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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we crazy - WWYD?

308 replies

Corneliafunk · 22/02/2022 08:00

DH and I have won a trip away for 3 nights towards the end of next month!! We have to decide soon what we will do, but taking the kids with us is not an option. We are thinking of leaving them at home alone. They are 13 and 15 years. I have confidence/trust that they will keep to the usual routine during this time and get themselves off to school on the bus etc. The eldest one does most of the cooking anyway, so can do dinners ok although we would keep everything simple while we were away. They do argue but say they will spend most of the time separately in their rooms. Their grandmother lives nearby and can keep an eye on them. Alternatively, she could come to stay but doesn't keep great health so we can't really rely on this. She is also v worried about Covid..
And Covid is in some of the local schools. We have been told to prepare them for remote learning if there aren't enough teachers available on-site (which we have done).

We have friends who could each take one, but the kids don't want to do this and it would mean mattresses on the floor and disruption for our friends, altho they wouldn't mind for the short time. The prize means the distance we will be away is a couple of hours by car, but then a short boat ride to an island in a lake which sounds very cool! Not sure about cell coverage, but suspect not.
Would you think the kids are old enough and just do it and leave them at home alone (which is what we want to do), or should we make some sort of arrangement for them where they are with adults even if it is just in the evenings? Would you think we could leave them even in the knowledge that remote learning could suddenly be required while we are away?

YANBU - leave the kids at home alone
YABU- don't leave the kids home alone

OP posts:
Lalliella · 22/02/2022 08:43

What are your neighbours like OP? We left DD 15 alone for a night recently, she was supposed to be going to a friend's but then decided she wanted to stay home. She had phone numbers for all the neighbours, and we have CCTV. All was fine.

Spongecakeandcoffee · 22/02/2022 08:44

No you can't leave them home alone for 3 nights.

They are too young.

Chestofdraws · 22/02/2022 08:44

@Movingonup22

Why is your 15 year old doing most of the cooking for the household?
Yeah I was thinking that too
AladdinPrincess999 · 22/02/2022 08:44

I stopped at "leaving the kids 13 & 15 for 3 nights"

Absolutely not!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 22/02/2022 08:45

What on Earth are you on about “at least if MIL gets ill we will at least endeavoured to provide for then”. That’s a dreadful attitude. You can’t just shrug off your parental responsibility with a “well at least I tried”.

neverbeenskiing · 22/02/2022 08:46

This would give me peace of mind while we were gone - that said it could be all organized but by day 2 of our absence she is unwell. Guess we would have at least endeavored to provide some oversight of the kids.

Sorry but I don't think this is good enough. If your MIL is in such poor health that you know there's a good chance she'll be unable to provide adequate supervision by day 2 then she's not a suitable person to be in sole charge of your DC, however lovely she is. You can't leave her in charge knowing full well she might not be up to it and then let yourselves of the hook by saying "oh well, at least we tried" if it all goes wrong.

KateTheEighth · 22/02/2022 08:46

@Duracellbunnywannabe

Too young. If a 13 year old student told me this I would have to pass it onto our safe guarding lead to explore further.

This

mariotime · 22/02/2022 08:46

If anything happened, not only are your children at risk of harm but you could be prosecuted.

If I knew about this I would report it. I imagine school would too as they have a duty to safeguard.

Babadook76 · 22/02/2022 08:47

I wouldn’t leave a 15yo alone for 3 nights. 1 maybe, but not 3. If I found out a 13yo had been left home alone while her parents went on holiday I’d phone social services

Figgygal · 22/02/2022 08:47

15 year old on own maybe
15 year old in charge of 13 yo no way

KateTheEighth · 22/02/2022 08:48

@Corneliafunk

love the photo *@WouldIwasShookspeared*! :) That would definitely be one of our worst nightmares - wouldn't be even thinking of leaving if I believed there was the slightest chance of this. I have decided I will talk to my MIL who lives a 5-minute drive away and see whether she could help us out at all. She is lovely and I know she wouldn't mind in the normal course of events. This would give me peace of mind while we were gone - that said it could be all organized but by day 2 of our absence she is unwell. Guess we would have at least endeavored to provide some oversight of the kids. Interesting though as I did think DH and I were not totally unreasonable in what we were thinking of doing. It is useful to check parenting views with others though that's for sure.

