Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD- BIL has ‘spoiled’ dh weekend away

285 replies

LoveDaisy · 25/02/2022 12:33

DH’s brother surprised him a few weeks ago with a weekend stay following an outdoor event that will take up most of the day. It was so they could have some quality time away and as gift for dh, he paid for mostly everything. His brother had booked it for a weekend where Dh and I was supposed to celebrate an anniversary so, we changed dates so he could go on the trip. For context, Dh absolutely deserves some time away for himself, so no issue with the trip itself although the timing was off, I was ok changing the dates for him.

Dd was teething this week and ended up with a nasty cold which has meant little sleep for us all. I’ve now caught her cold on top of the infection I have which I’m antibiotics for. So I’m feeling like I’m on my knees trying to push through. But now dh has called to say he is disappointed in his brother… as he has booked tickets for their nephews too (their sister’s children age 3 &4) and had no intention of telling dh! It slipped out and Dh is now saying the vibe of the whole trip has completely changed. It’s not quality time, it’s baby sitting for a weekend. Nephew (3) is not potty trained and they both have never stayed away from their parents. Brother in law has a tendency to do this kind of thing 🙄
With myself and dd sick and the two toddlers attending, Dh is torn as he wants to cancel but his brother has spent a lot of money. The trip is for this weekend and dh has only just found out now, despite his brother booking over a week ago.

OP posts:
TempName01 · 25/02/2022 15:14

@ElegantlyTouched

If I were your DH I'd contact his brother pretending I didn't know about the toddlers and gush about how much I was looking forward to going away and having a child-free weekend and that I was stocking up on the drinks. See if he admitted to the change in plan, and then, in either case, pull out.
Yes do this! ‘ looking forward to a weekend off from changing nappies, snotty noses and tantrums, can’t wait!’ 😄
MrsTerryPratchett · 25/02/2022 15:15

if I'm gonna be spending the weekend looking after kids, it really should be my own.

This is it. If DSIL wanted babysitting, it's much easier to do it at home with yours. A 3 and 4 yo away from home at a non-kid place will be an unadulterated nightmare. Why bother?

DBIL has created a stupid situation which won't be a good idea for anyone. That's a rare skill, making everyone unhappy!

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/02/2022 15:19

I would take great glee in cancelling that if I were your DH.

Let him hold a grudge, I wouldn't give a fuck.

Momijin · 25/02/2022 15:20

Your DH should tell his brother that he's not prepared to spend a weekend babysitting especially as he didn't agree to that. It is supposed to be a break. Looking after someone else's kids away from their home turf that young and not potty trained is a recipe for disaster

Satingreenshutters · 25/02/2022 15:23

The sly, sly pox.

fruitbrewhaha · 25/02/2022 15:25

I reckon he has double booked himself. He probably promised to have the sister kids ages ago and has only just realised he is away with your DH. If ut really is something like the rugby, I wouldn't take preschoolers. It's freezing to sit out in the cold for hours on end.

DH needs to tell him no, the kids can't come. Or he will bail. And your DH shouldn't go because otherwise it will upset DBIL, he doesn't give a shit about upsetting DH, does he?

TatianaBis · 25/02/2022 15:27

I'd just cancel & say: If I were to spend the weekend with kids it would be my own.

WetLookKnitwear · 25/02/2022 15:28

Cancel. I don’t think you need to feel that bad about it. Yea BIL spent money on it but that doesn’t make it fair for him to twist his brothers arm.

Disneysaurus · 25/02/2022 15:29

No way I would go. How rude.

AnnesBrokenSlate · 25/02/2022 15:31

It doesn't make sense for DBIL to go to all this effort just to get help with babysitting so presumably it makes sense in his head that the nephews come along. Have you spoken to your SILs - the one married to DBIL and the one whose small DCs are now going on the weekend? There's obviously more to this.

GoodnessTruthBeauty · 25/02/2022 15:36

Sadly your DH has come down with the same sickness as his wife and child and needs to R & R at home this weekend.

Deceptive people like this need to feel the consequences of their actions, otherwise they will just continue taking the Michael.

ENoeuf · 25/02/2022 15:37

I a there something going on for SIL maybe that hasn’t been shared? Early risky pregnancy ? Serious illness?

Rodion · 25/02/2022 15:37

I also think he's double booked himself. And that the next suggestion from BIL is going to be why don't you look after the nephews then so they can have the adult weekend.

Blackbird2020 · 25/02/2022 15:38

Today?! He’s leaving today and BIL tells him NOW that they’re babysitting for the weekend? With no seriously good reason?

And your DH is just ‘disappointed’?!? Does he have history for under-reacting and being a general pushover??!

NumberTheory · 25/02/2022 15:38

In your shoes, OP, I would probably take the fall for this and tell DH to let his brother know you were putting your foot down. That, while you were okay taking the hit, struggling through with a sick kid while sick yourself with multiple infections, for DH to have some adult time and come back recharged, you were damned if you were going to let him go off to babysit some other kids while you did that.

And I’d mean it too. I’d be a bit annoyed at DH considering going because his brother might hold a grudge and not considering what the cost to me was for it all and how I might feel.

catscatscatseverywhere · 25/02/2022 15:38

Sorry OP, but this thread is actually quite funny Blush What was your brother in law thinking by getting not even his kids, on their trip? I think he must have been out of his mind. Some people.

FinallyHere · 25/02/2022 15:39

dh feels his brother would hold a grudge if he didn’t turn up as he’s spent quite a bit.

He is worried his DB will hold a grudge, having been found out trying to get help with babysitting? Really?

If his brother had been upfront, it would have been a very different invitation.

Birthday surprise. Yeah, right

Of course your DH should cancel. Why leave his sick wife to look after his children while he spends the weekend with someone else's DC? As his birthday treat?

Madness.

Ihatebullies2022 · 25/02/2022 15:40

Leave your sick wife and child at home to spend the weekend babysitting someone else's kids? Nah. Let BIL hold a grudge if he wants, after all it will be one of his own making.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 25/02/2022 15:47

Let him hold a grudge!
He's the one who changed the whole tone of the weekend.

If I was your husband I would cancel and let him sulk
a weekend babysitting is not what you told me you had planned and if I'm going to be spending the weekend with children I want it to be my own, particularly since my wife is unwell.

SunflowerTed · 25/02/2022 16:02

@AfterSchoolWorry

I would take great glee in cancelling that if I were your DH.

Let him hold a grudge, I wouldn't give a fuck.

Maybe OP’s husband values his relationships more than you do
SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/02/2022 16:02

@Teeturtle

Perhaps he thought it would be nice to spend time with the nephews?

I cannot imagine myself cancelling something because I found out my young niece was attending.

What? You must be joking!

Suddenly it goes from an adult weekend away with a chance to catch-up, to looking after two probably whiney upset small children?

If the DH wanted to send time with kids he could have stayed with his own.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/02/2022 16:06

dh feels his brother would hold a grudge if he didn’t turn up as he’s spent quite a bit

Then he should;dn't have been so sly about it.

Was this the intention from the beginning, do you think (that the kids won be there)? Or has something happened for him to offer to take them.

It sounds to me that the brother just doesn't want to be with two small children on his wn.

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/02/2022 16:11

@SunflowerTed you can value your relationships and not be a doormat. DH should absolutely cancel.

oviraptor21 · 25/02/2022 16:24

WWID.
I'd cancel. And I'd be upfront about why.

Benjispruce5 · 25/02/2022 16:25

I get it. He may as well stay home and look after his own kids especially as you are ill. See if he can get someone else to go instead.

Swipe left for the next trending thread