To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

[AlJalilia]

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

How terribly sad that you've been living in the shadow of an ex fiance for all those years. I presume he was with her for a lot less than you but you think she was the love of his life? She wasn't. She was a past girlfriend who didn't even care enough to stick around. That's not what loves of life's do. This feeling is Probably compounded by the PILs. You're an amazing person who cares so much for him that you think it's 'fine' he may love his past girlfriend more than you. He's bloody lucky to have you. And just laugh at PILs and dint let them bother you.

When we told mil I was pregnant and dh had left the room she hissed in my face that his ex wanted his babies!!
She kept her distance when we had ds. We moved away whe he was a few months old. Haven't seen her for 7 years... Not a peep.
Listen to what they are saying op... All of them.

"Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th".
This made me laugh out loud! What the hell was it?!

@Violinist64

Oh, Eternal Beau. We nearly went for that but had Marks and Spencer Harvest for our everyday set instead - the other most popular design of that era. Our church now has a lot of Eternal Beau, second hand, which has replaced a lot of the Woods Berylware, the utility design that was ubiquitous in church and village halls up and down the country for decades.

Haha, I've just Googled M&S Harvest I'm sure my Granny had the chopping board and someone else had the crockery- but I can't remember who. Can't believe you remember the name of it.

They could be buying stuff in Charity shops! Isn t the important thing that your DH is with you and happy ... dont look back He was dumped and then found you. Stop thinking about it Dont drag up the past Its good MIL is recycling stuff which you are happily using

I don’t think PIL would ever visit a charity shop. They may be tight, but they would see themselves as too good for someone else’s old crap.

This is sitcom territory, awful for you but bloody hilarious. You should investigate your in laws exes and start bringing them into the conversation.

@Dinoteeth we still have quite a lot of Harvest. The teapot makes the best cups of tea.

@AlJalilia

The broken piece of rubbish was a watch. A broken watch. Which they said they'd found. I only had it on a couple of hours and the face fell of. I told FIL not to worry, I could get another one, and he said, "ah, but not of that quality."

Curious, I had a look at the brand on eBay. They were £5 new.

Omg, that is absolutely tragic. The face fell off. I'm surprised they didn't claim it was meant to do that! They may be visited by the ghost of Christmas past anyday.

They are defo regifting the engagement presents.

There is only one answer to this
You simply must regift them back on their birthdays and Xmas

Or why don’t you ask DH to go round and ask them for all the gifts ( because they belong to him) and say he wants them.
Then both of you could take them to a charity shop

This had made me remember that I got a sapphire necklace that my Uncle had bought for his fiancée, when they split up. I was only 15, and I did end up wearing it a lot. At least it didn't go to waste. I wonder whatever happened to the ring....? hmm

So are you saying the PIL still have the engagement ring returned by the EX?
If so , your DH to ask them for it. Al least you’d have finally got one decent gift and you Couid sell it if you don’t want it

Thing is though, these items aren’t theirs to give. What a strange thing you must be the only perso out of the four of you who didn’t know this was happening so it’s like it’s all acted out for your benefit. I think you should talk to your partner about and yes get these items taken to charity. What a strange thing!

Thing is though, these items aren’t theirs to give.

I disagree. If I had all of my child’s engagement gifts dumped on me (OP indicates DH basically left it all with his parents and wanted nothing to do with it), then I’d feel I had a right to do anything I wanted with it. What are they meant to do - have it all stacked in neat piles in their house for 25 years because ‘it’s not theirs’ to do what they want with? In that situation, you bet I’d be gifting the stuff out left, right and centre to shift the shit from my house? Why not, what’s the difference between them taking it to a charity store or gifting it? It was made their problem and they are solving it .

@alllborgia, would those be the hard rubbish days which get the occasional mention in episodes of 'Neighbours', where a group of them always go for a roam to see if they can find anything worth having?

@MuddlingMackem - the very same. It brings out the hoarder in everyone.

I may have previously threatened dh that, if he insisted on stopping to look, I'll drive away

@blubberyboo

Or why don’t you ask DH to go round and ask them for all the gifts ( because they belong to him) and say he wants them. Then both of you could take them to a charity shop

I wonder if they could charge him for storage. I say this as the mother of a very adult child who still has boxes of crap in my two spare bedrooms and the loft. He constantly promises to sort them but it doesn't happen. I've been storing them for 10 years since he left home. What do you think would be a fair charge for storage? I might tell him I'm going to starting invoicing him.

The tragedy of it all is I have a hoarder for a husband so we are paying for 2 storage unit for all his "collection" and I have a strong urge to set fire to all their stuff and lead a minimalist (and perhaps solo) life.

To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine.

What.. why would you think that? Out of your whole post this is what struck me. Your husband may love you differently not less otherwise he wouldn't be your husband. He experienced his first heartbreak (I'm asuming) so he is going to have an emotional connection. That's doesn't mean he loved her more...
It's very sad that you have thought in the back of your mind.

Why does it matter if she is gifting it to you? If it's nice keep it, if not pay it forward.

Sorry that did make me laugh.

My brother got married just a few years ago and they had an engagement party and received those sorts of gifts. My SIL had them on the stairs to take up tripped and broke her wrist a couple of months before the wedding.

Haha maybe
I wouldn’t say “unhappy” but I would definitely find a charity shop near her and gif them back or even better. I would wrap them all and gift them back slowly on special occasions and watch for the reaction !

See if she will remember…. Haha that’s a fun game