To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

[AlJalilia]

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

I had a bottom drawer (an old fashioned term where you dedicated an empty drawer as a place to save purchases towards your first home). The reality is, they were shoved in an empty cupboard but people had less possessions in the olden days 😁!

Engagement presents we’re definitely a thing in the UK in the 80s and I’d also recognise crockery from previous decades especially if it was pooular at the time.

The random gifts such as a bread knife were typical engagement presents.

I would ask them, you’ve been married to him for decades, watch her squirm.

Stingy bastards. The thing is, you wouldn’t have been given anything nice had it not been for these items, so you haven’t really missed out on good presents.

You should regift these items back once very used, preferably a bit broken with comments like they don’t make them like this anymore, do they?

@Tezza1

including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th

Next time you visit they'll be serving you up roadkill for dinner. Be wary of any suspicious looking protein.

Do you remember that poster whose ex-husband found a dead badger (at least I think it was a badger) and cooked it for his children.

Yes, he was homeless / wild camping or something.

I dont think this is funny at all. I dont think its funny that you seem resigned and accepting of the fact that your DH's 'love of their life' was their ex, that your in-laws disrespect you so much that they literally gift you rubbish for your birthday, and introduce gifts meant for your husband and his ex into your home every year by stealth. I think its insulting and like they all need a good kick up the arse. i also think you need to start raising your own standards of what you're prepared to accept as treatment of yourself!!! You sound absolutely lovely and like you dont deserve to be treated as their doormat or afterthought. Get mad!!!!

It's very stingy of them, and totally unreasonable but I don't think there's any need for you to be upset about it.

It was years ago, he's been with you for years, the things aren't inherently "Hers" as she never took possession of them - so what does it matter? They do belong to him though, so really all PILs have been doing is giving him his own stuff, which is, as said, really stingy and cheekyfucker of them.

@sashh

I'm Australian and my nan had 'glory boxes' ready for some of us older grandkids for our first homes.

I moved earlier than expected so mine was literally 2 washing baskets full of cleaning supplies, towells and mop, broom etc.

Lasted me ages!

Sorry OP, this is hilarious. A £5 broken watch is a comically awful gift for any occasion. And 25 years worth of regifted engagement presents is also hilarious.
You should do a ´lost and found’ secret santa with them instead of new gifts at xmas. They’d probably live it and you’ll feel less put out.

I donlt know about engagement gifts/parties in the 90's but definitely a thing in the 70s.
As others said many couples wouldn't have lived together before marrying, so started a home with nothing.
Small items like tea towels, bath mats, cups, soap dishes were common gifts.
When I was a child a "bottom drawer" was also a common thing for girls, my sister and I had one each. It was for our future family home when we married. My mother would put things like linen, towels, bed sheets, cutlery away for us so we had a supply when we married.

I love insane posts like this.

You just can't take people this bonkers seriously 🤪

I would just enjoy trolling them... have a favorite gin or wine or bubble bath or whatever and ask for that EVERY birthday and Christmas.

“Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th.” oh gosh that’s made me giggle (sorry)!

YANBU it sounds like they have been regifting. My aunt does it, I’ve received gifts for Christmas that I’ve previously bought for her. I’ve had packs of nail varnish where the mixture has separated - lovely. I know she does it with smellies too, one day I picture someone opening a hand cream to find it’s either completely disintegrated or is a foul gunk.

We have a no present rule now. Christmas just gone was the last time we will swap gifts.

Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th
!!!?!???????!!????
Incredible!!!! Did they tell you that? What was it

You really have to see the funny side of this. Try guessing what you're going to get every year. They must be scraping the bottom of the barrel after 25 years. Have you had a read made yet? Soda stream?

Sorry, Teasmade not ready made, I meant!!

I would ask to see all the engagement gifts in the basement and then watch their faces, so rude but your husband must have recognised at least one of the presents

@JangolinaPitt

Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th !!!?!???????!!???? Incredible!!!! Did they tell you that? What was it

If you RTFT, it's explained by OP.

This is brilliant - it wouldn't be brilliant if you were like 6 months or a year into the relationship, but now?
God I'd laugh out loud in front of them the next time we had 1 of these from them.

Between the engagement party and just before the wedding were the gifts not opened and used?

Got to be honest, if my son left a load of unused household items in my house and never did anything about getting rid of them for 25 years, I'd probably be doing the same thing!

Sounds like they could well have been regifting given their.. frugal nature.
That being said, why on earth hasn’t your husband cleared his shit out of their house?! Can’t believe he’s just left engagement presents from 25 years ago just sat around in their home. Chuck it or donate it for goodness sake.

To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine

This is the sentence that stood out for me. You have lived for over a quarter of a century thinking you are the inferior second choice. It's really sad that after all this time you still feel less loved than his childhood ex. No wonder you are insecure about how his family views you.

It doesn't really matter whether your PIL are regifting or not. That's their problem - they might be stingy or they might just be frugal. It really doesn't matter. What matters here are your feelings of low self worth. I would strongly suggest you get some counselling to discuss to try and unpick all this in a safe space.

@PyongyangKipperbang

I am aware that I am ageing myself simply by using the phrase Bottom Drawer which I guess a lot of younger MNers wont have a clue about!

I know what you mean! Also is your un a reference to the book ptang yang kipper bang? I read that at school 😂

Gosh I must be old I'm sat here thinking, what, do people not buy engagement presents anymore?

Well your DH is a CF to not have returned the gifts and to expect his parents to provide indefinite storage.
I don't blame them tbh

@Faevern no i don't think so I had an engagement party in 99's lots of gifts. Got engaged five years ago no gifts but didn't throw party as no one I know has engagement parties anymore .

I can't believe the presents weren't returned when the engagement was broken- isn't that just good manners?