Restaurant ordering etiquette

[McPancreas]

My DP when ordering at a restaurant tells the waiter her starter, mains and drinks in one hit. I find this odd as my experience has always been to go round the table doing everyone's starters and then all the mains etc.

TBH I find it slightly rude to go through your whole order whilst everyone waits and also it makes more sense (to me) from the servers perspective to get different parts of the order together but she is adamant that's how it should be done!

So AIBU to feel she is doing it wrong? Any thoughts from people in hospitality especially welcome!

We always do it your DP’s way.

Unless the waiter says ‘can I get everyone’s starters’ as they sometimes do for a big group.

It takes barely any longer to say ‘and boeuf bourgignon’ after the starter order.

Your way is old fashioned. Her way makes more sense.

Usually the wait staff will ask if you want a drink first, then order the starter and main at the same time, unless you have decided what you want when they take your drinks order and you can do it all in one swoop.

Worked in hospitality for years.

Guests seated: Can I get some water for the table? (Usually yes, tap or bottled?)

Come over and take a drinks order

Bring drinks: Are you ready to order food? Yes - take order, no - come back in 5 mins

When taking food order go around each guests and they give starter and main (e.g. i'll have X to start with please and then Y)

Serve meals

After meal as collecting plates: How was it etc? Would you like to take a look at the dessert menu?

If they say yes you bring it and then come back for order 5 mins later. If they say no you clear plates, ask if there's anything else you can get them and that's it.

The idea of going around everyone for starters and then again for mains is a real slog and a massive waste of time

The norm is to order starters and mains together. And order a drink too, if you haven’t already ordered one before the food orders are taken.

If the waiter wants to do all the starters together first and then all the mains for some reason, then they will say so.

As a diner I’d much rather give my order all at once and then relax, instead of waiting for the waiter to come back to me three separate times!

Most places drinks first. Then everyone orders their starters and mains together.

IME waiters take drinks orders first and then come back and take everyone's food order individually and somehow work it out as if by magic. Sometimes they don't but that's another story.

Can I just say I hate it when people say "whilst" instead of "while" as you did @McPancreas? It's not wrong but terribly fussy and we are fussing about etiquette here.

YABU.

And this:

TBH I find it slightly rude to go through your whole order whilst everyone waits

makes no sense at all! Everyone will be sitting at the table for the duration of the time it takes everyone to order all their food and drinks anyway. Besides 'waiting' for a shorter interval multiple times to order each course separately almost certainly takes longer.

Where I used to be a server, it was drinks order when they arrive, then give them 10 minutes to decide. As we used an iPad order system at the table, it would only work if we ordered the whole tables starters first that then was sent to the kitchen. We would then stay at the table, but go back in system and do mains. Even if writing the order down, I preferred on larger tables doing starters in one go, as often people would share starters and go large on some, always found it easier that way as people often changed their starter order after seeing what others were having.

I find this post mad. Pretty much everywhere I’ve eaten I have ordered starters first and then mains, immediately after I’ve said my starter the waiting staff will turn to the person I’m with to get theirs and then follow with mains. This is in both the U.K. and when I’ve eaten abroad. I’ve never eaten out with anyone who has ordered all courses in one go either. Drinks will usually be ordered when seated.

‘ Thanks for the feedback, I shall get back in my box!’

Nooooo, no need to do that, just go out to dinner most often to get used to doing it differently!

Order drinks

Server brings drinks and asked if you’re ready to order

‘I’ll have the prawn cocktail and the lamb.”

That’s the way it’s done.

Oh my first world problems eh

YABU because this doesn't matter. The waiting staff generally subtly guide customers on how they want to take the order.

p.s. I've just got back from lunch and the waiting staff took drinks orders when they brought the menus. Then they returned and took starter and mains from one person at a time.

I have worked in many eating establishments and have rarely seen it done your way OP, people tend to order their starter and main course at the same time, it makes it easier for the person taking the order and saves going around the table twice.

Drinks are usually ordered before food.

‘ Oh my first world problems eh’…all whilst Rome burns!

The only time I have ever had a waiter ask for all the starters and then all the mains is at mid rage restaurants with really large groups (Christmas work do type things).

Anywhere else it “I’ll have the prawns and the monkfish please”.

Pudding is always offered and ordered after the main course has been cleared.

There is not a wrong or right way. I have been to restaurants where they will take my whole order and move on to the next person and take their whole order also and I have been to restaurants where they take starters off each person and then mains etc.

Its not exactly an important issue, let your wife order as she pleases and stop being pedantic

As a restaurant owner I would encourage each person to give me starter and main before I move on. It’s easier unless you have a large group then I would do each course separate.

Many moons ago, when i was a waitress, I'd do drinks first, then come back to do starters and main courses.

But if it was a large group I'd sometimes do all starters then go round the table again for main courses, but only because in those days we had a small pad on which to write everything and it was easier to have all the starters in a nice handy list. Plus it did give the ditherers a few extra minutes to decide what their main course was going to be.

I find it slightly rude to go through your whole order whilst everyone waits

YABU - that is normal, and also considerate for the waiting staff. It's rude if she jumps in first, then umms and ahhs.

If you want to go into "etiquette" - it's the order in which people order and are served their meals which is traditionally the concern of polite manners. Generally, the oldest/most venerable/ senior person orders first, or if they're the host - they order last!

Old-fashioned etiquette requires that women order & are served first, and in order of status/seniority. But that's rarely adhered to nowadays.

I think it's

• everyone orders a drink
• peruses menu for a bit
• staff come back with drinks and everyone orders starter and main. One designated person orders anything you're sharing too.
• after the meal staff come back for your pudding/coffee order.

Much easier to do it as a waitress her way then nothing gets missed, especially if its a large table.

Another one for all in one go.
Doing it 3 x doesn't make sense.