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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

296 replies

AlJalilia · 22/02/2022 00:01

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

OP posts:
HiJenny35 · 22/02/2022 00:09

Oh they definitely are, but I'm sorry how hilariously rude, this is exactly the sort of thing my mil would do, she regifts us the gifts we have given her the previous Christmas every year, now we just get her stuff we like. Yes it's rude, yes they would be furious if you did it back but with some cheeky fs you just have to laugh and shake your head.

Wnkingawalrus · 22/02/2022 00:13

You lost me at there being that many engagement presents.

1000yellowdaisies · 22/02/2022 00:14

So sorry Op i am stifling soke giggles here :) it definitely sounds like they are doing that. Pretty impressive that they have managed to actually avoid buying any presents for you and DH for 25 years 😀

StarsAndSugarlumps · 22/02/2022 00:16

OMG yes, I think they are. That’s both awful and funny (really sorry!)

1000yellowdaisies · 22/02/2022 00:17

@Wnkingawalrus

You lost me at there being that many engagement presents.
Xmas and birthday presents for 25 years, so 50 or so presents ... Entirely believable. Op does say that sometimes the presents were smaller items like a bread knife
LemonViolet · 22/02/2022 00:18

Ha. Oh sorry it’s not funny OP but it kinda is funny too.

Surely your husband knows what his engagement presents that he left at his parents house were though? Has he not recognised any of them?

You can’t let them know you know. Be over the top enthusiastic about each one, keep doing the asking where they came from so you can get more (or your friend wants one etc), or you looked it up online and you’re so impressed they were able to get hold of this piece from the 1995 collection that is quite collectible and hard to find now…..Grin

newnameforthis76 · 22/02/2022 00:19

‘Engagement gifts’? Is that a thing? If people were buying canteens of cutlery and and sets of crockery for his engagement, what were they going to give him for his actual wedding?!

Twofurrycats · 22/02/2022 00:20

I have visions of a Miss Havisham-esque room of engagement presents.
I wouldn't be happy but it is a combination of awful and funny.

HeddaGarbled · 22/02/2022 00:21

Ah well, he didn’t get the love of his life but at least he got the tea towels.

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil · 22/02/2022 00:23

I think that's hilarious, id be laughing at it more than anything else Grin

Tbh if gifts from a failed engagement way back when are evoking jealousy you've got bigger issues than stingy parents in law.

BornBlonde · 22/02/2022 00:23

Agree they're gifting the engagement gifts.

Please tell us what the broken gift was they gave you and what did you say!?

Weenurse · 22/02/2022 00:24

Could DH ask them?

Lou98 · 22/02/2022 00:24

Definitely sounds like that's what they're doing.

Although, they probably decided they wanted to do something with them since your Husband just left everything unboxed at their house without ever sorting it 🤔

Did he ever actually go through the presents at all and if so does he not recognise any of it? What did he think his parents were going to do with the stuff since he didn't sort any of it?

Twofurrycats · 22/02/2022 00:26

@newnameforthis76
It was a thing when I was a teenager I remember my mum and dad going to quite a few friend's children's engagement parties. These would be couples who weren't living together so by the time you'd had engagement, wedding and house warming you were kitted out. Or had 5 toasters and 3 fondue sets.

toomuchlaundry · 22/02/2022 00:26

I remember getting cards when we got engaged but not presents

BeckonCall · 22/02/2022 00:27

You lost me at there being that many engagement presents.

We had a big engagement party with 80+ guests. Definitely would have had at least 50 engagement gifts. They weren't as big as wedding gifts but lots of lovely stuff. Granted that was 25 years ago so maybe it's not commonly done now.

OP wouldn't your husband recognise them if he got them as engagement gifts?

Lockdownbear · 22/02/2022 00:30

Thats actually quite funny.

Have they given you the canteen of cutlery yet?

I think DH should invent some reason to go an raid their loft for the engagement gifts. Oh mum I heard of a Homeless / flood appeal / young adult setting up home / who is looking for house stuff I was thinking of donating my engagement gifts if there is anything some poor sod could make use of and get them out your way.

See what MIL says.

SeasonFinale · 22/02/2022 00:32

Start giving them back as their presents

Lockdownbear · 22/02/2022 00:35

Engagement parties and gifts were a thing around the 80s and 90s not heard of one in years since.

Choux · 22/02/2022 00:40

Never mind the engagement presents. Can you explain what you mean by 'Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th.'

You got a broken piece of rubbish for your 40th birthday???

BoldMove · 22/02/2022 00:40

Thats stingy but so funny.

Original poster
AlJalilia · 22/02/2022 00:46

The broken piece of rubbish was a watch. A broken watch. Which they said they'd found. I only had it on a couple of hours and the face fell of. I told FIL not to worry, I could get another one, and he said, "ah, but not of that quality."

Curious, I had a look at the brand on eBay. They were £5 new.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 22/02/2022 00:56

Stuff the regifted presents. I think it is more sad that you believe your DH ex to be the love of his life. Yet he seems to be content with you for 20 years. Has it only just dawned on you your mean in-laws are regifting you the engagement presents? I had an engagement party and got given a lot of engagement presents when I got engaged to first DH. In 1982 it was a common thing.

Choppingonions · 22/02/2022 01:01

It's strange that it's taken this long for it to occur to you but I'd be the same. I mean obviously that's what they've been doing. I can't believe you didn't smell a rat about the bread knife. Who gives a bread knife. This is funny not upsetting IMO. If you're not upset that your DH was a bit more starry eyed about his ex, I can't see how this could touch you.

starfishmummy · 22/02/2022 01:02

Doubly rude because your dh and his then ex fiancee should have returned the engagement gifts to the donors. That was what people used to do.

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