To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

[AlJalilia]

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

Well it's a bonus that you like the stuff so there's that.

Your insecurity about your place in your dh's affections is sad and hopefully down to your own insecurities rather than his behaviour.

Engagement parties and gifts were a thing around the 80s and 90s not heard of one in years since.

Probably makes sense. We all have too much stuff in our lives anyway.

I think it’s unlikely you got engagement presents for 25 years. She is probably regifting some of her stuff or gifts she doesn’t want or buys your gifts at the local charity shop.

Enagement parties where a thing back when being engaged wasnt just an excuse for a woman to wear a ring. It genuinely meant "We are getting married soon" and the wedding planning started immediately, and it was all about getting married rather than "THE DAY OF MY DREAMS!!!!". So the gifts would reflect that with lots of Bottom Drawer stuff on the cheaper end of the scale with the more expensive stuff as a Wedding gift. Every guest knew that they were setting up the newly weds in their new home, as they had been set up in their turn, paying it forward if you will.

I am aware that I am ageing myself simply by using the phrase Bottom Drawer which I guess a lot of younger MNers wont have a clue about!

I don’t think we got any engagement gifts 😳

@PyongyangKipperbang

I am aware that I am ageing myself simply by using the phrase Bottom Drawer which I guess a lot of younger MNers wont have a clue about!

I had a Bottom Drawer so I guess we are probably similar in age :)

My PILs gave us an antique hatstand for an engagement gift. We actually asked for it because we saw it in a shop window about 5 minutes after they'd asked us what we'd like for a present and we both said "That's cool."

At the time we didn't have anywhere to put it so it lived at PILs' house for the first three years. I've still got it in my house now and still think it's cool!
However, OP, your PILs are the biggest Scrooges ever!

How has your husband never recognised them? They were gifts given to him.

If these are the engagement gifts, its actually really mean to the people who gave them that he hasnt even recognised one thing.

They are doing exactly that!

DH dumped his fiance he had before me, she/her family kept all the engagement presents. I wouldn't put it past them to regift them, they were well known rich tight arses (some of my uni friends worked for her father's firm).

If an engagement is called off ettiquite requires the couple to return the gifts!

@Itsalmostanaccessory

How has your husband never recognised them? They were gifts given to him.

If these are the engagement gifts, its actually really mean to the people who gave them that he hasnt even recognised one thing.

My DH would probably struggle to recognise some of the items in our current home, let alone unopened gifts from 20 years ago!

Some of his other family and friends might recognise them if it was gifts they bought though.

Oh my gosh, that's hilariously rude. Particularly since either your husband or his former fiance should have returned the gifts and senders when the engagement was called off. Why did he not do that?

Actually, now that I think more about it, I kind of get it. Your husband just dumped the stuff there at their home, so they decided to give it to him/you rather than just leave it to sit there.

Engagement parties with gifts are a thing here in Australia...I wonder if the 80s/90s coincides with the Oz soaps being a big deal - maybe the trend came from Australian telly?!

Sorry OP, yanbu to feel peeved, and yet it could (if you get dh on side first) give you many years of joy as an anecdote at gatherings

@lborgia

Engagement parties with gifts are a thing here in Australia...I wonder if the 80s/90s coincides with the Oz soaps being a big deal - maybe the trend came from Australian telly?!

We’re in Australia .

Yep, that's what they've been doing. It's something my parents would have done , stingy in the extreme and quite happy to regift things like that. I'd treat it as a joke and move on.

Oh my goodness you need a sense of humour for this pair!!

including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th

Next time you visit they'll be serving you up roadkill for dinner. Be wary of any suspicious looking protein.

Do you remember that poster whose ex-husband found a dead badger (at least I think it was a badger) and cooked it for his children.

You need to get your DH to ask for all the gifts back on the pretext of wanting to sell them. They are his technically anyway.

I must say the same, awful and funny. My late Sister was married twice, her first marriage was short lived as I thought it would be. The wedding gifts for her first short marriage, she chucked them all in the rubbish bins,as her first husband was quite a nasty guy..

My late Mum and myself said, omg, what a waste of some nice things. we would have liked a few of those gifts, but my Sister said,i dont ever want to see those wedding things again, especially in my Mums house or mine. I am talking about a kettle, toaster, and cutlery and various dinnerware , and some pans etc.

Sorry – I just saw you're in Australia, so it will be a kangaroo hit at dusk, and those quails will actually be magpies.

@Rainbows89

I don’t think we got any engagement gifts 😳

Good grief my mum started mine when I was about 13.

I've also heard the phrase, "hope chest" but I think that's American.

I bought my nephew and his fiancé an engagement present, it's not been put away for a wedding though, they are using it.

OP

Your MIL is fabulously bonkers if she is doing that, but it does make a sort of sense.

@SeasonFinale

Start giving them back as their presents

Please do this Though I expect they'll return them to you.

What's Bottom Drawer, please?