour not s drinking problem. Unless it's happening all the time then let it go.

I don't know why you're dismissing spiking?

To suddenly disappear on a friend and not have any memory for what 5.5 hours, is a major worry!

Did hosp blood sample?

And why are you being cagey as to whether male or female?

OP, is this your daughter? You have been avoiding saying he/she.

I always think one conversation where you quietly express your concern and disappointment is always the most effective.

I notice you are using non-binary pronouns for your DC. Are they struggling with their identity perhaps?

Also, how do you know what's being said in their group chat? Are you reading their phone?

The problem here is that they are an adult. You can’t lay down the law etc etc bevause they are not 17yo anymore.

But you can talk about the risks, how disappointed you are and how unacceptable this is. Basically make it socially unacceptable to be that drunk. Works even better when friends are taking a similar line (it seems that none of them are getting as hammered as that?).

I think all the talk about not remembering what has happened means that they are leaving themselves wide open to be accused of rape etc.. (if a man) or being raped but unable to do anything about it (woman and even for a man too) is a good idea.

I would have a word with him. See if he sees it and acknowledges it as a wake up call or just shrugs it off.
I had a word with someone of that sort of age and they replied to say that I should see how much their friends drunk .

I’d not read riot act
I’d sit them down and have a concerned chat though

It’s normal for young ones to drink too much but it’s never normal to black out or end up in hospital especially more than once. ‘Gentle’ chats do nothing, you need to show the worst case scenario of things that could happen and show them the reality of the state they are getting into.

Weirdly written OP.

Is your DC non-binary? It really doesn't matter how they identify, if they are female-bodied then they are at great risk of assault if they drink to the point of passing out.

Sorry for assuming him.see you put dc