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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD- BIL has ‘spoiled’ dh weekend away

285 replies

LoveDaisy · 25/02/2022 12:33

DH’s brother surprised him a few weeks ago with a weekend stay following an outdoor event that will take up most of the day. It was so they could have some quality time away and as gift for dh, he paid for mostly everything. His brother had booked it for a weekend where Dh and I was supposed to celebrate an anniversary so, we changed dates so he could go on the trip. For context, Dh absolutely deserves some time away for himself, so no issue with the trip itself although the timing was off, I was ok changing the dates for him.

Dd was teething this week and ended up with a nasty cold which has meant little sleep for us all. I’ve now caught her cold on top of the infection I have which I’m antibiotics for. So I’m feeling like I’m on my knees trying to push through. But now dh has called to say he is disappointed in his brother… as he has booked tickets for their nephews too (their sister’s children age 3 &4) and had no intention of telling dh! It slipped out and Dh is now saying the vibe of the whole trip has completely changed. It’s not quality time, it’s baby sitting for a weekend. Nephew (3) is not potty trained and they both have never stayed away from their parents. Brother in law has a tendency to do this kind of thing 🙄
With myself and dd sick and the two toddlers attending, Dh is torn as he wants to cancel but his brother has spent a lot of money. The trip is for this weekend and dh has only just found out now, despite his brother booking over a week ago.

OP posts:
RealBecca · 26/02/2022 21:26

I'd hit the fucking roof if my husband went away to look after someone else's kids instead of looking after our own when I'm too sick to.

If he goes nod make a point of asking MIL to pop over for a few hours to help you. He wont want to be seen in the light this is casting him in.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 26/02/2022 21:43

So this is actually a treat for his and BIL's sister? Dressed up as a treat for your husband?!

I'd be so annoyed. And I would expect husband to stay at home.

Newbabynewhouse · 26/02/2022 22:22

Yeah its a all a bit weird, why on earth would he leave his own children to go away to look after other children...thats not a break...

PrincessFiorimonde · 27/02/2022 00:52

@Teeturtle

Perhaps he thought it would be nice to spend time with the nephews?

I cannot imagine myself cancelling something because I found out my young niece was attending.

I love my nieces and nephews dearly, but I cannot imagine I'd have been keen to take two of them away at those ages, particularly if they'd never previously spent a night away from their parents and one of them wasn't yet potty-trained!

I'd be even less keen on the idea if I'd been looking forward to just spending a bit of time with my sibling, doing something interesting together, and then found out at the last moment that instead I'd effectively be babysitting.

Maybe the sister has been told at short notice that she has to go in to hospital and has no one else to mind her kids for the day and night concerned. But if that's the case, surely the BIL would have explained this to his brother?

LoveDaisy, whether or not your DH went away in the end, I hope you and DD are both feeling a lot better now.

Watchamocauli · 27/02/2022 06:25

Anyone else wondering what is SIL and her partner doing over the weekend? Maybe OP should text them saying she needs help to take care of her kids so she recovers. Would be fun family discussion Grin

obstacalling · 27/02/2022 06:41

What a strange situation. Looking after 2 toddlers that aren't your own

So is BIL dad or uncle to the two kids?

Sounds awful to me.

Kirstie83 · 27/02/2022 07:40

Most definitely try and get DH to take DD (and any other children you may have) with them, then order yourself a takeaway, a bottle of wine, have a nice relaxing bath and put on a film you fancy. It is your recovery weekend after all 😊

CornishGem1975 · 27/02/2022 07:44

I'd pull out. Fuck that! If I'm having a "treat" of a weekend away I wouldn't want my own kids there, let alone someone else's.

angela99999 · 27/02/2022 07:46

Did he go in the end? This was a really dirty trick, taking you DH away from your own two poorly DC.

FinallyHere · 27/02/2022 08:32

So I'd feel like I still had to go for the nephews sake.

BiL has arranged a "gift" for his own brother of a "weekend stay following an outdoor event" without mentioning that he will have his sister’s children age 3 &4 in tow, one of whom is not yet potty trained.

Rather than a treat for such little ones to be away from their own parents, in the care of BiL who does not appear to be used to looking after children, I say it would be doing the children a kindness to stop this madness.

While his own wife is at home, not well with his own DC. Madness again.

Smellycat290 · 27/02/2022 08:33

Yes!! Get him to take your kids too. Awesome solution and BIL seriously can’t object! That’s totally the solution!

