WWYD- BIL has ‘spoiled’ dh weekend away

[LoveDaisy]

DH’s brother surprised him a few weeks ago with a weekend stay following an outdoor event that will take up most of the day. It was so they could have some quality time away and as gift for dh, he paid for mostly everything. His brother had booked it for a weekend where Dh and I was supposed to celebrate an anniversary so, we changed dates so he could go on the trip. For context, Dh absolutely deserves some time away for himself, so no issue with the trip itself although the timing was off, I was ok changing the dates for him.

Dd was teething this week and ended up with a nasty cold which has meant little sleep for us all. I’ve now caught her cold on top of the infection I have which I’m antibiotics for. So I’m feeling like I’m on my knees trying to push through. But now dh has called to say he is disappointed in his brother… as he has booked tickets for their nephews too (their sister’s children age 3 &4) and had no intention of telling dh! It slipped out and Dh is now saying the vibe of the whole trip has completely changed. It’s not quality time, it’s baby sitting for a weekend. Nephew (3) is not potty trained and they both have never stayed away from their parents. Brother in law has a tendency to do this kind of thing 🙄
With myself and dd sick and the two toddlers attending, Dh is torn as he wants to cancel but his brother has spent a lot of money. The trip is for this weekend and dh has only just found out now, despite his brother booking over a week ago.

In a bizarre way dbil has done you a favour because an anniversary celebration would have been miserable if you're ill.
Get dh to take dd with him and stay in bed

Yes, I'm getting stuck on why BIL is taking their sister's kids to a big event plus overnight stay?

If it's a kid-friendly event then okay, let your DD tag along.

Whose children is BIL babysitting? Is he helping out last minute by taking the nephews with him?

However, dh feels his brother would hold a grudge if he didn’t turn up as he’s spent quite a bit.

If he holds a grudge so be it. Honestly why would anyone think babysitting 2 small children away from home for a whole weekend would be enjoyable. If BIL wants to babysit then leave him to it, your husband can stay home and even with caring for his sick wife and small baby he will probably still have a more enjoyable weekend and probably more sleep than your BIL.

Really sorry, just read your update.

Yeah definitely your husband should cancel.

I'm guessing their sister is desperate for babysitters and has to work a night shift or something. Sounds miserable for the kids.

DB is a cheeky fucker. The dynamic will be totally different. I would pull out if l was your DH. Caring for someone else’s children doesn’t sound like a fun or relaxing weekend

I’d hold a grudge if someone roped me into surprise babysitting! He should definitely cancel. BIL is being ur.

The BIL is utterly crazy to think your DH would want to spend the weekend babysitting his nephews when 1) he has his own child and 2) it’s meant to be an adult weekend.

As it’s already established that the BIL is completely unreasonable, I can’t see how it matters if he ends up pissed off. No one asked him to spend the money and then lie about the trip. Honestly, it would be a bit pathetic if your DH was prepared to leave you for the weekend in these circumstances just because he’s too scared to upset his unreasonable brother.

Hmmm wondering if dsil is footing the bill for the trip?

What's the activity and can you do it with toddlers?

Ahh it would be a shame if DH suspected he had covid. Restrictions may be over but probably best to be cautious 😉

Bil has been generous in paying but he is completely taking advantage of dh time. If he had asked for help with nephews then fair enough but so manipulative to do it like this.

I might like a childfree weekend occasionally, benefits of downtime outweigh negatives of missing child. I would never choose to leave my own child to spend a weekend with someone else's kids. Even my nephews who I love dearly.

If I were dh I would probably go to keep the peace but I would not make the same mistake again.

Why would BIL even want to take two young children on a long overnight journey on a lads weekend?

Have the parents asked him to do this? Have you spoken to them?

What’s the activity?

He should totally cancel.

"Sorry bro, I had it in mind as a sort of adults trip - dw and the kids are under the weather so if I'm gonna be spending the weekend looking after kids, it really should be my own. Let me know if you can rearrange with sis to have the newphews another time but if not, I'm going to have to tap out. Let me know what my share is so you aren't out of pocket"

@MichelleScarn

Hmmm wondering if dsil is footing the bill for the trip?

Ha! I bet you're right. She's the mastermind kicking back with a child free weekend.

Sorted. He can take the kids in your house and you get to rest. Win-win.

Or he cancels and it'll serve bil right for being a snidy twat.

If BIL has form for being ‘vague about details’, does the SIL even know that her kids are going to be dragged along to a grown up event for overnight?

I think the origins of this matter.

Why is his brother looking after their sister's young children?

Kind of depends whose idea it was to take the DCs.
DBro - numpty
DSIL - cheeky cah but numpty DBro to say yes.

What sort of activity is it?

In light of the update. I'd be reimbursing a quarter of the cost of the trip and definitely not going.

If he allows this shit to happen then he will have to suck it up. Wipe some other kids pooey arses while you cope at home on your own.

@Teeturtle

Perhaps he thought it would be nice to spend time with the nephews?

I cannot imagine myself cancelling something because I found out my young niece was attending.

@Teeturtle I can! because having kids there changes the whole dynamic. His own kids aren’t going so he was probably looking forward to one on one adult time with his bro. It wasn’t what DH signed up for so as such I don’t think that he should feel any shame in not going and if Brother holds a ‘grudge’ so what he should have more considerate to his brother and transparent in his plans

Yeah I think he should bail and be honest as to why. It clearly wasn't a special trip for DH it was a trip for DNs and he wanted DHs help babysitting.

If I was your husband I'd just say "sorry bro but wife is poorly so if I'm going to be looking after kids this weekend then it's gonna be my own so DW can rest. Would have loved to spend some quality time with you but I'm not leaving DW struggling with my kids while she's ill so I can go babysit DSs kids. Hope you have a good time though."

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

He should totally cancel.

"Sorry bro, I had it in mind as a sort of adults trip - dw and the kids are under the weather so if I'm gonna be spending the weekend looking after kids, it really should be my own. Let me know if you can rearrange with sis to have the newphews another time but if not, I'm going to have to tap out. Let me know what my share is so you aren't out of pocket"

This is a good text-I’d send it now.

BIL sounds like a dick.

I'm not even that keen on taking my own children away let alone other people's.

DH should cancel and tell his brother he thought it was a grown up weekend.

Why is anyone advocating the DH paying for his share of the trip?

He can’t be expected to pay for something he didn’t agree to.