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Original poster

WWYD- BIL has ‘spoiled’ dh weekend away

285 replies

LoveDaisy · 25/02/2022 12:33

DH’s brother surprised him a few weeks ago with a weekend stay following an outdoor event that will take up most of the day. It was so they could have some quality time away and as gift for dh, he paid for mostly everything. His brother had booked it for a weekend where Dh and I was supposed to celebrate an anniversary so, we changed dates so he could go on the trip. For context, Dh absolutely deserves some time away for himself, so no issue with the trip itself although the timing was off, I was ok changing the dates for him.

Dd was teething this week and ended up with a nasty cold which has meant little sleep for us all. I’ve now caught her cold on top of the infection I have which I’m antibiotics for. So I’m feeling like I’m on my knees trying to push through. But now dh has called to say he is disappointed in his brother… as he has booked tickets for their nephews too (their sister’s children age 3 &4) and had no intention of telling dh! It slipped out and Dh is now saying the vibe of the whole trip has completely changed. It’s not quality time, it’s baby sitting for a weekend. Nephew (3) is not potty trained and they both have never stayed away from their parents. Brother in law has a tendency to do this kind of thing 🙄
With myself and dd sick and the two toddlers attending, Dh is torn as he wants to cancel but his brother has spent a lot of money. The trip is for this weekend and dh has only just found out now, despite his brother booking over a week ago.

OP posts:
tractorhome · 25/02/2022 13:28

Oh that is so annoying. Reminds me of a friend of DH's who would come round to 'help with the gardening' on a Sunday afternoon with a toddler that I would then have to entertain.

Your SIL is the only one getting a treat in this case.

jytdtysrht · 25/02/2022 13:29

Message

Hello brother
I am really confused. You surprised me with a gift of weekend/outdoor activities. How has it turned into babysitting? I am not up for that. My own wife and dd are ill and I am not leaving them to look after sister’s kids.

EenieWeenie · 25/02/2022 13:31

@gamerchick

In light of the update. I'd be reimbursing a quarter of the cost of the trip and definitely not going.

If he allows this shit to happen then he will have to suck it up. Wipe some other kids pooey arses while you cope at home on your own.

Why would you reimburse him anything? BIL may have paid for most of it but the OP and her DH paid some towards it as they were under the impression it was a break for her husband. It's money they wouldn't have spent otherwise Just say no and if you had been privvy to the babysitting you would never had agreed BIL needs calling out on this. No apology Cheeky bugger Hope you feel better soon @LoveDaisy
diddl · 25/02/2022 13:35

So he has known all along that he was taking his sister's kids but didn't think to ask if he's brother's kid would like to go as well?

I think either being ill himself or looking after you is perhaps a good get out.

Or he could just say no & if he had known the arrangements he would have declined in the first place.

Perhaps losing some money might make his brother think in future?

Jvg33 · 25/02/2022 13:35

This seems awful to be honest. Is this the time for a 'covid card' if your DH can't tell his brother the truth

Hunderland · 25/02/2022 13:36

Is it golf?!

HotWaterAndLemon · 25/02/2022 13:36

I feel like an awful admitting this but I’d cancel too.

Babysitting someone else children wasn’t part of the deal. It was supposed to be two adults alone. You can’t just add 2 children without consulting the other person! Completely changes the nature of the weekend.

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2022 13:37

What are the children going to do during the activity?

Totalwasteofpaper · 25/02/2022 13:37

@Riseholme

In a bizarre way dbil has done you a favour because an anniversary celebration would have been miserable if you're ill. Get dh to take dd with him and stay in bed
Agree with this.

Also that BIL will hold a grudge and make a big deal if he doesn't go.
I do think your Dh should go make the best of it. If his shoes I would do as little as possible with DNs and certainly no nappy changes Confused he is the birthday boy after all Grin
I'd consider a lesson learned and an evidence point for the next BIL tries to "do something nice"

Shoxfordian · 25/02/2022 13:39

He should cancel or take your baby with him and then you can have a nice relaxing weekend

TempName01 · 25/02/2022 13:41

An all day outdoor event involving lots of travel with a 3 and 4 year old, no fucking way, sounds hideous

TruffleShuffles · 25/02/2022 13:46

I couldn’t think of anything worse than taking my own 3 year old child on the weekend you describe let alone taking someone else’s.

