Restaurant ordering etiquette

[McPancreas]

My DP when ordering at a restaurant tells the waiter her starter, mains and drinks in one hit. I find this odd as my experience has always been to go round the table doing everyone's starters and then all the mains etc.

TBH I find it slightly rude to go through your whole order whilst everyone waits and also it makes more sense (to me) from the servers perspective to get different parts of the order together but she is adamant that's how it should be done!

So AIBU to feel she is doing it wrong? Any thoughts from people in hospitality especially welcome!

I don't know what I usually do. I think I let the waiter/waitress lead, so they can do whatever easiest for taking it down.

It does seem to make sense not to keep going round the table, though.

I have always given my complete order, most restaurants expect this

For small groups each person orders their starters the mains. For larger groups, we normally confirm with waiting staff how they would like to receive the order. We have had both versions, everybody's starters then their mains, and starters and mains for each
There isn't a right/wrong way.
Although we have recently started ordering our starters, then our mains once they are finished, as kitchens seem to want the mains out as soon as starters finished, all too rushed for us.

You are both wrong (but you are more wrong).

Everyone orders their starter and main at the same time. Desserts get ordered once those have been eaten and the plates cleared away.

In my experience it's usually once around the table for drinks, which are then brought, once around the table again for starters and mains together, and once those are finished and cleared away, once around the table a third time for dessert. This has been the norm in every restaurant I've been to (where food is ordered at the table at least) and I never considered there might be other ways.

Drinks first, then starters and main. I've never been for a full restaurant meal where it's been any different.
Dessert at the end, when you know how much room you've got left.

Tbh I'd ask the waiting staff how they preferred to take the order and then do that.

I can’t claim to be an expert but in my experience it’s drinks first, then each person orders starter and main and then after they are finished, waiter brings dessert/ hot drinks menu and each person orders what they want.

Everywhere I've worked drinks are ordered first and then food orders after drinks have been delivered/little while after. Then starter/mains from each person in turn around the table (and I was taught when I first started many years ago that you do the women first in age order from the eldest down and then the same for the men so finishing with the youngest man, I didn't do it, I started with whoever the table was booked in/whoever asked for the table and went round clockwise, so much less scope for offending someone!) And then wine for the meal after that.
I used to write them down separately, starters at the top and mains under a line for the kitchen and as I started with the same person and went clockwise I knew which dish was for which person without asking.
The only exception was for large tables that didn't pre order, and then we'd ask them to all do starters first and then all do mains as it's better for the kitchen when prepping/cooking to get it done efficiently and served in good time.

I tend to ask the waiting staff. But I also tend to do all the speaking because we eat out with blithering idiots who just sit there until the waiter has asked three times then it's "oh me? Two minutes let me just look at the menu...... ah yeah here it is -the same thing I eat every time we eat out-"

She's not rude though, it's rude to keep people waiting while you're pratting about. Not ordering.

The kitchen needs all the starters first then the mains. So she is wrong.

Our local Indian restaurant always does the starters for each person then goes back around the table for mains and sides. But that's the only place I've been to that does it this way.

And desserts/coffee after mains are cleared and orders taken together.

Order starter and main at the same time

Usually you are asked for your drinks before- when the menus are handed out.

If you're somewhere that doesn't do that, I think probably etiquette is out the window anyway

But it's quite normal to say "I'll have the paté and then the beef, please".

I think she's quite right.

@Joystir59

The kitchen needs all the starters first then the mains. So she is wrong.

That was always my responsibility as the waitress to separate starters from mains, but present on the same check as then chef would be prepping mains as starters go out so that they could go ahead and start cooking when waiting staff told them starters were cleared.

Everywhere I’ve eaten the waiter has asked for starter and main together, and pudding too if is a set menu (if not then they come back after main to ask if ppl want pub). The waiter doesn’t want to go round the table 3 times speaking to each peraon 3 times!! 🤣

Yabvu.

@Joystir59

The kitchen needs all the starters first then the mains. So she is wrong.

The waiter doesn't run to the kitchen after each person. They'll write it all down and then take it in. Or do it on a tablet

They always take starters and mains from one person at a time in my experience.

YABU since:

(a) neither's wrong/rude as such; and
(b) her way is by a distance the more common of the two approaches.

It's the same number of words no matter what order! It doesn't take any longer to say it together.

Unless you're queuing for a buffet??

Sorry. YABU. What a waste of time for everyone, both diners and wait staff, if you make everyone go round and round for what they want. Also makes it harder for wait staff to recall who is having what at the table.

How did you ever come to think each person dud I’ve thing then round the table again for more orders? Bizarre

Some places ask for drinks first. Nice to have an apertif while choosing.

Generally it goes by person, starters and mains.

But some waiters ask for all starters first then all mains and that's fine.

As long as they don't a) take ages to bring a drink b) bring food before you have anything to drink c) forget someone's order d) bring the wrong order I don't particularly mind!

@DrSbaitso

I don't know what I usually do. I think I let the waiter/waitress lead, so they can do whatever easiest for taking it down.

It does seem to make sense not to keep going round the table, though.

Especially if you're eating out with my mother, who is of her generation and thinks that it's always rude to say what you want in terms of food and drink. (For instance, if someone offers you a cup of tea at their house, it must be declined at least three times with rising protestations of sincerity before you accept. I think she nearly died of shame when I once said to my aunt, 'Yes, I'd love a cup of tea, thanks'.)

In her view, this is also the case in restaurants, even when the person asking what you want to eat and drink is a waiter whose job is to ask what you want, so she does this weird pantomime of pretending she can't decide because it all looks so delicious, and hums and haws, all smiley and deferential, as if she'd prefer to waiter to choose for her, because that would be more ladylike. Meanwhile, some poor server is just trying to take the order.

And then it starts all over again with the dessert menu. Waiter offers the dessert menus. My mother invariably protests. Oh, no! She couldn't possibly, she's eaten so much! She'll have to go on a diet in the morning! We'll all have to go for a long walk afterwards to 'work it off!' Meanwhile, everyone else has read the dessert menu and said 'The panna cotta, please.' Whereupon my mother looks shocked at everyone else's greed and rudeness, and then order the chocolate tart as though forced into it.

If individual courses were ordered, it would be midnight before my mother finally settled on the chicken. She always settles on the chicken.

This, added to the fact that my father, despite having eaten out with us for years, still doesn't seem to grasp that you ask for the bill and they'll bring it to your table after you've finished, and as he's a gobbler, has been known to leap up when he's finished his main course and everyone else has taken two bites, and try to pay a waiter walking past with plates up each arm, because he thinks the other four people at the table are dawdling.

Oh, that felt good to let it out. I love my parents, but they are not soothing dining companions.

You're critical of how your dp orders in a restaurant...

I'd only care if they were somehow rude to the staff.