Restaurant ordering etiquette

[McPancreas]

My DP when ordering at a restaurant tells the waiter her starter, mains and drinks in one hit. I find this odd as my experience has always been to go round the table doing everyone's starters and then all the mains etc.

TBH I find it slightly rude to go through your whole order whilst everyone waits and also it makes more sense (to me) from the servers perspective to get different parts of the order together but she is adamant that's how it should be done!

So AIBU to feel she is doing it wrong? Any thoughts from people in hospitality especially welcome!

Drinks order.
Drinks come to table.
Food order is taken.
Everyone orders their starter and main (not pudding)
Starters arrive
More drinks
Mains arrive
Table is cleared
Dessert order

Your way is odd it would totally throw me if I was out to dinner with someone and they only ordered their starter before it was then my turn

The man should always order for any of his women (mother, sister, wife, daughter). That’s the #1 rule of etiquette.

Oh wait, I’m still stuck in 1887 watching Gilded Age...

I'm with your partner, makes more sense to call it all out in one go, why is it such a hardship for the other people at the table to wait?

@Joystir59

The kitchen needs all the starters first then the mains. So she is wrong.

Have you ever worked in a kitchen?

@TwoCoffeesPlease

Drinks order. Drinks come to table. Food order is taken. Everyone orders their starter and main (not pudding) Starters arrive More drinks Mains arrive Table is cleared Dessert order

Your way is odd it would totally throw me if I was out to dinner with someone and they only ordered their starter before it was then my turn

This is 100% correct

The last starred place i ate in asked each person for their starter choice, then their main course. (Table of four)
And the serving person did not write anything down at all, either on a pad or tablet.
All the food came out correctly as ordered and was given to the right person.

Your partner is definitely doing it right. I’ve literally never been out with a group where the waiter went round and round the table doing drink/starter/main. Seems a bit long winded

@EmpressCixi

The man should always order for any of his women (mother, sister, wife, daughter). That’s the #1 rule of etiquette.

Oh wait, I’m still stuck in 1887 watching Gilded Age...

Is The Gilded Age any good?

Drinks first, the waiter returns after drinks have arrived and then you would say “I would like the soup for a starter and then the lasagne please” so starter and main, then following your main meal you should be offered the dessert menu or asked if you want teas or coffees. I have never witnessed a table going round each person just ordering their drink, then round again ordering their starter, then round again ordering their main! Imagine if it’s a large group say 8 or more, everyone would be dizzy!

I doesn’t matter really but it’s funny how different people have their “normal” way of doing things which seems strange to others.

We always order drinks, starters and mains together and then decide if we want a dessert when we have finished our main.

About 25 years ago I worked in an old-fashioned hotel. We were only allowed to write down an order if the party exceeded 4. The order was women first, senior to junior, and then men, senior to junior. As PP said, only starters, (fish) and main courses. Desserts would be requested and served after the mains were finished.

Coffee and night caps were taken in the lounge.

@AryaStarkWolf thank you 😘

@BloodyForeland my grandad was like that! We never stayed for coffee. You'd be putting your coat on with a mouth full of peas if you went out with him. I miss him but I don't miss that!

I was a waitress.

Much easier to have the whole order. Otherwise you spend much more times getting everyone’s starters. Then mains. I don’t know why. But trust me. It really is longer!

Drinks ordered first, then I do a bit more menu perusing and order my starter and main in one go. Anything else would be faffy for the waiting staff.

Is The Gilded Age any good?

Yes, it is. It's especially interesting for exploring the lives of well-to-do Black people in the late 19th century, a group seldom represented in drama.

As for the ordering debate, I agree with most people in following the lead of the waitstaff, which usually means drinks first, then order starter and main (or appetizer and entree, as we say in the US), then after that is finished, order dessert. Sometimes, they will ask for starter orders with the drinks order, but that is less common.

@TwoCoffeesPlease has it right. Sorry OP but your way would do my head in!

We order drinks as soon as we can, then starters. Mains ordered when finished starters or else they come too quick after the starter!

Yabu

Drinks are sometimes a separate order at an earlier stage, but broadly speaking your friend is right. Never been anywhere where each person says their starter, each their main etc

It would be a pain for the wait staff that way!

I'm not sure I can remember eating anywhere where they've gone round twice

The order was women first, senior to junior, and then men, senior to junior. As PP said, only starters, (fish) and main courses. Desserts would be requested and served after the mains were finished.

This reminds me of being on holiday in Portugal. Tbh I agree with it. It shows respect to the more senior members of the party. I do agree with “ladies first” as to me it acknowledges the privilege that men have in everyday life/ any unregulated areas of life, and it’s nice and civilised for the men to wait when you know that, where it a scrum to see who got in first, they’d be the ones dominating the agenda.

I think children were an exception though

*You are the one doing it wrong.

It’s not rude at all*

Literally😂

I do it your DPs way, although I don't think there is a right way, other than drinks first. (a good wait staff will get the drinks order in immediately and then let you read the menu while they are getting them, IMO)

Usually order a drink while browsing the menu then order starter and main together. If for some reason drink isn’t ordered before looking at the menu then order everything together.

I would find it very strange to keep going round the table for each part.