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 25/02/2022 13:47

Who cares if BIL holds a grudge? Would the result of the grude holding be fewer "invitations" to spend the weekend doing something that wasn't what was expected? Excellent!

Xmassprout · 25/02/2022 13:50

If BIL has form for doing shit like this, does anyone challenge him?

If not that's why he keeps doing it, because he gets away with it!

StopFeckingFaffing · 25/02/2022 13:52

I can't be the only one who is intrigued to know what sort of 'event' which is something a couple of grown men would be excited to attend, is also suitable for a couple of pre-schoolers (a Metallica concert with Peppa Pig in a side room?)

Grandville · 25/02/2022 13:54

Lol fuck that!

I would however get DH to tell BIL a white lie and say he can't come as you and the DC are ill. And don't let him rearrange.

TonksInPurple · 25/02/2022 13:54

All sounds very odd, so it’s two brothers taking their sisters kids away? Would be nice if they were teens and going camping however this round more like watching racing or something and with two pre schoolers it sounds awful.

pinkyredrose · 25/02/2022 13:57

He needs to stay home with his sick wife and baby! Obviously as he's now not going there's a space for one of the nephew's parents to go in his place. Sorted!

Howshouldibehave · 25/02/2022 14:00

I am intrigued about the activity as well-this seems ludicrous. I can’t think of a single thing that two grown men would excitedly go off and do for the weekend that is also suitable for a 3 year old in nappies?

I would get your DH to ring his sister and explain what’s going on. Unless she is a total bitch, she won’t want to leave you ill at home with a baby for a whole weekend whilst your DH takes her kids away. Then text BIL and say no way.

Honestly-he sounds really weird.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/02/2022 14:01

Sorry bro, I had it in mind as a sort of adults trip - dw and the kids are under the weather so if I'm gonna be spending the weekend looking after kids, it really should be my own. Let me know if you can rearrange with sis to have the newphews another time but if not, I'm going to have to tap out. Let me know what my share is so you aren't out of pocket

This but without the offer to pay!

I’m a bit confused about whose the 3 and 4 yos are? Are they BIL’s with his wife referred to as SIL, or are they the kids of a mutual sister of DH and DB? Either way my answer is the same though!

CailleachGranda · 25/02/2022 14:02

@Grandville

Lol fuck that!

I would however get DH to tell BIL a white lie and say he can't come as you and the DC are ill. And don't let him rearrange.

I wouldn't bother with the white lie

It's so far from reasonable that he should be spelling it out to his brother

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/02/2022 14:02

Oh sorry it’s in the OP! Well this is great news as it means SIL or her husband/ partner if she has one can go in your DH’s place

donquixotedelamancha · 25/02/2022 14:04

Perhaps he thought it would be nice to spend time with the nephews?

Yep, I'm not seeing why he's a "sly bastard" and a "cheeky fucker" either.

Unfortunately… this is NOT the first time he’s done this sort of thing either. However, dh feels his brother would hold a grudge if he didn’t turn up as he’s spent quite a bit.

OP if he doesn't want to go on the weekend because the kids will be there then he needs to just tell his brother, who clearly has a very different idea of a fun weekend to your DH.

DH can't complain if that comes off as curmudgeonly. Assigning bad intentions to your BiL paying for an expensive weekend away is just odd- people like different things.

DontBeMean · 25/02/2022 14:06

Ugh, I'd hate that. It hard to say what I would do to get out of it but I wouldn't be going.

Beees · 25/02/2022 14:12

Yep, I'm not seeing why he's a "sly bastard" and a "cheeky fucker" either.

Of course he's being sly and cheeky. He framed it as a weekend with his brother for a catch up and quality time together on purpose. If he'd framed it as babysitting two small kids away from their parents, familiar things and in a new strange place of course the OPs husband wouldn't have accepted the invite.

I don't know any sane person who would to be fair. Confused