"Endeavouring to provide oversight for your children" is a really low parenting bar

Lemons1571 · 22/02/2022 08:49

@MayMorris have you ever had a house fire and had to deal with it and the consequences?

It is a huge, huge nightmare. Getting out of the house, whilst the most important thing, is only one small part of what needs to be done to deal with the situation and the aftermath.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/02/2022 08:49

15yo.. maybe. I kept an eye on my neighbours 15yo once when she had to go away at short notice for work for one night. (And the school knew incidentally... the mum was one of the teachers!)

13yo... no way.

SoupDragon · 22/02/2022 08:50

Where we live is a village away from the schools the kids go to, so their friends can't really drop in on them - it requires organizing and lifts in the car which is normally a bit of a pain, but in this case, gives us more assurance that other teenagers won't be calling by while we aren't there.

Unless they come home from school with them and stay.

Spongecakeandcoffee · 22/02/2022 08:50

To the pp who said that no one knows what they'd do in a fire/emergency.

That is true, but at 13 and 15 the children are the responsibility of their parents. You can't just leave them and hope for the best just because they parents might be shit in an emergency situation too.

Darbs76 · 22/02/2022 08:51

Yeah sorry at 13 & 15 it’s a no from me. Too young if there was an emergency etc. Mine are 14 & 17 and both sensible enough to be left but i’d only do it in an emergency not for a holiday. Yes if the grandma came to stay obviously but no they are too young to stay completely alone for 3 days

BoristalkedaboutBruno22 · 22/02/2022 08:52

I was left at a similar age, for my parent to go on a cheap package holiday. Older sibling was 17. It ended badly

Babadook76 · 22/02/2022 08:52

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

What on Earth are you on about “at least if MIL gets ill we will at least endeavoured to provide for then”. That’s a dreadful attitude. You can’t just shrug off your parental responsibility with a “well at least I tried”.
I agree. Her reasons why she thinks this is ok are piss poor. She’s more concerned about appearing to make attempts to keep her kids safe, rather than actually keeping them safe.
everybodystalking · 22/02/2022 08:52

Interesting thread:
I have teenage children, I am curious why it's the leaving overnight that is seen as the main issue.....fires, breakins, accidents and fights are statistically more likely during the daytime and yet we worry about night times.
For context I have worked throughout the pandemic in the NHS, long hours ....my children were home schooling ...as were the majority of the population. Whilst everyone else was making soda bread and supervising school work I was at work....admittedly only 15 monutes away and contactable.
Was I negligent? and what would you have preferred me to do?

maudmadrigal · 22/02/2022 08:53

I have a super-sensible and competent 15 year old, and 13 year olds, and wouldn't even consider this, even though we have close relatives living within a stone's throw of the house. Sorry.

I hope you get to go, but if the solution is leaving the kids on their own, my personal view is that you can't do it.

everybodystalking · 22/02/2022 08:54

to add my two pennyworth, I also would be uncomfortable with the length of time and the lack of contactability for you OP...but as you can see form my post above I'm wondering how rational that is. Depending on the children/young people

axolotlfloof · 22/02/2022 08:54

Mine are 14 and 12.
But only a few months off 15, and 13.
Perhaps my children are very different to yours but I think they would struggle to get up eat breakfast, and get to school reliably for 3 days without anyone there.
I think they both would stay up really late, and eat badly. They would also fight, even if they promised they wouldn't.
I wouldn't be able to have a relaxing few days away.

Clymene · 22/02/2022 08:54

Have you ever left them for any period of time before? I wouldn't leave mine and yes, if your children mention it to school they will raise a safeguarding concern

Fedupbuyer · 22/02/2022 08:55

I was left alone at 15 when my parents went abroad,I refused to go,my Nan did come an check up on me,
This was a time when no one had mobile phones or the internet!

Snoken · 22/02/2022 08:56

I was left home alone for 4-5 nights when I was 14, I loved it and had parties every night. This was in the early 90's so no mobile phones, and my parents went abroad.

However, the world has changed since then, and I would never have done it with my own kids at that age. Absolutely fine with them being home alone all day, but just not over night. For me, it's mainly because we live in a house that is situated in an area where there seems to be break-ins pretty much every other night. Sometimes the burglars are scared off by people being at home or alarms, sometimes horrible things happen to the people living there. I just could not go away and enjoy myself knowing about the risks. If we lived in a flat where we knew the neighbours well, then I might consider it.

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