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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we crazy - WWYD?

308 replies

Corneliafunk · 22/02/2022 08:00

DH and I have won a trip away for 3 nights towards the end of next month!! We have to decide soon what we will do, but taking the kids with us is not an option. We are thinking of leaving them at home alone. They are 13 and 15 years. I have confidence/trust that they will keep to the usual routine during this time and get themselves off to school on the bus etc. The eldest one does most of the cooking anyway, so can do dinners ok although we would keep everything simple while we were away. They do argue but say they will spend most of the time separately in their rooms. Their grandmother lives nearby and can keep an eye on them. Alternatively, she could come to stay but doesn't keep great health so we can't really rely on this. She is also v worried about Covid..
And Covid is in some of the local schools. We have been told to prepare them for remote learning if there aren't enough teachers available on-site (which we have done).

We have friends who could each take one, but the kids don't want to do this and it would mean mattresses on the floor and disruption for our friends, altho they wouldn't mind for the short time. The prize means the distance we will be away is a couple of hours by car, but then a short boat ride to an island in a lake which sounds very cool! Not sure about cell coverage, but suspect not.
Would you think the kids are old enough and just do it and leave them at home alone (which is what we want to do), or should we make some sort of arrangement for them where they are with adults even if it is just in the evenings? Would you think we could leave them even in the knowledge that remote learning could suddenly be required while we are away?

YANBU - leave the kids at home alone
YABU- don't leave the kids home alone

OP posts:
FudgeSundae · 22/02/2022 08:02

Sorry, too young to be alone for 3 nights I would say. One night or a day trip less concerned.

justamumseekingadvice · 22/02/2022 08:03

Too young to be left for that amount of time. Can someone stay at your home with them?

R0tational · 22/02/2022 08:03

I am quite lax and I wouldn't do this... I don't think. Main reason being if they invited friends back spontaneously. If the grandmother could stay that would be best.

Vallmo47 · 22/02/2022 08:05

Nope.

Unmute · 22/02/2022 08:05

I wouldn't be comfortable being so far away and potentially uncontactable. They're too young.

monkeysox · 22/02/2022 08:05

Gran needs to stay with them.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 22/02/2022 08:06

Too young. If a 13 year old student told me this I would have to pass it onto our safe guarding lead to explore further.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/02/2022 08:07

This is always a strange one, because my first reaction was too young, the grandma needs to stay. But actually, a 15 year old is probably 'better' in any emergency than an elderly lady.
It should be fine, but very very regular check ins with friends/grandma etc.
congratulations!

Cdmlover · 22/02/2022 08:08

I wouldn’t leave my 15 and 13 year olds alone for 3 days. I would opt for the friends’ offer or would not go away.

There is too much that could go wrong.

Ragwort · 22/02/2022 08:08

Can the gran really not come and stay?

Alternatively you (or DH) goes alone or with a friend and leaves the other adult at home.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/02/2022 08:09

How close is grandma?

Newmumatlast · 22/02/2022 08:09

Honestly? It wouldnt even cross my mind to do this however capable they were. How capable would they be if someone broke in? If a house fire happened? Etc. Yes unlikely but in a crisis I would want to be there. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if something went wrong because I wanted to enjoy a free trip. So I would get them appropriate adult supervision or not go.

Lagattolove · 22/02/2022 08:09

I would ask Gran to sleep there. She doesn’t need to be around even in the evening just overnight would give me peace of mind.

Iloveacurry · 22/02/2022 08:12

No way. They’re too young.

PurpleNebula84 · 22/02/2022 08:12

The children definitely need an adult.

Although the law doesn't specifically state what age a child can be left over night, the general consensus/guidance is not to be left over night under the age of 16.
Copied this from gov.uk:
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

WouldIwasShookspeared · 22/02/2022 08:14

Hmm. Two teenagers alone for a few days. What will they do, what will they do? 🤔🤔🤔

Are we crazy - WWYD?
arethereanyleftatall · 22/02/2022 08:16

I'm not saying I would do this, but going through the scenarios of what might go wrong...

  1. Intruder. 15 yr old superior to gran here?
  2. Fire. Just need to get out. Again, a 15 & 13 yr old could do this.

I think when we decide what age to leave our own kids we don't/won't do it unless we think they would handle each emergency scenario perfectly. But, post child age, many many people live alone who are vulnerable, so maybe we should compare to that rather than Bruce Willis or something? Just musing. For example, I'm an adult, but quite a frightened, weak character - I would be useless in an intruder situation - my 13yo would be better.

Original poster
Corneliafunk · 22/02/2022 08:16

Thanks for your responses - they are giving me pause for thought. I am only considering leaving for the 3 nights as the elder one is mature for their age and has been seen as a 'leader' by others. We would be gone from a Sunday late afternoon and then back Wednesday afternoon. Where we live is a village away from the schools the kids go to, so their friends can't really drop in on them - it requires organizing and lifts in the car which is normally a bit of a pain, but in this case, gives us more assurance that other teenagers won't be calling by while we aren't there.

OP posts:
HoldingTheDoor · 22/02/2022 08:19

They need an adult, at least overnight.

EmiliaAirheart · 22/02/2022 08:20

Hugely irresponsible to even consider this.

Sausagedogsarethebest · 22/02/2022 08:21

No way would I ever consider doing this. A couple of hours by car, and a boat ride? What if there was an emergency? Also you speculate there may not even be phone coverage on the island. I personally think 13 and 15 is too young to be left for 3 nights.

GoldenGorilla · 22/02/2022 08:22

Nope, they are too young. I wouldn’t consider it until the eldest was 16 as a minimum and even then I prob wouldn’t.

FWIW we were left home at 17, 14, 9 and 7 and we were safe but it was a really hard unpleasant week for us all.

notheretoplay · 22/02/2022 08:23

I don’t think it’s an issue to leave them however they’re your kids. You know them best and you know if they’ll be fine. 15 year olds are usually responsible. I have a 13 year old sister who’s so mature and can literally look after herself. If she had someone in the house a couple years older than her, my mum would defo leave them for a few nights but again, only you really know

Retrievemysanity · 22/02/2022 08:24

How do your kids feel about it and do they have any preferences? Some kids would be happy with this and others wouldn’t like it at all. Have you left them overnight together before or would this be the first time? I think it is a bit young and too long really especially as you do have other options available to you, the obvious one being grandma. I don’t think it’s so much having her there in case something goes wrong more a bit of moral support and some extra company for the kids. However, if you regularly leave them together for long periods and have left them overnight before then it’s not so much of an issue.

WhatsitWiggle · 22/02/2022 08:24

The 15 year old sounds fine but not the 13 year old, I'd want them to have an adult with them overnight.