DP upset about ‘secret’ name change

[HamstersAteMySandwich]

I’ve always disliked my first name as I felt it was too cutesy for me, and have never felt any connection to my last name as I didn’t have the best relationship with my dad. When I was 22, I decided to change my entire name (brand new first/middle name, made my last name-sounding middle name my last name) via deed poll. That was more than 10 years ago.

Today, DP and I were sorting out some documents and we stumbled upon my birth certificate. We talked about it, all was fine.

Just before bed she confessed that she felt like I had hid things from her, especially with my ‘made up’ last name (she had a brief interest in genealogy but back then she was merely doing her own family tree and it was early on in the relationship). It’s never been a secret it’s just something that hasn’t come up since the last time someone called me it was way back when I was in year 8 or so.

Am I in the wrong here? She doesn’t want to talk about this and has gone to bed but now I can’t sleep.

post edited to remove identifying details, as requested by the OP.

OP your 'D'P doesn't 'do conflict', they do do protracted festering and that's worse.

It's unhealthy.

Would your DP consider counselling to get to the bottom of why they react like this? Because it's basically a flounce and sulk situation which I'd expect from a child of primary school age, but not from an adult in a relationship.

I don't like conflict either, I really don't enjoy raised voices and aggressive behaviour but I deal with this by talking it though at the point it occurs. You know... like a reasonable person.

Ugh, I had an ex who used to ignore me if I did something he didn't like. It's emotional abuse, and for it to go on this long is just awful.

sorry like i said thats abuse now

is this going to be a thing everytime you have an argument

I changed my hideous first name when when I was 18 due to being relentlessly bullied at school. I couldn’t go anywhere in the small town where I grew up without kids jeering and making stupid noises and still suffer from PTSD about this. I told my husband and regret doing this as he then told his family. I really wanted to keep the whole thing a secret because and because I’ve lived with my name more years than I lived with my birth name feel there’s no need for people to know. People who change their names often want to sever all connections with their former name and by feeling they have to tell people are never allowed to do this. It also
makes you feel a lot worse when people make a thing of it and it gives then license to dead name you.