Restaurant ordering etiquette

[McPancreas]

My DP when ordering at a restaurant tells the waiter her starter, mains and drinks in one hit. I find this odd as my experience has always been to go round the table doing everyone's starters and then all the mains etc.

TBH I find it slightly rude to go through your whole order whilst everyone waits and also it makes more sense (to me) from the servers perspective to get different parts of the order together but she is adamant that's how it should be done!

So AIBU to feel she is doing it wrong? Any thoughts from people in hospitality especially welcome!

no offense but your way is stupid.

It's how my family do it and it descends into everyone shouting over each other because they think they're 'helping', mistakes are always made and the poor waitresses usually look confused as hell... My DH didn't believe me until he saw it with his own eyes.

Honestly, it's a nightmare.

@Rosehugger 😱 😄

You aren't going to be waiting any less time going round twice. It's not like waiting for a go on the swings.

If you just ordered a starter and I was next I'd assume that's all you were having.

I've always ordered a drink first then the server comes with that and asks if I've (we've) chosen, then I (each person in turn) orders a starter and main at the same time. No round robin. After those have been eaten, I/we are asked if we want dessert. Never known it any other way.

I used to be obsessed with the rules of 'etiquette' (did loads of research) and I can tell you that ordering starters and main courses together is the 'done' thing. Usually starting with the eldest female then through all the females then onto the eldest man unless he is the host in which case he may indicate he wishes to order last.
Ordering starters then main courses is only ever done in my experience when you have a huge party at a table and it's easier for the server to send the order to the kitchen in the order the food should come out rather than trying to rememberer if someone wanted the prawns as a starter or a main... not likely in a fine dining situation!

This is of course after aperitifs have already been ordered.

No round robin.
Might get that printed on a T-shirt. Would be useful is a number of situations.

Generally drinks are ordered first before people look at the menu for food. Then each person should order their starter and main in one go. If drinks have not been ordered then drink, starter and main ordered in one go. Much more efficient than going round the table for each item! YABU, your DP is right.

Desserts are a fruit-based pudding (or how the middle classes refer to puddings).

Er, no, if you’re trying to be completely correct about traditional food etiquette, and laying down the law to other posters! You’re wrong.

I refer you to @BloodyForeland’s post for the correct traditional terminology.

And my grandmother’s family dinner party trick was to eat her fruit with a knife and fork - particularly fascinating to watch how she ate an orange. It’s what finishing schools in Switzerland teach you, apparently.

Pre-dinner drinks and nibbles would be in the lounge

@Febrier if you’re trying to out-snob other posters with your superior knowledge of fine dining or life with servants, you really shouldn’t give yourself away by referring to the drawing room as a “lounge” or food as “nibbles.”

You are 100% wrong.

It now worries me that people may be sat seething around me when I order all my food in one go. Lol.

Nah, @WulyJmpr what you’re doing is pretty normal. You can relax.

I wouldn't want to order pudding at the same time as starter/main in case I changed my mind or didn't have room. So drinks, starter/main, then pudding/coffee.

@Febrier if you’re trying to out-snob other posters with your superior knowledge of fine dining or life with servants, you really shouldn’t give yourself away by referring to the drawing room as a “lounge” or food as “nibbles.”

If you’d engaged in conversation rather than attacking you would have noticed that I am talking about my experience years ago as a 15 year old staff in a very posh, traditional hotel.
Coming from a working class background it was fascinating (and sometimes challenging and shaming) and similar to another PP I went through a phase of reading up on etiquette.
But don’t let that stop you from making personal attacks.

@LaChanticleer

Desserts are a fruit-based pudding (or how the middle classes refer to puddings).

Er, no, if you’re trying to be completely correct about traditional food etiquette, and laying down the law to other posters! You’re wrong.

I refer you to @BloodyForeland’s post for the correct traditional terminology.

And my grandmother’s family dinner party trick was to eat her fruit with a knife and fork - particularly fascinating to watch how she ate an orange. It’s what finishing schools in Switzerland teach you, apparently.

I remember being forced the eat a ring doughnut with a knife at school. And a pear. Daft really.

Conversely @Rosehugger my dad always cled it a sweet or afters!

No pudding is not the correct term for dessert. Pudding is a (common) variety of dessert. A cheese course is a separate course although some people have cheese instead of a dessert, served at the same time.

Honestly, if you are going to go all Hyacinth Bucket on us, do some basic research.

Well, in the US, we don't have to carry on about class signifiers in what you call something sweet at the end of dinner. It's all dessert. And sometimes dessert is a pudding, like my favorite, banana pudding.

In her later years, my mother would order dessert first when we went out to eat. As her appetite diminished with age, she didn't want to risk filling up on chicken and whatnot and not having room for key lime pie.

Seems very sensible to me to prioritise key lime pie!

Yum.

@SenecaFallsRedux ignoring any class chat, is pudding a specific food thing in the US? Here I would say pudding in the same way other posters are saying dessert (I am in Scotland, or maybe just really common). A few years ago I had a wisdom tooth extracted and did a lot of “research” (obsessive Googling) and found a lot of American posters suggesting “pudding” was a good thing to eat afterwards, suggesting it was one type of soft dish?

In America pudding refers to a specific custardy chocolate type dessert.

In America pudding refers to a specific custardy chocolate type dessert.

It comes in many other flavours:

www.ranker.com/list/best-flavors-of-pudding/ranker-food

Yep, with your DP on this one and it wouldn’t even occur to me to go round the table to order each course individually.

@Grantanow

Take your line from the waitperson. Some restaurants ask for the dessert orders at the start because they make them freshly. Some waitpersons have WiFi pads connected to the kitchen to get your order started quickly. (Sorry about 'waitperson' but I prefer it to 'waitron').

Nope, I've never been asked for dessert order at the start. How would I know what I want before I've eaten the two previous courses?

Thank you for the pudding intel! I imagined it a bit like yoghurt so I was at least on the right lines.

Thank you for the pudding intel! I imagined it a bit like yoghurt so I was at least on the right lines.

Say more the equivalent of custard than yogurt. Pudding is usually eaten at room temperature. You wouldn’t typically find pudding in a fridge at the supermarket.