BestBeforeddmmyy · 27/02/2022 08:40

Your dh could explain that you and the kids are unwell and he needs to stay and look after his family.

Howshouldibehave · 27/02/2022 08:42

So, I presume it’s this weekend? Did he go? Have you heard much from him, @LoveDaisy?

fishonabicycle · 27/02/2022 08:54

It's so bloody irritating when the OP doesn't bother to update their own thread.

Mirw · 27/02/2022 09:01

Your DH needs to grow a pair and just say No. Either it is time away with his brother. Or it is time away with his brothers family. One is okay. The other is taking the pis esp when you are unwell. DH should be staying with you no matter how much has been spent. That is an excuse to let your bil off. It needs to stop now no matter how your bil feels. He is not a child.

iRun2eatCake · 27/02/2022 10:57

I suspect the "D"H has gone and the OP is too embarrassed to update.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/02/2022 11:35

@fishonabicycle

It's so bloody irritating when the OP doesn't bother to update their own thread.
There are so many threads like this these days. It's like the OPs can't be bothered. MN used to be so much more interesting with people seeking support and responders feeling helpful by sharing their advice. Now I just keep the last post by OP bookmarked and don't bother with the thread anymore unless they do. Shame though as it makes the site much less interesting.
BuyDirt · 27/02/2022 11:48

There are so many threads like this these days. It's like the OPs can't be bothered. MN used to be so much more interesting with people seeking support and responders feeling helpful by sharing their advice. Now I just keep the last post by OP bookmarked and don't bother with the thread anymore unless they do. Shame though as it makes the site much less interesting.

I thought this was sarcastic, but have a feeling it’s real. 😬

If people feel like this, they’re way too invested. Loads of threads will be made up shit. If they’re real, people are living their lives, they have no obligation to update you. And as for mumsnet giving anyone purpose by making them feel helpful, I don’t know where to start

ClariceQuiff · 27/02/2022 11:54

If they’re real, people are living their lives, they have no obligation to update you.

No obligation but I think it's courteous to update when people have taken the time to give detailed and thoughtful responses.

No one is 'obliged' to reply, either, but forums would soon cease to exist if no one ever bothered!

BuyDirt · 27/02/2022 12:02

No obligation but I think it's courteous to update when people have taken the time to give detailed and thoughtful responses.

Are you being serious? Courteous?

These are random people on a forum. Also, OP is ill and caring for a young child, of her husband had gone away, she’ll be doing that alone, she may yet come back and update but may be busy or just feeling too ill to bother replying. You are way too invested. OP doesn’t know you regardless of how detailed and thoughtful your responses are.

BuyDirt · 27/02/2022 12:04

No one is 'obliged' to reply, either, but forums would soon cease to exist if no one ever bothered!

They wouldn’t at all. As long as the people post an OP, other will happily argue amongst themselves. Half the people clearly don’t even read the OP correctly, never mind any updates anyway, we see evidence of that every day.

ClariceQuiff · 27/02/2022 12:06

You are way too invested. OP doesn’t know you regardless of how detailed and thoughtful your responses are.

Not invested at all, really - apart from a brief question early on in the thread I haven't posted anything else until now. But there are many others who have. It takes 30 seconds to type 'thanks for replies, will update later' or similar.

BuyDirt · 27/02/2022 12:10

Not invested at all, really - apart from a brief question early on in the thread I haven't posted anything else until now. But there are many others who have. It takes 30 seconds to type 'thanks for replies, will update later' or similar.

Anyone who thinks they are owed a reply or they feel short changed if they don’t get an update, shouldn’t invest any time in forums. There are people who make stuff up for fun. Some forums make their own stuff up for traffic. If they’re real, they may not update for a number of reasons. And in cases like this, not that much time has even gone by so OP may still post.

Crazy.

ClariceQuiff · 27/02/2022 12:14

Anyone who thinks they are owed a reply or they feel short changed if they don’t get an update, shouldn’t invest any time in forums. There are people who make stuff up for fun. Some forums make their own stuff up for traffic.

There's no point in bothering with forums at all unless you assume some kind of good faith.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/02/2022 12:23

It just makes the site more interesting if there aren't lots of abandoned threads. It's not just this one, there are loads. There has to be some level of engagement to make the site worth using. Even if it is all made up bollocks like most of the internet Grin