Restaurant ordering etiquette

[McPancreas]

My DP when ordering at a restaurant tells the waiter her starter, mains and drinks in one hit. I find this odd as my experience has always been to go round the table doing everyone's starters and then all the mains etc.

TBH I find it slightly rude to go through your whole order whilst everyone waits and also it makes more sense (to me) from the servers perspective to get different parts of the order together but she is adamant that's how it should be done!

So AIBU to feel she is doing it wrong? Any thoughts from people in hospitality especially welcome!

The waiter is your host and you're guided by them, but they can take suggestions. So, for example, when they come to take drinks orders I will say after that I'm also ready with my food order when they are and see how they respond.

@MargosKaftan

No pudding is not the correct term for dessert. Pudding is a (common) variety of dessert. A cheese course is a separate course although some people have cheese instead of a dessert, served at the same time.

Honestly, if you are going to go all Hyacinth Bucket on us, do some basic research.

If we're going by U vs non-U shibboleths, then 'pudding' is the U term for the sweet course that might consist of a tart, icecream, syllabub, or a pudding etc -- you might have a pudding like lemon pond pudding or summer pudding for pudding, but equally you might have Eton Mess or apple tart.

'Sweet' was traditionally considered the non-U term -- see John Betjemen's poem 'How to Get On in Society'. I think 'dessert' (which traditionally referred to another course after pudding is probably more widely-used now, but is still listed as a non-U term by everyone's favourite 'etiquette expert', William Hanson.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/3qF356d7d2D6h98CdCWxf8z/ten-words-that-prove-you-arent-posh

(Personally, I feel that William Hanson should be spanked with stinging nettles, but that's another conversation...)

It's pudding at home, it's dessert at a restaurant. UK. Not posh.

Pudding in Ireland is a Christmas pudding or a black pudding, dessert is a ‘sweet’ or just dessert.

Starters and mains orders always taken together ime, eg 'I'll have the soup and the beef please'. Drinks order taken before or afterwards (might be bottles per table). Dessert, tea/coffee ordered after the main course eaten. An exception is big events like weddings where dessert is often ordered at the same time as starter and main course.
I've never seen it done your way.

I do it same as her..... It's way less faff.

If i was sharing wine I'd say

We will have a bottle of X

Then for starter I'll have prawns, and for main the chicken please.

Your way is a bit stranger I think.

I would face though just people order drinks and then the waiter would return to take food orders when he’s easier to give starter and main in one go, ie, I’ll have the pate and the lamb…..

Third World problems

@Middleagedspreadisreal

Third World problems

i waitressed- not a correct\incorect way.restaurant\chef /bar prob happier if write/drinks-starters/mains. easier if all under seperate header i guess....as long as do that-alls good i think.

Whaaaat? You think it’s easier to get all the starters, all the mains and then all the desserts together?

As someone who worked the hospitality industry, that would be on a par with someone coming up to the bar and ordering each drink separately. Time consuming and a total waste.

We have a pad, we’re perfectly capable of writing orders down on different thirds of it…and that’s way easier than waiting to get round the whole table three times…especially as the time for thought as the table goes round always seemed to make people double guess their own orders. God, I inwardly groaned when a Round Robin table came in.

Please thank your DP from the bottom of this ex-waitress’ heart for making my job so much easier

@McPancreas

My DP when ordering at a restaurant tells the waiter her starter, mains and drinks in one hit. I find this odd as my experience has always been to go round the table doing everyone's starters and then all the mains etc.

TBH I find it slightly rude to go through your whole order whilst everyone waits and also it makes more sense (to me) from the servers perspective to get different parts of the order together but she is adamant that's how it should be done!

So AIBU to feel she is doing it wrong? Any thoughts from people in hospitality especially welcome!

It wrong on so many levels. 😡 😡 😡 😡

More worries in the world than this.
Makes no difference how you order, and the waiter will guide.

Picture this.

1. Waiter arrives to take orders. There are 6 of you. Writes down table number and each person's starter main dessert drinks. OR
2. Waiter writes down starter for each person around the table. Goes away. Starter served, cleared and waiter arrives to take mains, then repeat the whole thing for dessert...you get the picture. OR
3. Waiter asks each diner what starter and while still at the table asks each diner what mains then repeat for dessert and drinks. I think the OP has lost it. No-one in their right mind thinks 2 or 3 are in any way reasonable. I had dinner at the Corinthia last week and orders were taken in the first way I described except for one of the party who said they'd choose a dessert later if they were not too full (of food)

[quote Judystilldreamsofhorses]@SenecaFallsRedux ignoring any class chat, is pudding a specific food thing in the US? Here I would say pudding in the same way other posters are saying dessert (I am in Scotland, or maybe just really common). A few years ago I had a wisdom tooth extracted and did a lot of “research” (obsessive Googling) and found a lot of American posters suggesting “pudding” was a good thing to eat afterwards, suggesting it was one type of soft dish?[/quote]
As a couple of other posters have said, yes, it's usually a soft custardy type dessert and comes in many flavors; butterscotch is one of my favorites.

But the best "pudding" is a dessert specific to the Southern US, called banana pudding. It's actually a type of trifle: vanilla wafers or sometimes shortbread cookies, layered with bananas and soft vanilla custard, topped with whipped cream or meringue. Highly recommended.

That looks delicious! I am not a huge custard fan, but I do like it in a trifle.

I think it sounds like your DP has eaten out more than you have.

It’s correct to say “I’ll have the pate then the cod”.

And not saying the whole name of the dish, just the main word/ingredient.

I just take the lead from the waiting staff and what works best for them. Don’t necessarily think there’s a right and wrong way.

When I waitressed years ago, I took the drinks orders first, followed by each person's complete food order, ensuring I asked the ladies first.
Ordering courses by individual takes far too long and encourages people to faff and probably forget what they want by the time you get to taking orders for puddings

In my experience people always order starter and main at the same time. I don't think I've ever seen it done the way you describe. Sounds very tedious! Drinks are usually done separately, but it's often wine for the whole table and usually ordered earlier than food.

Formally, and traditionally, dessert comes after pudding -- a separate course of fruit, dried fruit, nuts, dessert wine. At an Oxford High Table, for instance, you will eat pudding (tart, syllabub, actual pudding, whatever), then file out to another room for dessert, which will be spread out on a table, along with madeira, port, sometimes snuff

At my Oxford College High Table, we actually call it "dessert" and "second dessert". Ridiculous I know!

Pudding is NOT dessert. dessert is usually fruit eaten after the pudding to refresh your mouth. Served before coffee and Port (for men) and petit fours.
The courses are: entrée-soup-fish-main-salad or sorbet (palate cleanser) pudding-dessert-cheese-coffee-petit fours.
Amuse-bouche are sometimes offered freely before diners are seated. Drinks are usually ordered first in the better restaurants and the sommelier will explain and advise. The best choice is usually the 3rd up from cheapest.

As a waitress I like all starters.. then all mains. Usually on our POS we have different screens for different courses and it’s easier to do each course at a time. Then we can easily check we have everyone’s orders.

And yes to Pudding being the correct term! I don’t call (the sweet course) it dessert. It’s pudding!

If drinks have not been done either order drinks then come back for food or all at the same time. As someone who used to be a waitress I would struggle to remember any time that people order starters then mains, how much work are you trying to create for people!