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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD- BIL has ‘spoiled’ dh weekend away

285 replies

LoveDaisy · 25/02/2022 12:33

DH’s brother surprised him a few weeks ago with a weekend stay following an outdoor event that will take up most of the day. It was so they could have some quality time away and as gift for dh, he paid for mostly everything. His brother had booked it for a weekend where Dh and I was supposed to celebrate an anniversary so, we changed dates so he could go on the trip. For context, Dh absolutely deserves some time away for himself, so no issue with the trip itself although the timing was off, I was ok changing the dates for him.

Dd was teething this week and ended up with a nasty cold which has meant little sleep for us all. I’ve now caught her cold on top of the infection I have which I’m antibiotics for. So I’m feeling like I’m on my knees trying to push through. But now dh has called to say he is disappointed in his brother… as he has booked tickets for their nephews too (their sister’s children age 3 &4) and had no intention of telling dh! It slipped out and Dh is now saying the vibe of the whole trip has completely changed. It’s not quality time, it’s baby sitting for a weekend. Nephew (3) is not potty trained and they both have never stayed away from their parents. Brother in law has a tendency to do this kind of thing 🙄
With myself and dd sick and the two toddlers attending, Dh is torn as he wants to cancel but his brother has spent a lot of money. The trip is for this weekend and dh has only just found out now, despite his brother booking over a week ago.

OP posts:
Teeturtle · 25/02/2022 12:36

Perhaps he thought it would be nice to spend time with the nephews?

I cannot imagine myself cancelling something because I found out my young niece was attending.

SNUG2022 · 25/02/2022 12:37

Sly bastard.

BluebellsGreenbells · 25/02/2022 12:39

So BIL is babysitting and has roped DH into helping him as a gift - lovely.

I’d cancel. Tell BIL he can find another friend to go with.

What’s the activity?

smorgasbords · 25/02/2022 12:40

Mmm yeah that’s sly.

It’s a totally different trip now than planned. I’d probably not go, BIL can bring someone else to help look after the kids.

Beees · 25/02/2022 12:40

I'm not surprised he is cross about it. They aren't even his kids so why is he taking them on a weekend away when DH is leaving his own child to attend.

It does not take a genius to work out that it will completely change the dynamic and in all honesty it sounds like it will be a complete waste of a weekend away not to mention stressful and likely to end in tears if they are looking after 2 small children away from home and their parents with none of their stuff to keep them entertained.

If I were your DH I'd be pulling out.

ClariceQuiff · 25/02/2022 12:41

So these are not BIL's children but your SIL's? Presumably he thought if he was OK with it so would your DH be.

coodawoodashooda · 25/02/2022 12:41

@SNUG2022

Sly bastard.
I would go but not stay the night
Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2022 12:41

Yep.
BIL has agreed to babysit and wants some help
I would cancel in your DH shoes

IsDaveThere · 25/02/2022 12:42

I cannot imagine myself cancelling something because I found out my young niece was attending.

I can and I would not be happy about it either. A trip away with my brother would not be the same as a trip away with my brother and a couple of toddlers, totally different!

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 25/02/2022 12:43

Cfery at it's best...
Your dh should be at home looking after his own family.

Drivingmisspotty · 25/02/2022 12:44

Can DH take your DD as well and give you the weekend to rest?

SmellyOldOwls · 25/02/2022 12:44

YANBU but you could use this to your advantage, get DH to take your kids so you get a rest this weekend, kids all get to play together, DH and brother spend some time together?

Freddiefox · 25/02/2022 12:44

Why did he feel
The need to take his sister children? What’s going on for her?

Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2022 12:45

@Teeturtle

Perhaps he thought it would be nice to spend time with the nephews?

I cannot imagine myself cancelling something because I found out my young niece was attending.

I can totally imagine myself doing that
Dishwashersaurous · 25/02/2022 12:47

That's actually a great idea. He takes your children, then the brothers can spend the weekend looking after the young children and you can rest and recover

negomi90 · 25/02/2022 12:47

If an unpotty trained 3 year old can go, then your dd can go.
He takes DD, doesn't disappoint his brother and you get a recovery weekend.
Win, win, win.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/02/2022 12:51

I was going to say the same, your dd should go too in these circumstances. Then you can rest and recover whilst they look after all three kids and spend some quality time with them.

Unless your dd is a mainly breast fed baby?

Then you and your DH have an adults only trip another time, assuming someone can care for your dd.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/02/2022 12:53

I would absolutely cancel if I were your husband. His brother needs to be taught that certain behaviours have consequences.

Georgeskitchen · 25/02/2022 12:54

So the lads weekend away has now morphed into looking after 2 very young children, one in nappies? Is BIL taking the piss?

whiteroseredrose · 25/02/2022 12:55

@SmellyOldOwls

YANBU but you could use this to your advantage, get DH to take your kids so you get a rest this weekend, kids all get to play together, DH and brother spend some time together?

This!

GabriellaMontez · 25/02/2022 12:55

Omg! Surprise! Your weekend away is babysitting a couple of pre schoolers!

When was he going to tell him? GTF. Cheeky bastard

BoodleBug51 · 25/02/2022 12:56

Pack yours off too with DH.

Simples.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 25/02/2022 12:56

I reckon it went like this:
Sil 'dear bro, please will you babysit the kids weekend of X as I have plans to go (insert venue)
DB 'fuck, I don't fancy looking after two toddlers all weekend.
'Hey dear bro, I've arranged a lovely trip for you do we can have a lovely bonding weekend"

Gizacluethen · 25/02/2022 12:57

Can he take DD with him? Give you a break and he gets another weekend of his choosing to do something by himself?
They've already got two young kids, why not another.

LoveDaisy · 25/02/2022 13:00

Dh felt guilty about going while we’re sick and I assured him we’ll manage as I knew he was looking forward to the trip. It’s far and requires quite a bit of travel so staying over made sense. BIL had guised it as a adult weekend which it clearly isn’t now! Unfortunately… this is NOT the first time he’s done this sort of thing either. However, dh feels his brother would hold a grudge if he didn’t turn up as he’s spent quite a bit.

Dd is breast fed and honestly, it’s not somewhere kids would even enjoy! I wouldn’t have dreamt of taking our toddler there.

OP posts: