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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we crazy - WWYD?

308 replies

Corneliafunk · 22/02/2022 08:00

DH and I have won a trip away for 3 nights towards the end of next month!! We have to decide soon what we will do, but taking the kids with us is not an option. We are thinking of leaving them at home alone. They are 13 and 15 years. I have confidence/trust that they will keep to the usual routine during this time and get themselves off to school on the bus etc. The eldest one does most of the cooking anyway, so can do dinners ok although we would keep everything simple while we were away. They do argue but say they will spend most of the time separately in their rooms. Their grandmother lives nearby and can keep an eye on them. Alternatively, she could come to stay but doesn't keep great health so we can't really rely on this. She is also v worried about Covid..
And Covid is in some of the local schools. We have been told to prepare them for remote learning if there aren't enough teachers available on-site (which we have done).

We have friends who could each take one, but the kids don't want to do this and it would mean mattresses on the floor and disruption for our friends, altho they wouldn't mind for the short time. The prize means the distance we will be away is a couple of hours by car, but then a short boat ride to an island in a lake which sounds very cool! Not sure about cell coverage, but suspect not.
Would you think the kids are old enough and just do it and leave them at home alone (which is what we want to do), or should we make some sort of arrangement for them where they are with adults even if it is just in the evenings? Would you think we could leave them even in the knowledge that remote learning could suddenly be required while we are away?

YANBU - leave the kids at home alone
YABU- don't leave the kids home alone

OP posts:
Member869894 · 22/02/2022 08:25

They are just that bit too young and your stay is just that bit too young for them to be left alone. Get granny over

neverbeenskiing · 22/02/2022 08:25

I'm not generally risk-averse but there is no way I would leave a 13 year old and a 15 year old alone for 3 nights.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 22/02/2022 08:25

@Corneliafunk

Thanks for your responses - they are giving me pause for thought. I am only considering leaving for the 3 nights as the elder one is mature for their age and has been seen as a 'leader' by others. We would be gone from a Sunday late afternoon and then back Wednesday afternoon. Where we live is a village away from the schools the kids go to, so their friends can't really drop in on them - it requires organizing and lifts in the car which is normally a bit of a pain, but in this case, gives us more assurance that other teenagers won't be calling by while we aren't there.
Parties will find a way.

Look at me breaking all MN unwritten rules with emoticons and pictures and everything.
Hashtag rebel as the young people say.
Or don't. Probably.

Are we crazy - WWYD?
Classicblunder · 22/02/2022 08:26

I don't think gran is a good idea - if she is really inform, she might end up needing them to look after her. Doesn't sound like she would be able to deal with an intruder. I would go for the friends

DrManhattan · 22/02/2022 08:26

I reckon you are just trying to convince yourself it's OK.

MayMorris · 22/02/2022 08:27

@Newmumatlast

Honestly? It wouldnt even cross my mind to do this however capable they were. How capable would they be if someone broke in? If a house fire happened? Etc. Yes unlikely but in a crisis I would want to be there. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if something went wrong because I wanted to enjoy a free trip. So I would get them appropriate adult supervision or not go.
I always hate these what to do in fire or if get broken into No one, whatever their age know# how they will react- becuase both scenarios are scary. They are scary situations for teenagers with or without you being there. All children from a very young age(eg nursery) ar3 used to fire practice and idea of fire alarms. Teenagers certainly have been taught how to respond in fire by that age. You as parents, or even without kids, should have a plan around how to get out the house in case of fire and be testing alarms regularly- involve kids in that . If you were leaving 13 year old on their own then this is something you can go over again in space of less than 30 mins before you leave. It ain’t complex, alarm goes, leave. Don’t try to fight the fire, get out and call 999. That is it🤷🏼‍♀️. In all honestly I guess I’d be far more devastated in after arty than teenage kids becuase they don’t understand the emotional cost and hassle in dealing with aftermath at that age. And as for the what if someone broke in? As a adult when I’d be terrified same as then. What would I do differently from them. Again, they’d phone 999 if the could and even small children who’ve been taught how to call 999 are capable of that. Sure, leaving kids alone is a difficult decision, but to trot out the old line of what if there’s a fire or broken into as if most adults are magically more capable of being calm and knowledgable versus the average teenager in this situation is utterly ridiculous
LizzieSiddal · 22/02/2022 08:28

Too young for 3 nights on their own with you so far away and probably no phone signal! They should go and stay with a friend.

KylieCharlene · 22/02/2022 08:30

Friends.
No way would I leave them.

Lulu1919 · 22/02/2022 08:30

Hi
I wouldn't personally and my children were mature - BUT I'm a worrier and I wouldn't have relaxed knowing there were home alone .
Do you know a family with an older teen ...that could stay over ...at least from tea time to going to school time ?
Even a friend in the village that might have them after school and stay over to see them off in a morning ?

FirewomanSam · 22/02/2022 08:32

I think only you really know how your kids would fare in this situation. Personally I think a 15/16 year old would be ok for a night, depending on the particular child of course. Maybe with a sensible friend to stay with them.

Three nights is too long though, and with a 13 year old in the mix I’d say definitely not.

Original poster
Corneliafunk · 22/02/2022 08:32

love the photo @WouldIwasShookspeared! :)
That would definitely be one of our worst nightmares - wouldn't be even thinking of leaving if I believed there was the slightest chance of this.
I have decided I will talk to my MIL who lives a 5-minute drive away and see whether she could help us out at all. She is lovely and I know she wouldn't mind in the normal course of events. This would give me peace of mind while we were gone - that said it could be all organized but by day 2 of our absence she is unwell. Guess we would have at least endeavored to provide some oversight of the kids.
Interesting though as I did think DH and I were not totally unreasonable in what we were thinking of doing. It is useful to check parenting views with others though that's for sure.

OP posts:
rainbowandglitter · 22/02/2022 08:32

No way. How can you even consider this? It's common sense surely? Like a pp has pointed out, the NSPCC website states that under 16s shouldn't be left alone overnight let alone 2 of them together for 3 nights.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 22/02/2022 08:34

When I was 13 I got up to all sorts and my parents had no idea. No way could a 15 year old sibling have kept a proper eye on me.

kavalkada · 22/02/2022 08:35

I was 13 when my parents left me first time for a weekend, and when I was 15 it was quite normal. I was quite sensibile child and nothing band happened.

I, on the other hand, probably wouldn't do that. Mine are much younger (oldest is 7), but he was never alone for 5 minutes in his life. When I was 7 I was alone for 5-6 hours before my parents returned from work.

AngelinaFibres · 22/02/2022 08:36

Totally mad. Unbelievable that you could even think of it for that length of time. They may have the maturity to bumble about in the house for a day but they certainly don't have the maturity to deal with a crisis situation.

HollowTalk · 22/02/2022 08:36

It's completely irresponsible. If you ever need to check whether you're being unreasonable, think of it as a Daily Mail headline.

"A couple go off on holiday leaving young teens at home alone"

Can you imagine the comments?

Chestofdraws · 22/02/2022 08:38

I’m also surprised you’d consider this and your statement that if your mil gets Ill then at least you endeaveroed to provide for them is quite disturbing.

Of course you can’t bugger off on holiday for three days and just leave them, I don’t understand why you’d even consider it.

HTH1 · 22/02/2022 08:38

Yes if it were one night but I think this is too long and you need to sort out one of the supervision options.

sparklefarts · 22/02/2022 08:39

Absolutely not.

If you really want to go then I wouldn't care how the kids felt they would be at friends for a couple of nights on a mattress. They'll get over it.

GetYourEightYearOldOutOfATree · 22/02/2022 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Totalwasteofpaper · 22/02/2022 08:40

Grandma needs to stay overnight....

JohannSebastianBach · 22/02/2022 08:40

The 15 year old alone, maybe.
Expecting a 15 year old to be responsible for the 13 year old, no way. I think that would be really unfair on the 15 year old.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 22/02/2022 08:42

An absolute no. In any event. But additional factors against are that you might not even have phone contact and there won’t be people “popping in”.

You say your DC argue and will largely be keeping to their own rooms. This essentially means you would be leaving your 13 year old, unsupervised, for 3 nights without even the safeguard of being sure of being able to contact you.

Will you be telling the children not to say anything at school about having been left alone? Or are you content that the school knows? If my 13 year old told me a friend of theirs had been left overnight in these circumstances I’d alert the school. It’s the sort of thing that would likely get referred to Children’s Services for a safeguarding check.

I’d just send them to a friend each.

underneaththeash · 22/02/2022 08:42

You can't leave a 15 year old alone for three nights (I have a mature 15 year old as well and a 13 year old).

You would legally be liable if anything were to happen.

Movingonup22 · 22/02/2022 08:43

Why is your 15 year old doing most of the cooking for the household?